Tornado Alley (PROG)

[newmedman]

not technically because they need to slice up my brain after I croak but all my serious bouts of depression started after my last concussion which was pretty severe and was my fifth that was documented since I was a child. I'm sure I had others too but just chalked it up to getting my "bell rung".

I had the propensity for doing a ton of stupid shit without a helmet on. From playing pickup football and hockey games to trying to do crazy stunts on my bike.

This last time I fell from my personal little scaffold while working a side job and had to be monitored for weeks because they were worried about a brain bleed.

Anyhoo. I had quit drinking alcohol before that but I was really bad, like case a day bad. Like needed it to function bad and the doc told me that my addiction was probably the first sign. I never took care of myself in my younger years so I never realized that I was dealing with depression. It's only now after getting treatment and therapy that I can realize what's going on with my noodle.

The people I see just assume it's CTE and treat me that way. I'm not supposed to do any activity that can put my head in danger anymore which sucks for me and only fuels the depression. Sometimes it gets really rugged. I just had an attack last weekend and I don't even want to repeat what was going through my mind.

I'm able to sort of control it now but who knows as I get older. I could be a drooling idiot tomorrow so I just have to carry on while my good days are still in me.