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Parents win suit to kick 30-year-old deadbeat son out of their house. . .
I seem to suffer from "See It Differently" disease. I'm not pleased that the parents won in court. Their son should remain at home.
I'm convinced that the proper role for parents is to raise children who are able to mature, become independent, and take their place in the World. This couple failed miserably.
Why should society shoulder the burden of supporting this parasite? And let's be clear about it, this fellow will be suckling on the Public's Teat once weaned from his parents'. Why should we let the parents off the hook? Decisions have consequences. When choices are bad, outcomes cannot be good.
And what kind of an example does this set? Screw up Royally -- it's OK because society will "Kiss it and make it better!" What's the next guy to think? "Should I make the tough choices or take the 'Easy Way?'"
Father used to say "If you break it, you fix it." So the question now is "How is this son to be fixed." (It's tempting to say that he should be fixed the same way the family dog gets "fixed," but that's not a really useful suggestion.) A better approach would be to teach him the skills for survival in this world. And as those skills develop, reduce the support he's given. Eventually, he'll be ready and eager to leave.
In the meantime, I'm sure the parents will enjoy their victory. But the reality is they produced son who is a failure. When that sinks in, it's gonna be painful.
Cheers, PW.
Is it just the way the light is hitting her or does she have a boogie in each nostril?
She should give her "Trigger Finger" a little workout before facing cameras.
Cheers, PW.
School Shootings
. . .put a gun toting patriot at the gate in a folding chair with an AR15. . .
Maybe instead of putting the guy out there, a photo of him would do. But the image must be augmented with a message that the guys are there, but not in plain sight, not alone, and constantly relocating. And perhaps it would help to show some typical wounds inflicted by hits from the type of gun they're using. Hint: Use hunting ammunition that's far more destructive to flesh than the military stuff.
To be effective, the message to deliver is that malevolence will be confronted and overpowered in a profoundly painful way. And that this is absolutely certain.
As well, the news about the attempt will NOT reach the media.
Cheers, PW.
An article dealing with how to avoid being shot by a soldier.
Not Shot
Cheers, PW.
For Mothers' Day. . .
"Walk off the Democratic Plantation"
. . .Note: This does not include makeup artist Ingrid Grimes-Miles. . .
Judging by the ugly puss put in front of the public, I'm not surprised that her face painter didn't get mentioned.
Cheers, PW.
So Mrs. Obama wants to be "Forever First Lady."
I'm reminded of George Washington's words as he left office. In "my words" he said he served, now he's done, and he's wishing us well.
The contrast cannot be starker.
Cheers, PW.
Farewell Address
I have both digital and analog clocks. If I want to know the time, I prefer the digital clock. But I rarely need to know what time it is. Far more often, I need to know how much time I have, or how long I need to wait. For this, the analog clock seems better.
In the kitchen, I have both types of timers, but for some things, the sand in an egg timer tells me what I want to know in an instant. Maybe this is a brain function thing. Perhaps some people are wired to process identical data differently. Those only able to use one type of clock lack the freedom to choose.
I have two clocks visible on my computer screen. The Windows clock in the "Tray" area is digital and the "Alarm" clock on the screen is analog. Which one I use depends on "why" I'm checking.
It seems we're really quick to discard learning things that are not immediately useful. But where do we stop? In a "Velcro" world, buttons are redundant. Who needs to learn to tie laces when we have slip-ons and zippers? Will reading become a victim of audio books?
Cheers, PW.
P.S. I spent considerable effort writing a "Calculator" program that does basic arithmetic using Roman Numerals. Although not particularly practical, the exercise left me in awe of today's number system. And maybe that's what's missing -- a sense of appreciation for knowledge previous generations have discovered and passed down to us.
P.P.S. Now I'm left pondering "What do you get when combining a Stupid Person with a Smart Phone?"
P.P.P.S. We also have a "Husbands' Cooking Timer" in the kitchen. It's attached to the ceiling in the centre of the room. (OK, it's the smoke detector.)
