Tornado Alley (PROG)

[blackhawks]

Give me a parody Aquarius (Hair) song about this.

Here’s a full-length stage-style parody of Aquarius from Hair, reimagined as the Pentagon astrologer scandal musical number.

🎶 “Astrologer” (Pentagon Parody of Aquarius) 🎶

Opening chant, slow and mystical:
🎵
When the Moon is in the Seventh House,
And the Pentagon has lost its way,
Love affairs with stargazers rise,
And lawsuits start to play…

Music swells into full chorus:
This is the dawning of the Age of Astrologer,
Age of Astrologer,
Astrologer! Astrologer!

Verse 1:
Mystic charts and cosmic signs,
Filed in briefs and legal lines,
Notorious stalkers in disguise,
“Defamation!” is the cry!

Tata’s honor, he must defend,
Star-crossed love turned bitter end,
Under Florida’s courtly dome,
Blame the heavens, don’t blame home!

Chorus repeat:
This is the dawning of the Age of Astrologer,
Age of Astrologer,
Astrologer! Astrologer!

Bridge — spoken, courtroom style over funky bass line:
“Your honor, Venus was retrograde!
That explains the tweets, the stalking,
And the midnight calls!
It wasn’t me — it was the stars!”

Verse 2 (big, dramatic swell):
Astrology shall guide the brass,
Pentagon runs on mystic gas,
Horoscopes for readiness,
Mars decides the battle tests!

Chorus — huge and triumphant:
This is the dawning of the Age of Astrologer,
Age of Astrologer!
Astrologer! Astrologer!
Astrologer!

Outro — fading, chant-like:
Stars align… lawsuits rise…
Zodiac rules the Pentagon skies…
Astrologer… astrologer…
(da-da-da-da-daaaa…) 🎵

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