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Having a hard time setting up your own jokes without a straight man? Maybe hasher will help, when he's done taking care of "business".
AK
Don't go there Churak. I've got better material already in the archives:
LIFESAVERS
A teacher was working with her pupils, trying to broaden
their horizons through sensory perception. One day, she
brought in rolls of lifesaver candies of all flavors..
"Children," she announced, passing out the lifesavers,
"I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these and then
tell me what they are."
The kids managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons
and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored
lifesavers, every one of the kids was stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher.. "It's something your
Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time."
Instantly, one of the kids nearly gagged and yelled out to
his classmates, "Spit 'em out everyone! They're assholes!"
MR. Hasher, just because PMS made a post (seemingly) in support of yours does not mean it was correct.
[Personally I think you two Canucks should spend more time in the Southwest, and help our economy, but, as usual, I digress...]
You have suggested the worm belongs in Muscal. Given your predilection for avoiding dictionaries this might be expected of you; also, given that you are a Hasher and a beer drinker, one might also expect your knowledge of oenology to be limited. However, I had given you more credit and thought you were referring to Muscat.
I had forgotten that you spend a considerable amount of time at Wreck Beach, so I apologize for it not dawning on me that you meant to use the word "mescal". Apparently PMS has frequented this place also, although I would presume it to have been in her youth. (PMS, understand I'm not attacking you--you are too good with words for me. Let me stick with hasher -- you know PR types make good fodder.)
Given the above information, I suggest you either delete or retract your ill-informed post. Further, as your reference to Tequila lollipops being imagined, go back to the sucker site, sucker, and see that you can order this stuff for yourself. I am not sending you a Christmas present just to prove a point.
AK
p.s. Try the mistletoe trick with Cindy when you are helping her with her smoke detector.
I was trying to be subtle in my post to you...be careful what you ask for...
AK
she looks like Cindy Crawford.
Bummer, she must REALLY hate you...
do we change the clocks today?
Yes, but you were supposed to get up (or stay up) at 2:00 A.M. to make the change.
AK
p.s. Don't forget to change your Smoke Alarm batteries; maybe you and "Cindy" could help each other, you know, like she stands on the ladder and you hold her, or visa versa, or, well...
you would find the worm in Muscal, and not Tequilla, or is this incorrect
hasher5, you are incorrect.
http://www.candydirect.com/html/eng/243336-AA.shtml
AK
p.s. Stick to the beer.
I appreciate the sentiment
...and the "sediment"? One might consider where she washed up.
AK
you, Churak, and hasher
Thank you very much. While I'm not sure I deserve top billing, I wish you could have reduced the font for hasher. If you read his posts carefully, you will find:
1. He is more of an instigator than a contributor;
2. Most of his posts are made while he is watching late night comedians on television, then he demands that we re-tell the stories while he only gives us the punch lines;
3. The other times he posts is when he is drunk on beer with his Hasher buddies;
4. And look at his knowledge of French -- he doesn't even know when someone is spitting on him. (use the search engine for more info -- key word: spitting).
Thank you again.
AK
p.s. Do Texans typically go browse the computer store when it rains?
p.p.s. I do believe Churak meant yellow rain, not yellow snow, but you do have to make allowances for him being a Canuk from Nunavet; I think it is too cold for rain up there.
Fred, there are subtle psychological implications. Red is a stimulative color, and not associated with restfulness. Of course the kid was uncomfortable trying to sleep in that room; there were many factors we introduced to induce this cognitive dissonance. Let me know if you require more handy hints.
AK
p.s. Given that incoming inmate Annie's parents may wish to keep such information from here, perhaps this discussion is better placed on the Old Timers' thread.
"Had a piece lately?"
Fred, a local pizzaria uses this line.
AK
which words don't you understand ie prostitute or koala bear???
Churak, just because nobody else responded to your Leave It To Beaver joke don't expect me to save you.
Je vous aurais bien aide, mais je ne vous aime pas.
AK
No doubt you will make his day, Clint.
My work with you is almost done...grasshopper.
Oh Master, you think I ready to lift heavy iron pot filled with red hot coals with my forearms so get burn-scar tattoos, then secret gate in wall will turn and I be cast out of monastery? Oh thank you master, thank you, thank you...
Master, I shall always remember your greatest words of wisdom,
R U NUCKING FUTS???
--Master Churak (ref: #msg-554949)
AK
Do you mind.
Annie and Phil(Bullrider) don't know caca, and Catalina Island just doesn't have the same cachet.
AK
Send cash too!
