Register for free to join our community of investors and share your ideas. You will also get access to streaming quotes, interactive charts, trades, portfolio, live options flow and more tools.
Register for free to join our community of investors and share your ideas. You will also get access to streaming quotes, interactive charts, trades, portfolio, live options flow and more tools.
ToWhomItMayInterest:
Here are the 10 firstplace winners in the International Pun
Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one
carrionallowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
other and says "Dam!".
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a
fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
electron," The other says, "Are you "sure?" The first
replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
thelobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
themanager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved
off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting inan
open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One
of them goes to a family in Egyptand is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family in Spain;they name him "Juan." Years
later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They'retwins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a
rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to
close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close
up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only
Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him
(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis. (bet you start humming it)
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different
puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns
would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
ToWhomItMayInterest:
Here are the 10 firstplace winners in the International Pun
Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one
carrionallowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
other and says "Dam!".
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a
fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
electron," The other says, "Are you "sure?" The first
replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
thelobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
themanager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved
off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting inan
open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One
of them goes to a family in Egyptand is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family in Spain;they name him "Juan." Years
later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They'retwins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a
rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to
close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close
up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only
Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him
(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis. (bet you start humming it)
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different
puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns
would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
For Sale :
Wedding dress, size 8.
Worn once by mistake.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they
go, they take your house and car
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too
qualified for the job.
"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in
picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.? "I've been divorced
three times."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
--------- ------
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into
the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come
forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly,
"So which six items would you like to buy?"
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly
neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a
table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not
have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that
they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've
passed.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.
Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his
credit card.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should
relax and get used to the idea.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in
your casket, and friends and congregation members are
mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a
fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher
and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean
to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men.
In fact she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.
What do you think should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down.
Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is
happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's
poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll
see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to
your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want
my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,
"Take the poison."
HOPE YOU ENJOYED THEM. PASS ALONG TO ANOTHER
God Said, "Adam, I Want you to do
Something for me."
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river"
Adam said, "What's a river?" !
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"
Adam said, "What's a cave?"
! After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."!
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"
And Adam said
*
*
YOUR GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!!
*
"What's a headache.
Tend to agree with you. But why is a vote of common shareholders required. Class A shares carry no voting rights. Only class "C" shares have that priviledge and guess who holds 99+% of these shares!!!!! No matter what the common shareholder vote says, it is up to Damadian himself to pick and choose the future course of this failing enterprise. Just shows that while building a better mouse trap is to be commended turning a profit from the invention is not guaranteed and Damadian has not demonstrated any capability to ever do so.
Merck KGaA: Stimuvax Cancer Vaccine Phase III Study Begins
Darmstadt, Germany, February 26, 2007 – Merck KGaA today announced that the
first patient has been enrolled in its global Phase III clinical study,
START (Stimulating Targeted Antigenic Responses To NSCLC), assessing the
efficacy and safety of Stimuvax (BLP25 liposome vaccine) as a potential
treatment for patients with unresectable stage III non-small cell lung
cancer (NSCLC).
The complete news release can be downloaded at the following link:
http://me.merck.de/n/03FA0206AF8505B6C125728E003B81A5/$FILE/Stimuv-e.pdf
Should a 1:25 split happen it should be the final blow to many long tgerm holders who have suffered with dilution over the p;ast 25 years. Even with the split I expect the new share p;rices will sink down to its present level and the company will be in even more trouble.You cannot hide lack of profitable income by continuing diluting the common shares.
Utah may scrap stock-abuse law
http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,660198281,00.html
Saturday, February 24, 2007
By Brice Wallace
Deseret Morning News
The Legislature moved on Friday to kill a bill passed in special session last spring that targeted stock trading abuse.
SB277 quickly moved through the Senate on Friday, setting the stage for actions that could get the state out of a lawsuit it likely would lose, said the bill's sponsor, Majority Leader Curt Bramble, R-Provo.
