Tornado Alley (PROG)

[newmedman]

It's a mess. If my ex didn't fly the coop, I most likely would still be on the road. There were also other circumstances like my partner retiring and me not being able to handle it all on my own too.

I tried but I can't be hands on and then on the phone all day. It's how I wound up getting hurt this last time. I was trying to bite off more than I could chew and that cost me because I wasn't paying attention.

Now at least I have a spot where I can gather my thoughts. I never really knew I was clinically depressed until I did so that is another log to carry too.

I'm slowly coming back but I find myself punching my own eyes out sometimes. Like, I love the doggo and have a blast with her but I can't just pack her up and go for a month, even if I wanted to. I make shitty life decisions sometimes and I always wind up paying for them.

I don't know, I think it makes me stronger but some days I feel like I could chuck it all. It's just symptoms of my disease. Or as Frank Zappa said, "A token of my extremes"....

I've actually done a real lot for a guy my age and I know that but sometimes I get buggered because I can't bring myself to the next level. I'm working on that again now with the training school teaching and stuff, plus I need the money because the zoo doesn't pay shit lol...

I can survive but I'd rather thrive and dating these women isn't getting any cheaper. Though I think I got the right one now, it could all end again in a heartbeat too and I'd just be left with my cocktail wiener swinging in the wind again.

LOL my therapist even tells me I'm nuts in so many words but I'm stubborn. It's really hard to be a young guy thinking you have the world by the short hairs and then later find out it's actually the world that has you in the kung fu grip.

Time is what we have my friend. Eating better, exercising , quitting shitty vices.... all that comes into play. One day at a time is all we can give and I always try to make it the best day for me and the people I encounter.