For bustin' Churak's nose?
AK
Perhaps CharleyMike can help -- I think he knows something about sheep from his experience at the ranch.
AK
p.s. He's sensitive on this subject, so be straightforward, and don't come at him from behind.
LOL!!! AK...catch me if u can!!! hohohoho
1. Why would I want to go to Nunavet;
2. Muell is closer;
3. Muell likes to bust noses for bad jokes.
I would remind you that you are no longer incarcerated. Most of us from the outside don't play "Catch me if you can", but, as they say, whatever turns you on. If you don't catch the drift of what I'm saying, I believe hasher is experienced in these matters; at the very least, he seems to have knowledgeable neighborly connections.
AK
p.s. I see by your "hohohoho" you got the Santa gig again at The Bay. Good thing you were not reported by the Montreal couple for saying "Combien pour la fillette".
Churak, please don't take my posts out of context. I was not asking for a link.
AK
p.s. A retraction would be nice.
Hint: http://www.dictionary.com
Yes, my dear Churak, the Edit window is open. If you make timely suggestions I will consider a re-write, but if it was me, I wouldn't be facking around with the Jailhouse lawyer.
AK
Attention ALL visitors and residents of the Jailhouse. A visitor has made a plaintive request, and it appears he is being ignored; please find an appropriate response to this post: #msg-554881.
Thank you for your attention. You may resume playing "NOW whose gonna pick up Churak's soap."
(Sheriff Matt)
Pretty tacky Churak, making fun of WTM's profession when you KNOW he's not around to DEFEND himself. #msg-550638
AK
Churak, they got the Cow Palace near where Sarals lives, and who knows what exhibition she's talking about. Hey CharleyMike, that should be a fun spot for you to visit if you ever get off the ranch.
AK
Churak, from your link at http://www.wizard.ca/wreck
but to just judge this as a haven for decedents...
Do they have a cemetery there?
AK
That's the 14-year old?
We painted my son's room red with white trim; put a 12' desk/table arrangement against one wall, and stuck a mattress in the closet, standing on end. When he came home from college the first time he said "Doesn't feel like my room." "Gee, we answered -- you helped pick the furniture, and we sent you a photo of the painted room."
AK
p.s. to Fred, buy some bright red paint!
Excellent idea Muell -- I will send you Churak's address by PM. Thanks for the help!
AK
p.s. You know I'd do it myself, but I'm having too much fun in Hawaii, and I'm stuck waiting for Phil (Bullrider)'s liquor store to deliver.
Please ask your next door neighbor, then report back to us. Thank you.
AK
p.s. I strongly suggest that if she/he upsets you, you do not say, "T'as une tête a faire sauter les plaques d'egouts!"
Muell, the guy(?) plagiarizes a VERY old story, changes a few names, and presents it as HIS material, and you encourage him? You know, you could have said, "LOL. Please give me the link to the thread that has these (old) jokes."
AK
p.s.If you don't qualify your post, I'll find some old stuff, and you can be sure there's lots of "mule" jokes so I don't have to change but a few letters.
p.p.s. Notice how I thought Churak's post wasn't even deserving of recognition.
Was Gallo the one that used the line "No w(h)ine before its time."?
AK
hasher, of course you are correct, but you left off part of the original post. "Usually pay good prices." Churak confused me with this before the rancher showed up.
AK
p.s. Glad he explained his name; I thought CharleyMike was a CB term.
Breeders is great to watch & small wagers just to keep it interesting. Usually pay good prices.
Change the "is" to "are" and it makes better sense.
CharleyMike, I sure wish y’all had said up front you were from Texas. At least then I could have guessed you might be referring to horses or cattle or for those so inclined, sheep. We are big kids on this thread, most seem to be over 18 (not too sure about hurr’cne, ‘cause his abstract reasoning skills don’t seem to be fully developed), so there’s no need for you to say, “It has been my experience that those who don't get it, won't and, if it is then explained, they are so embarrassed to admit they didn't get it they then deride the sense of humor of those who do get it.”
[If I may digress for a moment, please lay on the couch whilst I put on the AK “shrink’s” hat.
Hmmm, Mr. CharleyMike, very interesting statement. So you are saying not everyone understands the nuances of the ambiguous farm terminology you use, and you’ve found this creates great embarrassment. Mr. CM, have you considered that the voyeuristic activity you describe is perhaps embarrassing to you, rather than the person you are talking to, and that this is why you personalize their perceived embarrassment by your obviously defensive remark about their derision of your sense of humor?....ah, your hour is up…please see the receptionist, let her imprint your credit card, and I’ll see you this time next week to hear your response.]
AK to CM: I gotta hear why you believe your 'jewel' of a post allows you to think you are "wonderful, good-looking, annnnd intellectual".
CM to AK: Where'd the jewel reference come from? You got "jewels" on the mind or something?
CharleyMike, a “jewel of a post” is a figurative term; because of your farmish orientation has subtlety of language has been lost. Please note that the word “jewel” was used and that you have changed it to “jewels” so that you can see the word in a context you are familiar with.
[If I may digress for a moment…time, one week later…place, the shrink’s office...
Mr. CharleyMike, I hope you have reflected on my questions from last week; however, before you answer, I was reviewing my notes from those iHub postings that you have found so troubling, and it appears there may be a defensive pattern in the way you respond to people. I see that you posted the following:
Where'd the jewel reference come from? You got "jewels" on the mind or something? A simple observation that not everyone can be wonderful, good-looking, and intellectual elicits defensive snide remarks. Try real hard not to be so defensive.
Notice how you have strung together a series of non sequiturs . Jewel becomes jewels, you then feel threatened and issue a defensive insult, and then summarize by projecting your own feelings onto that supercilious Mr. Kvetch. ah, your hour is up…please see the receptionist, let her imprint your credit card, and I’ll see you this time next week to hear your response.]
AK to CM: “Computer Tip of the Day: "Ziiiiiiiiinnnnnnnng. Went waaaaay over your head, huh!" would indicate you have spilled coffee in your keyboard, and the sugar is making the keys stick.”
CM’s response: “no sugar in the coffee. Kinda' gets my motor runnin' and it goes fast enough for me as it is.”
CharleyMike, what does one have to do with the other?
[If I may digress for a moment…time, one week later…place, the shrink’s office...
Mr. CharleyMike, I hope you have reflected on my questions from last week; however, before you answer, I was reviewing my notes from those iHub postings that you have found so troubling, and I have concluded your defensive pattern of posts may be self-induced by the amount of time you’ve been spending out on the range engaging in your prurient pastime of watching breeders. What has convinced me of this is the constructive and well-intended comment by that nice Mr. Kvetch about your computer keyboard, and how you again gave him an irrelevant and deeply personalized answer. If you re-read the posts, you will see another non sequitur. ah, your hour is up…please see the receptionist, let her imprint your credit card, and I’ll see you this time next week to hear your response.]
Well CharleyMike, I’d like to give your posts a comprehensive response, but I need to go out now to buy the fixin’s for the hot sauce for tonight’s BBQ. Y’all take care now, and don’t let Mr. Chur-ak git to you.
Your big-city friend,
AK
p.s. Does the expression “All hat, no cattle” mean anything to you?
...stop what, when I'm talking???
spitting
AK
Anybody who would qualify as a tester doesn't belong on this thread.
Before we accept your statement as the gospel, let's hear what Fred has to say.
AK
hasher5, voulez-vous cesser de me cracher dessus pendant que vous parlez!
AK
Churak, la police, ne t'a pas encore trouvé?
AK
Churak, you have to admit that if Bob knew the real reason you wanted to search PM's, he might not have been so responsive; unfortunately he did some code thing so you can't search everybody's PM, but I'm sure Sarals can help you hack around that, at least as far as Matt is concerned.
AK
p.s. I think you made a mistake letting Bob know your little secret -- you sure you didn't want that message to Sarals to be a PM? Maybe your EDIT window is still open so you can delete it?
CharleyMike, yes, I don't get it. Doubt anyone else does either, so why don't you explain the (very) hidden pun, and let me consider an apology to you.*
AK
* as/if appropriate
p.s. I gotta hear why you believe your 'jewel' of a post allows you to think you are "wonderful, good-looking, annnnd intellectual".
p.p.s. Computer Tip of the Day: "Ziiiiiiiiinnnnnnnng. Went waaaaay over your head, huh!" would indicate you have spilled coffee in your keyboard, and the sugar is making the keys stick.
Churak, here is the "long" version. #msg-536351
AK
Est-ce difficile trouver une cravate plus odieuse que vous?
Churak, my French is very limited. Are you saying "Ich bin ein frog"?
AK
Breeders is great to watch & small wagers just to keep it interesting. Usually pay good prices.
CharleyMike, you said “Change the "is" to "are" and it makes better sense.”
I’m sorry, but even making your change does nothing to clarify the questions posed in
#msg- 554284.
AK
p.s. Thank you for your (needless and uninformative) suggestion.