The bill passed in special session last May aimed to curb illegal "naked" short selling through fines. Short sellers borrow shares hoping the share price declines so they can return shares to brokers and pocket the difference. In naked short selling, traders sell shares they haven't borrowed, using IOUs that brokers send through a stock clearinghouse. The brokers use IOUs until they can find shares to deliver, but the practice can lower a company's share price by artificially creating more sellers than buyers.
Bramble said Friday that the special-session bill "was intended to get to the fraud that occurs and the damage to Utah publicly traded companies from the failure to deliver on illegal naked short selling." But shortly after that bill's passage, the Securities Industry Association sued the state, claiming federal law prohibited states from implementing recordkeeping requirements for brokers that are different from federal requirements. The state law required brokers to quickly and regularly disclose trades that fail to settle as scheduled. The association said that, while the bill supposedly targeted naked short selling, it also affected all short selling as well as other long-term investments that do not close as scheduled.
Bramble said Friday that various lawyers and the attorney general told him the state would lose the major claim in the lawsuit.
"By bringing that bill forward in the special session, we got the attention of the Securities and Exchange Commission," he said, adding that discussions with the association and a representative of the SEC lead him to believe the SEC will address the matter of illegal naked short selling.
If it doesn't, Utah could be back with another bill next year.
"Should this bill pass and repeal the law that we enacted in the special session, they (the association) will drop their lawsuit, they'll pay their legal fees, and it will keep the state's powder dry. It will allow us to come back next session should the SEC not act aggressively in dealing with this problem," Bramble said.
The Senate vote was 27-1. The matter moved to the House. Last year's bill was prompted by Salt Lake-based online closeout retailer Overstock.com, which has claimed it has been a target of persistent naked short selling.
The purpose of a message board is for discussion of that stock ONLY. Tips derived from message boards have a way of turning into financial disasters. But there are boards specifically established to accommodate those "tips". If a poster wishes to discuss his favorite hot tip and can't finmd a board -he can establish one.On the NMKT board -it is very active-lots of posts.OT remarks are out of place here.
It never ceases to amaze me. On most message boards the universal complaint is that the company does not communicate with it's shareholders. Here, we have the situation where the opposite seems to be the case. The company talks too much. How much is just right,please?
You are kidding?? You want advice to be posted on a public message board so you can make a decision based upon what you read?? I'm sure I need to call you on the telephone immediately--I have a bridge I'd like to sell to you. Please reply to this message with your phone number.
TIA
WOW!!!!!!
Tilt-They Backed Off
The U.S. Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS), which has pulled a controversial proposal that would have implemented new rules for independent diagnostic testing facilities (IDTFs).
Just a week ago, our Imaging Center Digital Community featured an article about how the new rules would have created an onerous new regulatory burden for IDTF facilities. Many imaging center operators who fall under the IDTF category believed the rules would have required radical changes in their operations, and would have put the brakes on many new centers seeking IDTF classification.
The CMS didn't provide much rationale for why it pulled the proposed rules so suddenly, other than to say that it has no plans to offer up any replacement guidelines. Get the rest of the story by clicking here, or visit our Imaging Center Digital Community, at centers.auntminnie.com.
In other
Again you are totally wrong. I for one completely trust him.
CMS GETS TOUGH WITH FREESTANDING IMAGING FACILITIES
The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services made good on a New Year's
resolution to curb imaging overutilization and allegedly abusive billing
practices by coming up with strong regulatory language aimed at independent
diagnostic testing facilities. So strong, in fact, that industry insiders
contend the agency might have overstepped its authority.
Interesting Years 1981, 2005
Interesting Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died
Interesting Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died
Lesson Learned? -
The next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope .
Interesting Years 1981, 2005
Interesting Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died
Interesting Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died
Lesson Learned? -
The next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope .
Finkelstein and Jesus
Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe.
After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him.
A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit!
He asked how much He owed. Finkelstein brushed him off: "No, no,no, for the Son of God ? There's no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor? Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor ? "
Jesus readily agreed and as promised, and extolled the virtues of his Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses.
A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem , He happened to walk past Finkelstein's shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein's robes.
