LOLOL!

OMGosh!

GOOD ONE!
other good ones before this!

Hey ya'll keep up the good work!
we might just get our country back

LOL! Thx! hadn't seen that in years!

they sent my subscription date and info

bye

An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies.

When the interview was over, the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman.

“Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?”

After thinking for a while, the Irishman took the pencil, drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.

The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not nine!”
“Oh yes, it is”, said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, “Tree + Tree + Tree make nine!”
The interviewer returned the paper to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99.

After thinking for a long while, the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer.

The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not ninety-nine!” “Oh yes, it is”, said the Irishman, “Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety-nine.”

The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off, so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all; therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time, the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil, drew a little blop on the bottom right-hand side of each three, and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not 100!”

“Oh yes, it most certainly is”, said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent,

“Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd, make a 100.

can't access settings since last week........

and nowhere did I indicate I couldn't post a link........

a friend did pm me the info......
and my response was- told you they didn't want my money or me here....
which I've accepted......

I knew that info- saw it last week.
ergo- I repeat- but can no longer link to it
same with subscription info.....same as being booted.

you too?

On Thursday, could edit my profile. Today, Status and profile doesn't work when clicking on it.
Talk about getting the boot. Yep, can't even see my subscription date. Ya'll enjoy. litre......T

OMG, I laughed out loud!!!!!!!

LOL! Is that guy singing the one that used to do crazy sounds on
the cop comedy movies?

a huge bldg basically imploded

him and me both....rain makes less mud as well
mud season from hell here

LOL

NICE
good article just before that, 1st I'd seen of that

A lawyer runs a stop sign in Dublin and, quite rightly, gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. He thinks that he is smarter than that Irish policeman because he is a lawyer from London, and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop.
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense.
The Irish Garda comes up to him and says, "License and registration, please."
The lawyer replies, "What for?"
"You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop sign."
"I slowed down, and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop. License And registration, please."
"What's the difference?"
"The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
The lawyer tries to outsmart the Garda "If you can show me the legal difference between "slow down" and "stop", I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
The Garda says “OK then, sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir."
The lawyer gets out, but before he manages to say anything else, the Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the lawyer with it and asks: ”Now do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

Little Billy was a brat, and his parents always had a hard time finding a babysitter because nobody wanted to deal with him.
When Billy’s parents planned a short getaway, they were stumped about what to do with Billy. His dad said, “He can stay with my parents. My father is no-nonsense, he won’t put up with Billy’s disobedience.”
So Billy’s mom told him about the plan. Billy rolled his eyes and said, “Whatever.” The day of the trip arrived, and they took Billy to his grandparents’ house. Billy didn’t say a word, and when they arrived he barely acknowledged his grandparents. “Don’t worry, he’ll be fine,” Billy’s grandfather said.
Billy’s parents returned two days later, and were greeted by a very happy, smiling Billy. He hugged his mother tightly and said, “I missed you so much!” She looked at her father in law, who just nodded.
On the ride home Billy’s dad asked what Billy had done at his grandparents’ house. “Well not much the day you left,” he said, “I was rude to Grandma and didn’t want them to talk to me. So that night, Grandpa took me out in the woods and made me walk about a mile carrying a big sack. Then we stopped, and Grandpa told me that I had to find my way back to their house in the dark all by myself.”
His mother was shocked, “Oh my gosh! You had to walk a mile in the dark? I can’t believe Grandpa made you do that! It must have been rough!”
Billy replied, “No, the rough part was getting out of the sack.”

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
?“Hallo, Mr Macron!” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland.
?I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”
?
?“Well, Paddy,” Macron replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”
?
?“Right now,” says Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!”
?
?Macron paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.”
?“Jaysus!!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.”
?
?Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. “Mr Macron, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”
?“And what equipment would that be, Paddy?” Macron asks.
?“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer and Murphy’s farm tractor.”
?Macron sighs, amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.”
?“Saints preserve us!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”
?Sure enough, Paddy rings the next day again. “Mr Macron, the war is still on!
?We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!”
?
?Macron was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.
?My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!”
?
?“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” says Paddy, “I will have to ring you back.”
?
?Sure enough, Paddy calls the next day again. “Well, good mornin’, Mr Macron, I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.”
?
?“Really? I am sorry to hear that,” says Macron. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
?“Well,” says Paddy, “we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no fookin’ way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.

THE REDHEAD
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glasseye came flying out of its socket.
He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of
the air and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterward they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies.
( The suspense is killing you, isn't it ) ?
She said .........
" You're just the first man who
Happened to catch my eye. "

THE REDHEAD
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glasseye came flying out of its socket.
He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of
the air and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterward they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies.
( The suspense is killing you, isn't it ) ?
She said .........
" You're just the first man who
Happened to catch my eye. "

sharing that one!!!!

OH! THAT'S NASTY!!!!

Many Many years ago
was sitting in the living room watching something on the TV with my son
and this Miller moth came flitting across in front of me and I spread my legs
and let one rip....the moth went down like a Zero or a Messerschmidt during
WWII......It was hilarious....He jumped and picked it up...and was roaring

You Killed IT!!! It's stiff like it's dead! It was hilarious, he tossed it out the door
where it went down like rock into the grass

Yeah I saw that and she was great!

Commerce guy was on Bloomberg yesterday
and the msm person tried a gotcha
and he just stuffed her with
THAT'S MSM garbage and I don't respond to that garbage......
it was GREAT!

yeah buddy! That's a BIG 10-4

really good and worth watching imo

really good and worth watching imo

OMG!!!!!!!!!!LOL

you only do it when you need coffee BAD and that's all there is
2x for me, once was in Cancun and the other in Denver...
hardest part is saying you just want a cup of strong BLACK COFFEE
and not having to answer 20 questions

it was pretty good like the one where he was a hitman for the Russians?

I like Appaloosa best because of how his char holds his crap together
all the way until the end and then does what needs doing and rides out of town

yep

some good ones for sure!

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside

And asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "

Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue,

curse the umpire or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?"

Once more, the small boy nodded in agreement.

The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play,

it's not a dumb-ass decision or that the coach is a shithead is it?"

"No, coach."

"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?”
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The youngest brother gasped for breath and replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time dude. God is missing and they think WE did it!"

** Be aware **
We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) just been to pick it up and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!WTF??!!! I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...
And there it was ...
... A Peeking Duck!!!

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

O’Toole applied for a forklift job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.
A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.
When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The manager went to O’Toole and said: "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Norwegian the job."
And why would you be doing that? replied O'Toole, "We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job?"
The manager responded, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?"
That's simple. On question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down - 'I don't know.'
You wrote - 'Neither do I

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him:
“I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.
"Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
“Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion