Christian Prayer Room

[tenac]

I often write about my past and this morning i want to offer a little darker side of myself...before i met Jesus. Several years ago when I first started writing stuff to put on Facebook…I came up with a little saying and I googled searched to see if it had ever been used and I couldn't find it anywhere. So... it is what I end everything that I write with…"I Have No Regrets About My Past...My Past Is Who I Am Today...Born Again!" And when I make that statement I am thinking about and talking about the life that I lived…those 25 years from age 15 to 40 with the drugs and the booze and all the insanity and craziness that went with that lifestyle. And I write about those things and try to be very detailed about it with hopes of people that are struggling with drug and/or booze addictions to come to know that there is hope. And also for family members to read it and they to can find hope in knowing that their loved ones also can change. And of course that change comes one way and that is through a relationship with Jesus. So...this morning I wanna talk about something that is a even darker side of the old Rick and as cold hearted as my words might sound....what i am going to say I can not have any regrets because when I came to know Jesus and all of those chains were broken...He made me a new man. And through the healing process I had to let all of those things go in Jesus name and I begin the journey of living in a sober world and the process of getting my sanity back and letting go of all of the hate and anger and darkness that had had ahold of me for all of those years. Learning to forgive myself and love myself once again. Praise God for His forgiveness and for the fact that He threw all of my past into that sea of forgetfulness...God chose to remember my past no more. However with all of that said...here i am 30 years sober and once in awhile someone comes to my mind...and...last night someone came to my mind that sparked this conversation with myself once again. Not in regret but i believe in answer to prayer as even today once in awhile i still ask Jesus to never let me forget who and what i use to be. I think about how many people that I met along the way during those 25 years before during and after out on the road traveling construction. Those people that I encouraged them to have that first drink…that I talked them into that first joint…I introduced them into their first uppers or downers or acid or angel dust or heroin or whatever the drug of choice was that day. How many people that i sold drugs to. How many people did I encourage to stick a needle in their arm or did it for them. I mean...I never held a gun to anybody's head and forced them but the influence that i had on people…and me being a young man… with young women…how many people that would've been 100% better off if they had never met me. How many people did I get started with the booze and the drugs that their life ended up in alcoholism or a drug addict. How many people died from those things from overdose or car wrecks or suicide because I introduced them to something that possibly and maybe most likely…they would have never traveled down that road if our path had never crossed. And then I think about here I was traveling from state to state…two weeks here...three months there...6 weeks here...you get the picture...a single man…out having a blast at the bars picking up girls taking them home. It is very possible and probably probable…that I have one or two children now adults out there. How many girls did I maybe get pregnant and then before they even knew that they were pregnant I had moved on to the next job and there I left them very much with child that I knew absolutely nothing about but that still dont make it right. As I've talked I was heavy into the booze and the drugs…to me life was about sex drugs and rock n roll…I was young and dumb…I mean...I wasn't stupid… I knew that if a man and a woman have sex and you don't use protection or if she's not on the pill there's a good chance there's gonna be a baby…but...for me living that lifestyle of working all day hitting the bars at night and picking somebody up both of us high...wasted... the thought of protection sometimes was a after thought though this being the 1970's and 80's we know the pill was popular. If you lived and partied during this time..for us hippies "the age of Aquarius"...you know what im talking about...right? Most girls used protection? And for me...usually working 7 days a week I would wake up not knowing where I was at or how I got there or who I was with it was just hurry up and get your clothes on and get out the door and get to work and probably never see them again...so...what I'm saying is. I wonder how many lives I've ruined in my past… how many people did I cause to walk down the road of addiction or being a single mom or fill in the blank. And though I can't have any regrets about that…and you may think that sounds so cold hearted...but again...Jesus took that hard rock out of my chest and put in a heart of flesh and He forgave me of all of that and for all of us to heal after our day of salvation we must learn to love ourselves and forgive ourself or the past will haunt us all the days of our life and for those of addiction will so often end right back where they started. So sometimes I get a tear on my cheek or many when somebody pops in my head that I know for a fact it was me that got them started down that path of insanity. And even though i have no children that i know about...who knows…maybe one day I'll get a knock on the door and there will be a male or female version of me standing there. And maybe they will want to get to know me or maybe they'll just be there to harm me…either way…and again as cold hard as it might sound…I Have No Regrets About My Past...My Past Is Who I Am Today...Born Again! Knowing there is no way I could ever find those people all over the country that their life was dramatically changed in any number of negitive ways because of me...to ask them for forgiveness. I thank God that thru and of Jesus i have been forgiven of all that helter skelter living and Jesus has enabled me to put it all in the past except for once in awhile like last night when this person came to my mind...not in regret but to give God the glory for His forgiveness of my wicked past and saving my soul from eternal Hell...and...maybe to reach someone today that might be strugglin with their past.

Amazing grace how sweet the sound...That saved a wretch like me...I once was lost but now am found...Was blind but now I see.

I Have No Regrets About My Past...My Past Is Who I Am Today...Born Again
Rick j Sane