He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted him he said: "Jesus, Jesus, look what you've done for my business ! Would you consider a partnership ? "
&am p;nb sp; "Certainly," replied Jesus. "Jesus & Finkelstein it is."
"Oh, no, no," said Finkelstein. "Finkelstein & Jesus. After all, I am the craftsman." The two of them debated this for some time.
Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise.
A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein's shop.
Can you guess what it read ?
...
LORD & TAYLOR
OH, DON'T WHINE & MOAN! You know you're going to pass it on.
--
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Considering myn age I'd simply turn off my hearing aids. Age does have a few advantages.
Isn;t this form of retribution contrary to the Geneva Conventions??
"TEHRAN, Iran (AP) The state news agency says a bomb exploded in southeastern Iran, near where an earlier explosion killed 11 members of Iran's elite Revolutionary Guards. "
Isn't this form of retribution contrary to the dictates of the Geneva Conventions??
TEHRAN, Iran (AP) The state news agency says a bomb exploded in southeastern Iran, near where an earlier explosion killed 11 members of Iran's elite Revolutionary Guards.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire .
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it .
She moved in with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder ...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ...
I've changed my mind.
-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am ...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
####################################################
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
********************************************************************************
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost lifelike!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
We have been friends for a very long time ...
let's say we stop?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
=====================================================
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay
UGH!!!
To Pun Lovers everywhere!
----------These are really bad!!!!!!!!!!!
(1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to
Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you
100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King
protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied,
"When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
dest royed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll
just have to be a little patient."
(4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One
day his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some
more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to
wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged
with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises. (YUK)
(5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products a nd, since they already made the cases for
watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that
people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This,
of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets
and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We
have absolutely nothing to go on."
(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin
strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and
swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine
man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said,
"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
na me missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to
the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
Leif off my census."
(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept
on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the
hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
(10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
remed ies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the
leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and
said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
(By the way, the guy who wrote these 10 puns entered them in a contest.
He figured with 10 entries, he couldn't lose. As they were reading the list
of winners, he was really hoping one of his puns would win, but
unfortunately, no pun in ten did.)
UGH!!!
To Pun Lovers everywhere!
----------These are really bad!!!!!!!!!!!
(1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to
Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you
100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King
protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied,
"When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
dest royed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll
just have to be a little patient."
(4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One
day his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some
more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to
wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged
with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises. (YUK)
(5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products a nd, since they already made the cases for
watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that
people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This,
of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets
and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We
have absolutely nothing to go on."
(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin
strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and
swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine
man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said,
"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
na me missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to
the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
Leif off my census."
(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept
on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the
hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
(10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
remed ies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the
leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and
said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
(By the way, the guy who wrote these 10 puns entered them in a contest.
He figured with 10 entries, he couldn't lose. As they were reading the list
of winners, he was really hoping one of his puns would win, but
unfortunately, no pun in ten did.)
DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk
the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour..
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives
to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks She's French, other times She's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best
accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think
is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
This email is intended only for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed and may contain information that is privileged and confidential. If the reader of this email message is not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution, or copying of this communication is prohibited. If you have received this email in error, please notify the sender and destroy/delete all copies of the transmittal. Thank you.
Follow Directions to Unsubscribe me
To Unsubscribe follow these directions
To unsubscribe from this service you must first purchase a Craft-O-Matic
Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit. The unit can be obtained from most
hardware stores and dental clinics. Be sure to obtain the proper permits to
operate the unit from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and the Food and Drug
Administration in Washington D.C. USA.
Be sure to carefully unpack the kit and place each component in its accompanying
mesh safety bag. Mount the Pershing DF4 mesinator on top of the perforated
Gerring Mach 77 refibulator and attach them using the eight-millimeter torque
fork. Be sure that the refibulator is mounted at a 66 degree angle and properly
dispersed so that it is flush with the curved section of the Pyrex thistle
tube. Place the four sections of the triangular separation gear into the
posture cylinder and lock them into place using the band aid adhesive strip.
Insert the wiggling pin into the wobbling hole, making sure that it seated
correctly. Place the D cell battery and the eleven 9 volt batteries in the power
chamber.
The device should be calibrated before operation using the optional digital
corkscrew accessory pack prior to operation. Insert the digital corkscrew
through the electronic combustion service chamber using caution not to touch the
reinforced tungsten igniter control module and quickly turn the inverter drive
to 28.6 degrees. Turn the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation
Unit upside down and hit the bottom plate with a 48-ounce ball-peen hammer while
shaking the unit vigorously. Force open the door to the incineration valve
compartment and set the pressure gauge to 719 psi. Close the door and seal it
shut with duct tape. The unit should now be properly calibrated and ready to
use.
Before activating the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit,
you must first elevate it to a height of 229 feet above sea level to insure
that the unit receives the proper oxygen level and barometric pressure. Point
the aerial to 17 degrees north by northeast to within the parameters of the
Telstar GS-2 weather satellite and apply pressure to the wing shaft on the
southern most section of the modular accelerator. Using the special ratchet
adapter supplied with the unit, rotate the heater core to the "on" position.
The "on" position has been obtained when the green light begins to flash,
signifying that the red light is about to go off. Once the red light is off,
flip the toggle switch labeled "ON/OFF" to the "ON" position and count to 47
before logging on to the system.
Logon using your username and password and wait for the prompt. Once prompted
you must check the box with the appropriate action you wish to take and then
press the pressure release button and turn off the compressor while turning the
hand crank at 231 meters per minute. Next, press control, alt, delete, caps
lock, shift, number lock, escape and tab simultaneously. Press enter.
You will have one second to complete the procedure. If you fail to respond in
the time limit allowed, simply purchase a new Craft-O-Matic Adjustable
Subscription Cancellation Unit and start from the beginning.
Please remember that this is the only way we will accept for you to
unsubscribe from this service. I have made every attempt to simplify the
procedure for your convenience. Failure to comply with the unsubscribe policy
will result in immediate termination of your subscription, so please follow the
above directions closely.......LOL!!
ME!
To Unsubscribe follow these directions
To unsubscribe from this service you must first purchase a Craft-O-Matic
Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit. The unit can be obtained from most
hardware stores and dental clinics. Be sure to obtain the proper permits to
operate the unit from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and the Food and Drug
Administration in Washington D.C. USA.
Be sure to carefully unpack the kit and place each component in its accompanying
mesh safety bag. Mount the Pershing DF4 mesinator on top of the perforated
Gerring Mach 77 refibulator and attach them using the eight-millimeter torque
fork. Be sure that the refibulator is mounted at a 66 degree angle and properly
dispersed so that it is flush with the curved section of the Pyrex thistle
tube. Place the four sections of the triangular separation gear into the
posture cylinder and lock them into place using the band aid adhesive strip.
Insert the wiggling pin into the wobbling hole, making sure that it seated
correctly. Place the D cell battery and the eleven 9 volt batteries in the power
chamber.
The device should be calibrated before operation using the optional digital
corkscrew accessory pack prior to operation. Insert the digital corkscrew
through the electronic combustion service chamber using caution not to touch the
reinforced tungsten igniter control module and quickly turn the inverter drive
to 28.6 degrees. Turn the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation
Unit upside down and hit the bottom plate with a 48-ounce ball-peen hammer while
shaking the unit vigorously. Force open the door to the incineration valve
compartment and set the pressure gauge to 719 psi. Close the door and seal it
shut with duct tape. The unit should now be properly calibrated and ready to
use.
Before activating the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit,
you must first elevate it to a height of 229 feet above sea level to insure
that the unit receives the proper oxygen level and barometric pressure. Point
the aerial to 17 degrees north by northeast to within the parameters of the
Telstar GS-2 weather satellite and apply pressure to the wing shaft on the
southern most section of the modular accelerator. Using the special ratchet
adapter supplied with the unit, rotate the heater core to the "on" position.
