ToWhomItMayInterest:
Here are the 10 firstplace winners in the International Pun
Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one
carrionallowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
other and says "Dam!".
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a
fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
electron," The other says, "Are you "sure?" The first
replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
thelobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
themanager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved
off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting inan
open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One
of them goes to a family in Egyptand is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family in Spain;they name him "Juan." Years
later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They'retwins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a
rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to
close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close
up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only
Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him
(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis. (bet you start humming it)
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different
puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns
would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
