we're cool, i am not in a fixed position on the subject anyway. but all i can say is that i have had occasion to go to dinner, etc. with the other grandparent, and even though she is a police detective in sacramento, <insert overt racial anecdote here> it is not a way of viewing the world that i had been directly exposed to.
so burning coal on that subject is not going to get a free pass with me, but it was being discussed without judgement, i only felt that repeating the sting word to many is a cheap shot, even if not intended that way.