The "on" position has been obtained when the green light begins to flash,
signifying that the red light is about to go off. Once the red light is off,
flip the toggle switch labeled "ON/OFF" to the "ON" position and count to 47
before logging on to the system.
Logon using your username and password and wait for the prompt. Once prompted
you must check the box with the appropriate action you wish to take and then
press the pressure release button and turn off the compressor while turning the
hand crank at 231 meters per minute. Next, press control, alt, delete, caps
lock, shift, number lock, escape and tab simultaneously. Press enter.
You will have one second to complete the procedure. If you fail to respond in
the time limit allowed, simply purchase a new Craft-O-Matic Adjustable
Subscription Cancellation Unit and start from the beginning.
Please remember that this is the only way we will accept for you to
unsubscribe from this service. I have made every attempt to simplify the
procedure for your convenience. Failure to comply with the unsubscribe policy
will result in immediate termination of your subscription, so please follow the
above directions closely.......LOL!!
ME!
-----
LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
-----
LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
New CMS rules put the brakes on IDTFs
2/13/2007
By: Jonathan S. Batchelor
In a sweeping bid to cut Medicare fraud, the U.S. Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) has issued new rules scheduled to go into effect February 26 that raise the bar for sites applying to be designated as an independent diagnostic testing facility (IDTF). The new compliance standards, issued late last month as a change request (5449), could dramatically change how IDTFs conduct their operations.
If implemented as scheduled, the new standards could make it much more difficult for freestanding outpatient imaging facilities seeking IDTF status to open.
These entities have come under scrutiny at CMS as Medicare costs skyrocket for diagnostic testing services. The agency served notice that IDTFs were on its radar last August in the 2007 proposal for the Medicare Physician Fee Schedule.
"In recent years, CMS and its contractors have determined that a number of IDTFs in California and other states are perpetrating schemes to defraud the Medicare program," CMS wrote. "The number of IDTFs billing Medicare in California alone increased more than 400% from 2000 to 2005. The increased use of IDTF services has not lowered the use of diagnostic testing within other settings."
CMS defines an IDTF as a supplier of diagnostic tests that is independent of a hospital or physician office and is administered in a fixed location, a mobile service, or a nonphysician practitioner. To qualify for Medicare coverage, IDTFs must comply with specific rules; for freestanding outpatient imaging centers, these are generally more restrictive than those required for facilities owned by radiologist physician group practices.
However, a number of imaging centers that function as IDTFs may find themselves entangled in the net that CMS is weaving, according to W. Kenneth Davis Jr., a partner in the Chicago-based law firm of Katten Muchin Rosenman. "A significant percentage of freestanding outpatient imaging centers are going to be affected by these new regulations," he said.
Reading the fine print
Specifically, the CMS transmittal addresses the implementation of new compliance standards for IDTFs that are to be included in chapter 10, Medicare Provider Enrollment, of publication 100-08, the Medicare Program Integrity Manual.
The new standards will affect multiple components of IDTF operation. These include:
Technologist credentialing and employment
Enrollment applications and billing
Location of service and equipment sharing
CMS is requiring that each nonphysician (whom the agency calls a technician) who performs IDTF diagnostic tests must meet the standards of a state license or state certification at the time of the IDTF's enrollment. The IDTF must list the tests that each technician will perform on its application.
In addition, a copy of their license or certificate must be furnished at the time of an IDTF application. CMS will not accept certifications generated by an IDTF.
"There is no CMS-recognized national credentialing body for IDTF technicians," the agency wrote. "As such, the carrier shall not accept credentialing documentation from the IDTF as evidence per se that the technician is qualified to perform the listed test(s)."
For radiologic or nuclear medicine technologists working part-time, as independent contractors, or as representatives of a healthcare agency, the new compliance standards may prohibit their employment by an IDTF.
"If a specific license/certificate is required for nonphysician personnel, a supplier cannot contract with an individual or other entity to provide these licensed services," CMS wrote. "The owner of the supplier, or full-time W-2 employee, must have this license."