I can't get my head around the Cop and the Coffee Shop story.
If I were running a coffee shop, I'd serve FREE coffee to cops. And of course, they'd be allowed to use the washroom. It's common sense.
This would result in more cops visiting my establishment. And they'd likely be dropping in randomly. How would this impact the behaviour of the other customers? Common sense would tell me that "rowdiness" would be reduced at the least, and maybe more serious crime curtailed too. And as a side-effect, the entire neighbourhood would enjoy the benefits from the additional police presence.
In an era of tight budgets and competition for scarce resources, for the cost of some hot water and a paper cup, a valuable benefit would come my way.
Cheers, PW.
Young adults won’t be ready to tie the knot or start a business if they can’t cross the street.
A couple of days ago, I stopped to purchase gasoline. While attending the pump, a school bus stopped and turned on the flashers, the usual practice before passengers disembark. Our laws require traffic traveling in both directions to stop. I watched.
Two "students" emerged. My guess is that it was a girl and a boy, but one cannot be certain these days. My evidence: The taller one had a beard and the shorter one looked to be late enough in pregnancy that I wouldn't be surprised to witness a childbirth on the sidewalk.
Of course, they strolled casually, totally unaware that a considerable backlog of cars had joined the queue of unfortunate interrupted motorists.
I can understand stopping and waiting for little kids leaving the school bus. Tiny bodies are no match for a couple of tons of steel. But does there not come a time when this precaution is no longer necessary? I'd think that by the time one attends high school, crossing the street safely should be a well established life skill.
Now, society seems extending the baby-sitting into post-secondary education institutions. If young people remain immature throughout their entire school years, when do they become adults? This is a serious question.
Maybe a more serious question should be "If kids aren't learning this basic stuff, what are they learning instead?"
Cheers, PW.
Harsh, but I bet it would be effective.
Maybe it's not harsh. The question should be how many invaders would die at the border under this policy versus how many citizens would die within the nation if the invaders were allowed to enter. Once this question is answered, the merits of this policy become axiomatic.
Cheers, PW.
Citigroup got $476 billion in cash and guarantees: the most of any bank. Now Citibank is repaying the generosity of the American people by requiring its clients to impose their own gun control policies on their stores. Impose gun control on your customers or Citibank will discriminate against you.
From an article about how banks are being used to impose gun control. . .
Banks
Cheers, PW.
. . .Deputy Moises Carotti was suspended with pay. . .
How does this differ from a vacation?
Cheers, PW.
From time to time, I "hint" to my husband that he should update his wardrobe. After seeing "The Latest" I'll learn to be content with his current look.
Men's fashion
Cheers, PW.
Although not exactly the irritation you mentioned, it's close. . .
I had a video opening on a favourite site and nothing I tried would take care of it. Even AdBlock-Plus proved ineffectual.
I ended up putting the source of the video into my system's Host file with an address of 0.0.0.0
That fixed it instantly.
Peace at last.
Cheers, PW.
P.S. These days, I don't remember so well so I use .CMD files to automate stuff. Here's the .CMD file I use to replace my Hosts file (or jog my recollection of both where to find it and use Elevated privileges). . .
@ECHO OFF
REG QUERY "HKU\S-1-5-19" 1>NUL 2>NUL || (ECHO Run as Administrator & GOTO :EOF)
TITLE Re-Name Windows Hosts file and Install new Hosts file
Copy /Y C:\Windows\System32\Drivers\etc\Hosts C:\Windows\System32\Drivers\etc\_Hosts
Copy /Y D:\Internet\Hosts C:\Windows\System32\Drivers\etc\Hosts
TITLE (*_*)
“Only a white man would believe you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket.” -Unknown
A perfect explanation of how Daylight Saving Time originated.
Cheers, PW.
Oops! Sent response to wrong message.
Senior moments abound these days.
Sorry, PW.
Watching this video of a guy cleaning a vinyl record using glue, I couldn't help but wonder what the "copy" he made would sound like if he played it.
My guess is that it would be hideous because "new" groove would be an inverse replication of the vinyl between the grooves of the original. Even if the sound were reasonably well replicated, the left and right channels would be out of synchronization by roughly 2 seconds (for a 33 RPM record.)
Quite some time ago, my husband asked me to drop in at the hardware store and pick up a few pipe fittings and gave me a note specifying the type and size. When I asked the clerk for assistance, he inquired: "Male or Female?"
I didn't know how to answer. I assumed my husband was NOT planning on breeding them, but I purchased both genders anyway.
What do hardware stores do today? Do they stock all the perversions of the ever proliferating gender choices or do they simply stick with the traditional Male and Female and provide Hack-Saws and Welding Supplies to enable customers to become Politically Correct Plumbers in the privacy of their homes?
Cheers, PW.
P.S. I can live without the answers.
They took the whole Cherokee Nation. . .
Warning!
Do not click on this link if you're eating or drinking. The risk of spewing whatever's in your mouth from uncontrollable laughter is serious.
PhotoShop
It's not what I usually share, but who couldn't use a smile on Monday?
Cheers, PW.
Anyone who has ever visited what President Trump called a "Shit-Hole Country" will know that his choice of words were totally inaccurate: Because they were far too complimentary.
Cheers, PW.
"A moose in the hoose!"
A neighbour lady, who recently immigrated from Scotland, once said this to Mother. Mother worried that this was serious. (At the time, we lived in the far North where moose were common.)
Sister understood. She explained that the woman had "A mouse in the house!"
We have a mouse in our house. (Or had.) Upon finding droppings in the kitchen drawers, we emptied them into the dishwasher and set a trap. The next morning I left a note for The Commander. . .
No mouse
No bait
We tried again. This time, The Commander used pliers to grip the cheddar much more securely. At about 10:30 PM, a loud "Snap" came from the kitchen. The trap did it's job.
We'll continue with the trap until we're certain no mice remain. I hope it's soon, because I want to get the cleaning done and enjoy cooking without searching through temporary storage for every item I need.
What I've learned from this: Humor is profoundly fickle.
While setting the mousetrap, I accidentally triggered it and received a painful reminder to be more careful. I did NOT think this was the least bit funny but The Commander almost split his sides laughing. I don't know what hurt me the most, my sore finger or my damaged ego.
Yesterday, The Commander lost focus while setting the trap. This resulted in a painful finger, an entertaining dance accompanied with lyrics that turned the kitchen air blue. Meanwhile, I became folded in half with laughter. I couldn't help but think that if the mouse saw his performance, it would leave on its own for a house with saner inhabitants.
And what about tomorrow? We learn from our experiences. No matter who sets the trap, we'll do it when the other is occupied elsewhere.
Cheers, PW.
P.S. I envy those writers who manage to make a living giving Marriage Advice. It seems like a simple enough formula: Recall life's petty annoyances, reflect on how they reacted, and compare what worked with what didn't.
. . .Except for some local news and weather. . .
It's tempting to record the Weather Channel on really nice days. That way, when I land in the La-Z-Boy after some exhausting "Shovel Combat" with the aftermath of the latest blizzard, I have something encouraging to look forward to. So what if it's six months out of date? I'm too pooped to care!
Cheers, PW.
Did you ever wish you could buy liberals for what you know they’re worth and sell them for what they think they’re worth?
With this as the first line in an article, it became a "Must Read" for me. Luckily, it's brief, about two computer screens long.
It explores why liberals need to think they're superior to conservatives. And one doesn't need to spend too much time with either to see that the author makes some accurate observations.
Article
Cheers, PW.
Could you please share an overview of such lengthy articles and provide a link for those who want more detail.
I cannot speak for others, but when I see something that's been "Pasted" instead of "Written" I scroll to get past it. When it's "Crazy Long" I risk skipping past the next few messages too, simply because I lose focus when screen after screen of text goes flying by.
Your articles often deal with important matters. It's a shame that their presentation renders them worthless and diminishes the utility of the "No-Lib" thread as well.
Cheers, PW.
Apparently, a couple of jokers released an excerpt from the "Fire and Fury" book in jest. The Liberals, ever so coiled to strike, fell for it.
The "Book" claimed that President Trump enjoys watching "The Gorilla Channel" on television.
Gorilla Channel
Disclaimer: I don't know if the story is true, or the story about the story is true. But I'm certain of this -- I'd rather watch "The Gorilla Channel" than most of the stuff that comes over the airwaves.
Cheers, PW.
Thank-you for sharing the Carnac video. It reminded me of a file I had saved a couple of decades ago. Although the timing, intonation, and facial expressions are lost with text, the words remain. And they're still funny
CARNAC: I must have absolute silence...
ANSWER: Nestea Plunge.
QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his toilet is stopped up?
A: Peter Pan.
Q: What do you use to fry a peter?
A: Mount Baldy.
Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales?
A: The ZIP Code.
Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the bathroom?
A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?
A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday.
Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles.
ED: Certainly worth waiting for...
A: Black and white and twenty feet tall.
Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong.
A: "Coming home."
Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter be sending Georgia soon?
A: An unmarried woman.
Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, 1952?
A: Cyclone.
Q: What do call the clone of a guy named Cy?
A: "Hi diddly dee."
Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly dee?
CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister
A: Henry R. Block.
Q: Name one guy who's rich after April 15th.
A: Rosy red cheeks.
Q: What do you get when you squat on a rosy red fire?
A: The Orient express.
Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice?
A: Bible belt.
Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants?
A: Tail of Two Cities.
Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. Paul?
CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest.
A: Gatorade.
Q: What does an alligator get on welfare?
A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.
Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand grenade?
A: Until he gets caught.
Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve?
A: Old wive's tale.
Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest?
A: Kumquat.
Q: What do you say when calling your quat?
CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts.
A: De-frost.
Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass?
A: Head and shoulders.
Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's car?
A: High rollers.
Q: Describe a stoned bowling team.
A: Gunga din.
Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga?
CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your girlfriend.
A: A full moon
Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants?
A: Crabgrass.
Q: What do crabs get high on?
CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion up your turban.
A: "Follow the yellow brick road."
Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office?
A: At both ends.
Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles?
A: Igloo.
Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off?
A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea.
Q: Where is the American dollar headed?
A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.
Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?
A: Fondue.
Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all night?
A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente.
Q: Name two words that have no meaning.
A: Executive action.
Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar?
A: The Laughing Policeman.
Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself?
A: Dustin Hoffman.
Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman.
CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez.
A: Eleven.
Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller?
A: Trapper John.
Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand?
A: Mr. Coffee.
Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby.
A: Superbowl.
Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom?
A: Plumber's helper.
Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper?
A: Milk and honey.
Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder?
CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal drip.
A: Supervisor.
Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes?
A: Lo-fat.
Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor.
A: Rub-a-dub-dub.
Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub?
A: Black feet.
Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife?
CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel.
A: Zippo Marx.
Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?
A: Touchback.
Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?
A: O'Hare.
Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? "Oh, hair..."
A: Over 15 billion served.
Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone?
A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.
Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy-Kitchy?
A: Flyswatter.
Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor?
CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your grandfather.
A: Lorne Green.
Q: What happens when your lorne rots?
A: Ironware.
Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts.
A: Hickory Dickory Dock.
Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory dickory?
A: The big ten.
Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe contest.
A: Disjoint.
Q: What was dat hippie smoking?
CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy Hoffa.
A: "Rose Bowl."
Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling alley?
A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon.
Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk.
A: David Frost.
Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david?
A: That darn cat.
Q: Who ruined that darn rug?
CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only sister.
A: SAG Strike.
Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to work?
A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge.
Q: Describe two people who like to cheat.
A: Damnation Alley.
Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong Show"?
A: All the President's men.
Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture?
A: Madame Kitty.
Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely?
A: Mop and Glow.
Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island cleanup team?
A: Bi-focal.
Q: Name a focal that goes both ways.
A: Skalliwags.
Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy?
CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret compartment in your sister.
A: The American people.
Q: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race.
A: "I never promised you a rose garden."
Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise us?
A: Quarter Pounder.
Q: What did Jimmy Carter's mother call his first baby tooth?
A: "Sorry bub, no pub."
Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force One?
CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister.
A: Grape Nuts.
Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo?
A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American car industry.
Q: Name three things on the endangered species list.
ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one.
A: Snap, crackle, pop.
Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make?
A: Shake-N-Bake.
Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The Towering Inferno.
A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter.
Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors.
A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush puppies and red-eye gravy.
Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun?
A: Shareholder.
Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be?
CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini.
A: "Gung Ho!"
Q: What do you say when you want to get your Gung to stop?
A: Timbuktoo.
Q: What comes after Timbuk-one?
A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S.
Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"?
A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels."
Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk?
CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted proctologist.
A: Los Angeles Dodgers.
Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team?
A: "The Dumplings."
Q: What do you call tiny little dumps?
A: Double hernia.
Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror?
A: Blazing Saddles.
Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch?
CARNAC: May a crazed sultan force you into mouth-to-mouth resuscitation with a sick lizard.
A: Evon Guligan.
Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a plunger.
A: Sueeee, sueeee.
Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts?
A: The Rock of Gibralter.
Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around his neck?
A: Baja.
Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh?
A: KKK, IRS, UCLA.
Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla?
A: Rough cut.
Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi?
CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your seats.
A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths.
Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar?
A: Once is not enough.
Q: What's the major cause of divorce?
A: The Loch Ness Monster.
Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa?
CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora tissue.
A: Beethoven's Fifth.
Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf?
A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo.
Q. What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas?
A: Around the world in 80 days.
Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office?
A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M.
Q: Name three movements
A: "Leave it to Beaver."
Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will?
A: Keep your eyes on your prize.
Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor?
CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub.
A: The diamond lane.
Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church?
A: Jaques Cousteau.
Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles?
ED: What with all the rain, I guess...
A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder.
Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose.
CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your sister's hope chest.
A: 13 Queens Boulevard.
Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have.
A: WKRP In Cincinnati.
Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon?
A: 60 Minutes.
Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California this year?
A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a lizard.
Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat nowadays.
A: Fun with Dick and Jane.
Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie?
A: Roots.
Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide?
A: Kris Kristofferson
Q: Name a Kristofferson.
CARNAC: May Dr. J slam dunk your cat.
A: "The Front."
Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress?
A: Sex.
Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and violence?
A: The Sugarland Express.
Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses?
A: The Newlywed Game.
Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor?
A: Putting on the dog.
Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree?
CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your pants.
A: Stick 'em up!
Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be?
A: Pot luck.
Q: What do you call not getting busted?
A: Burn the candle at both ends.
Q: What does a stupid altar boy do?
A: "Yes man."
Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman says?
A: Touch and Go.
Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor?
A: 2001.
Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in?
CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to the Denver Nuggets.
A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak.
Q: Name two movies and a suppository.
A: Fort Knox.
Q: Where do supermarkets store their meat?
A: Shake and bake.
Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake?
A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac.
Q: Name three people who like to bomb.
A: 2001.
Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive?
A: "Small craft warning!"
Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man yell when he hears flushing?
A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death.
Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade?
A: Sale of the Century.
Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions.
A: Chariots of the Gods.
Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays?
A: Kaiser wrap.
Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king?
CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped skirt.
A: Ultra-conservative.
Q: What's an Orange County toothpaste?
A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell
Q: Name two rams and a goat.
A: Bedbug.
Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker?
A: Lady-in-waiting.
Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest stops.
A: Unleash.
Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune juice?
A: Natural gas.
Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree?
CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on your only sister.
A: Kaleidoscope.
Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your kaleido?
A: Ransack.
Q: What's a drink made with dry sack and prune juice?
A: A thousand clowns.
Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles?
A: Last Tango in Paris.
Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and prune juice?
A: Pussy Willow.
Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow?
A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One.
Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game?
A: Buddy Holly.
Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy?
A: England, France and Greece.
Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC Commissary.
A: Earth, Wind and Fire.
Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary?
A: You asked for it.
Q: How do you get it?
A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer.
Q: Name a chimp, a champ and a chump.
A: Pat and Debby Boone.
Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing "You Light Up My Life."
A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by parents.
Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess Margaret's door?
CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accient on your toupee.
A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and the memoirs of Richard Nixon.
Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff.
A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris.
Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak.
A: 50 miles per hour.
Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue?
A: 2001.
Q: How many football games were televised over Thanksgiving?
A: Never on Sunday.
Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas station?
A: The 11th Hour.
Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour?
A: Rat pack.
Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles?
A: The four musketeers.
Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers.
CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip.
A: Fit to be tied.
Q: What is a mother of 27 children?
A: Revenge of the Pink Panther.
Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh?
A: Double trouble.
Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune juice?
A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage.
Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud.
A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises.
Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock.
A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season.
Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn.
A: A potato, Burt Reynolds and Sgt. Shriver.
Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud.
A: Elmer, Roger and Billy Carter.
Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud.
A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris.
Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool.
A: Planter's Punch.
Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts
CARNAC: May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your shorts.
A: Groundhog.
Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages?
A: Pipe dream.
Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps?
A: Green thumb.
Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with?
CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range.
A: The CIA.
Q: Where should you address all your mail?
A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer."
Q: What are two bad names for a laxative?
A: "Here's Boomer."
Q: What's a rude thing to say when you're dropping a bomb on a country?
A: Short eyes.
Q: What do you get when you put Preperation H in your Murine?
A: "Oh God!"
Q: What do people always say when Howard Cosell is on?
A: Sha-na-na.
Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something?
A: Eight is enough.
Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret?
ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. [applause]
CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's hooped skirt.
A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz.
Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk.
I seem to be out of step when it comes to the weather. I expect January to bring snow and cool temperatures. I walk a few miles every morning. It's a simple thing to check outside before I go. Today, it was -15F and windy. I had to choose between insulated snow pants and slacks, and picked slacks.
The only accommodation I made for the weather was to grab an extra Kleenex because cold winds can make my eyes water if they catch me at the wrong angle. Because less than an inch of snow fell, I didn't need boots.
In short, it was like Summer walks except for a heavy coat. Because of clouds, I couldn't enjoy the Moon and Stars, but I had my music to help pass the time.
As I neared home, I encountered a big snow drift. I knew I couldn't get past it without some high-stepping and good luck. I was blessed by neither, and arrived home cold and wet. But I survived.
I usually check the Weather Channel before bed. Tomorrow looks like -2F with a few flurries. We won't see -20F until Friday.
Although Winter seems in a hurry this year, it hasn't been a big problem. I assume we'll simply get acclimatized a bit earlier and not experience any discomfort for the rest of the season.
And I'm sure those who enjoy skiing and snowmobiling are enjoying themselves.
Cheers, PW.
P.S. In Canada, where I live, they've changed to using Celsius degrees for reporting the weather a few years ago. This was an awful decision. It's been below zero for most of the Winters ever since!
Time waster. . .
I enjoy looking at photographs from an earlier time, but on occasion I get carried away.
For example, when looking at this, I began counting the people in the picture. I was simply amazed at how many were in it.
Picture
And no, I didn't get an accurate count. Not even a close approximation.
Cheer, PW.
Is it just me, or does anyone else think those California homes look like the house kits featured in Sears catalogues from the 1950s?
I'm not ready to grab the phone and call the vendor, but one attractive thing that really stands out: there's no snow!
Cheers, PW.
P.S. As far as the prices go, as long as some other person is willing to pay more as time goes by, it's just a matter of tying up some capital. (Of course, if the pool of potential buyers evaporates, so does your "investment.")