Tornado Alley (PROG)

[newmedman]

It's a rough hole to dig out of. I've been told that before.

We try to accommodate for what is missing, just looking for that little piece of joy. The smiles or hugs we long for and just the absolute happiness that we yearn for.

It's hard to come to terms with being numb to that and it makes us think bad things.

We just have to be sure to surround ourselves with positive people because if we are left alone it all gets twisted. That's where drug and alcohol addiction is born from.

it's still a journey for me and I'm the first to admit that I'm bent up but I can now recognize it and know when I need to talk to someone if only to take my mind off of what's spinning around in there. I tend to get obsessed and need to change rails sometimes but helping others with different viewpoints in different stations of life always makes me feel better if only for the hours it takes.

That's why I do what I do. Giving back is the best way for me. Of course the anti-depressant I take helps me get motivated but I still have to live every day and still deal with deep sadness for something I can't explain. I don't even know why I get that way but I still do and it really can grip a person.

I can't tell you how many times I've hidden my guns at a friend's house in my life with strict restrictions placed on myself. Sometimes it's just a dark and lonely place. A place that nobody needs to be.

It's too bad for that kid and the people he slaughtered though I didn't figure it out until I was in my 40's. Sometimes people need real help and there should have been more than one warning sign, just like with me, but the lamp didn't light until I was done being a general asshole.

LOL well, I still play one online, 'cuz I seen more shit than the average bear can produce in a lifetime, but that's fun. I try to learn new things all the time.