In effect, unless CMS changes this language, an IDTF can use only full-time technologists to perform exams at its facilities, according to Tom Greeson, a partner at law firm Reed Smith of Falls Church, VA. A CMS representative he spoke with yesterday indicated the agency is "relooking" at this provision.
Location of service and equipment sharing
The new CMS policy seems to attack a perceived problem in radiology, the growth of leasing deals, in which imaging facilities lease blocks of time on equipment to referring physicians. Two simple declarative sentences and one parenthetical element contained in the body of the CMS proposal are sure to raise the anxiety level of many facilities operating as IDTFs, as well as keep healthcare attorneys busy for months to come.
Each IDTF must certify on its enrollment application that it meets a variety of standards, including these two:
(An IDTF) may not share space with another active Medicare supplier. (Note: Physicians owning an IDTF and sharing space are exempt from this requirement.)
May not share equipment with any other IDTF or supplier.
"The threshold question under these standards is whether or not the facility is an IDTF," Davis said. "If it is an IDTF, what this means for them is unclear. Depending on how CMS defines the term 'share,' this will determine what this means."
"For example, when a physician leases a piece of equipment in a space they are usually exclusively leasing and using that piece of equipment when they are conducting a procedure with it, no one else can use it at that time," Davis said. "I would argue that that's not sharing. But, CMS may say that is, in effect, sharing."
Greeson observed that the equipment-sharing prohibitions will not only affect IDTFs.
"Physicians who have an office in the same building as an IDTF is located; have met all the Stark in-office ancillary services exemptions; and have leased blocks of time in a manner that is fully compliant with the safe harbors for space, equipment, and personnel -- what CMS has indicated is that these part-time lease arrangements will no longer be permitted by the IDTF," he said.
"This is not a restriction that is being imposed by CMS on any other entity," Greeson said. "A hospital can have a lease arrangement, a radiology practice can have a lease arrangement, a physician practice can have a lease arrangement with another physician practice -- this (policy change) is only targeted at IDTFs."
No matter how one parses the language, lease deals for multispecialty practices commonly include shared space for the providers, such as reception areas and lunch rooms, Davis noted.
"At its most extreme interpretation, this regulation may mean that leasing relationships, infrastructure relationships, and such cannot be engaged in by IDTFs," he said.
The exemption for a physician-owned IDTF is also troubling for Davis.
"Does it mean that if you had an IDTF that is partially owned by a physician, does or doesn't that mean the exemption applies to them?" he said. "For example, a common joint-venture model is an IDTF owned by a radiology group and a hospital; is that IDTF exempt from this requirement? I don't know."
Enrollment applications and billing
Facilities applying to the IDTF program may also find it takes longer to start receiving their first Medicare payments. Currently, an IDTF can apply for enrollment as a CMS provider, conduct business, and bill for services performed during the enrollment waiting period once its application is approved. This is going to change.
"The contractor (CMS) shall establish the effective billing date of applications received on or after the implementation date of this instruction as the date the application was approved by the contractor. In the latter scenario, this means that services rendered before the date the contractor approved the application will not be covered," CMS wrote.
After February 26, an IDTF will have to have its facility, equipment, and staff in place and operationally ready to satisfy the agency's site visit requirements -- and then wait for its enrollment application to be processed before it can bill for services. Simply opening the practice to private payors would be an attractive option; however, many private payors insist on a successful IDTF enrollment prior to establishing a contract with a facility, Greeson noted.
According to Greeson, 90- to 180-day waits for CMS to approve an IDTF's enrollment are not unheard of. A three- to six-month delay in doing business while paying overhead for facility, equipment, and staff is a high barrier to entry in the marketplace, Davis observed.
But, with the new compliance standards, this lead time for enrollment approval could become even longer.
CMS has now deemed it necessary for every IDTF location, including mobile coaches, to submit its own enrollment application.
"The IDTFs must separately enroll each of their practice locations (with the exception of locations that are used solely as warehouses or repair facilities)," CMS wrote. "This means that each enrolling IDTF can only have one practice location on its CMS-855B enrollment application; thus, if an IDTF is adding a practice location to its existing enrollment, it must submit a new, complete CMS-855B application for that location and have that location undergo a separate site visit. Also, each of the IDTF's mobile units must enroll separately."
"A fair concern is that with the new, more robust IDTF application process that is set forth here, you may see the application timeframe get even longer," Davis said.
In case a multilocation or multistate IDTF does not want to take the new regulations seriously, the agency put some teeth into the transmittal.
"Failure to comply with any of these requirements at any practice location represent the supplier's noncompliance with 42 CFR § 410.33 as a whole, and will result in the revocation of its Medicare billing privileges," CMS wrote.
Get a good lawyer
The implications of new CMS policy could be undoubtedly severe for IDTFs; however, as the attorneys note above, there are a number of questions as to what specific interpretations of these new regulations CMS expects IDTFs to follow. They both recommended that IDTF practices should consult with a healthcare attorney to determine the best way to move forward in light of the complexity of the situation.
"Until we know ultimately what CMS intends to do, and what their position is as to what the meaning is for some of these provisions, I think all we can do is be aware and, to the extent possible, comply with the regulations," Greeson said.
By Jonathan S. Batchelor
AuntMinnie.com staff writer
February 13, 2007
Related Reading
This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters " dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."
Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends . . Boxing
2. North American landmark constantly moving backward . Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons . . Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside . . Strawberry.
5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.)
6. Three English words beginning with dw . Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar . . Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, bracket s, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold ! frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh Lettuce.
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "s" . Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
PLEASE DO YOUR PART....... Today is National Mental Health Day. You can do your part by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person
Why Nobody Applied For The Job!
MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, no one would have done it!!!!
POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers! Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and embarrassed the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION :
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining!, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal g rowth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the Moms you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated
Let's see if I understand
How the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off
while slicing salami at work
he blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of Lung cancer,
your family blames the tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners,
you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
So, if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to blame Bill Gates...okay
Let's see if I understand
How the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off
while slicing salami at work
he blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of Lung cancer,
your family blames the tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners,
you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
So, if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to blame Bill Gates...okay
Pitiful!!!!!
One majhor market factor not mentioned is the reduction in reimbursement for imaging. This makes the purchase of the Fonar system in a stand alone imaging center very very risky from the financial standpoint.
I'd welcome an investigation to establish how this happened.
An Alternative
ZymoGenetics Submits Biologics License Application to the FDA for rhThrombin as an Aid to Controlling Bleeding During Surgery
12/18/2006
SEATTLE, Dec. 18 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- ZymoGenetics, Inc. (Nasdaq: ZGEN) today announced that the company has submitted a Biologics License Application (BLA) to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for licensure to market recombinant human thrombin (rhThrombin) as a general aid to achieving hemostasis during surgery.
"Submitting the biologics license application for rhThrombin is an important milestone for ZymoGenetics," said Bruce L.A. Carter, President and Chief Executive Officer. "We believe that a recombinant version of thrombin will provide important benefits to patients and healthcare providers. We're very excited about the potential of rhThrombin to significantly impact the market for hemostasis products."
As previously disclosed, the Phase 3 pivotal study showed that rhThrombin had comparable efficacy and a superior immunogenicity profile compared to the approved bovine thrombin product.
About rhThrombin
ZymoGenetics is developing rhThrombin, a recombinant form of human thrombin that is not derived from animal or human blood, as an aid to controlling bleeding during surgery. Thrombin is used in more than 1 million surgeries each year in the United States. Currently, only thrombin derived from bovine blood is available in the U.S. as a stand-alone thrombin product. Bovine-derived thrombin has been associated with the development of antibodies that may cross-react with human blood proteins and in some cases these antibodies appear to be related to serious bleeding complications. The production of recombinant proteins is not dependent on the availability of blood from animals or human donors and can be scaled-up to meet market demand.
Medical Distinction
We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning ... or are you just flying off somewhere?"
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome .... since both ultimately result in death.
Medical Distinction
We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning ... or are you just flying off somewhere?"
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome .... since both ultimately result in death.