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WHERE IS THE PERSONAL PART OF LIFE!
Borrowed from "mayu" at Excel's Coffee Shop #msg-3142551
WHERE IS THE PERSONAL PART OF LIFE!
Are we only machines......I received this email from a friend.
Motto: Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die......... This is just so priceless....and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is....
My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now was somewhere around $60.00
I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections"
CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
CitiBank:"...excuse me .?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you... the part about her being dead?"
CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given )
( After they get the fax. )
CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death"
Me: "Oh..."
CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well.. if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."
CitiBank: "Well..the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
CitiBank: "That might help."
Me: " ( Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given.)
CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
Anybody care for some extraordinary social responsibility?
Can a cup of coffee build a school and help break the cycle of poverty in Latin America?
Tuesday May 11, 5:20 am ET
It can, if it's a cup of San Francisco Bay Gourmet Coffee.
Every bag of San Francisco Bay Coffee sold at Costco helps family-owned roaster 'Brew the Right Thing' for people and the environment
San Francisco Bay Coffee Co. Builds 'Grounds for Hope' - Through Education / New Schools for Latin America Coffee Farm Families
SAN LEANDRO, Calif., May 11 /PRNewswire/ -- A year ago, 12-year-old Lupe Gonzalez dreamed of a better school -- at least better than the fertilizer shed she shared with 200 classmates. Or perhaps having her own textbook instead of sharing the same one with all of the children at her home on the Santa Maura coffee farm in Nicaragua.
Today, Lupe has her own textbook and -- instead of wishing that the fertilizer fumes would go away -- now dreams of being a teacher after classes end at her new school built by the family-owned San Francisco Bay Coffee Co. The company's "Source Aid Development Program" helps improve quality of life for thousands of coffee farm workers and protect the environment at 17 coffee farms in Latin America -- where each farm receives MORE than the price mandated by Fair Trade.
The new school at Santa Maura is just one of many projects completed or launched by San Francisco Bay Coffee Co. (www.sfbaycoffee.com) -- one of the Rogers Family Companies whose gourmet coffee and tea products are sold nationwide.
And coffee lovers who buy San Francisco Bay Gourmet Coffee at Costco stores throughout the Western U.S. -- including California, Oregon, Washington, Nevada, Idaho and Montana -- are helping the company "Brew the Right Thing" and provide houses, schools, medical facilities/medicine, doctors and food for coffee farm workers.
To date, San Francisco Bay Coffee Co. has built eight schools and 41 classrooms in Mexico, Zambia, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Costa Rica and Panama. To ensure school attendance at Santa Maura in Nicaragua where baseball is "King," the company funds/sponsors a Little League team. But there's one unbreakable rule -- all players must attend school OR they can't wear the uniform. In their inaugural year, the team won the Nicaraguan State Championship in their division.
"We believe that education can help break the cycle of poverty in the world's coffee growing regions," said San Francisco Bay Coffee Co. President Jon B. Rogers, who visits approximately 100 farms each year. "We appreciate our customers' support that helps us foster partnerships that raise the standard of living for not only an individual coffee farm but also the entire community and also protect the natural environment."
Mexico's Finca Hamburgo ("Finca" is Spanish for farm) also has a unique way of boosting school attendance -- the students are paid! San Francisco Bay Coffee pays each family the amount their children would earn if they picked coffee instead of attended school. In this way, family incomes are not diminished, and the children receive an education.
With customers' help, San Francisco Bay Coffee Co. has also recently built 85 housing units; provided doctors, nurses, teachers, food and clothing, clean drinking water and energy systems; and funded college scholarships while protecting rainforest and wildlife.
EDITOR'S NOTE: For more detailed, longer press release, please click http://www.sfbaycoffee.com/site/index.php?option=displaypage&Itemid=59&op=page
San Francisco Bay Coffee Co. is one of The Rogers Family Companies founded in 1979 by Princeton University graduate Jon B. Rogers.
CONTACT: Jon B. Rogers of San Francisco Bay Coffee Co., 800-829-1300; or Jim Zelinski of Zelinski Public Relations, 415-882-7787, for SF Bay Coffee Co.
Doctor Visit
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells, "What did he say?"
His wife yells back, "Give the doctor your underwear."
re: Tillman
John Trever, New Mexico, The Albuquerque Journal
The new Homeland Security Bill has passed.
Things will be different now. Internet surfing will be
tracked by the FBI with a non-intrusive method.
The FBI says you will not notice anything different.
For a demonstration click on the link below
http://users.chartertn.net/tonytemplin/FBI_eyes/
Special Hymns
(from #msg-2877277 by "teapeebubbles". Might be worth a try in your congregation.)
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to alter the worship service, and, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
Norwegian Math....
A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job when along came
a Norwegian. I'm not hiring any Norwegians, the foreman thought to
himself, so he made up a test to avoid hiring the Norwegian without
getting into an argument.
"Here's your first problem," the foreman said. "Without using numbers,
represent the number 9. Without numbers?" The Norwegian says.
"Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the
Norwegian
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second question. Use the
same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Norwegian stares into space for awhile then picks up the picture
that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "'Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to
represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now! So it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and
dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this Norwegian,
so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again but represent the
number 100."
The Norwegian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture
again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "'Ere
you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!"
The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each
tree, and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now
you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a
turd, which make one hundred. So when I start?"
Flashback
Stolen from "JustDoIt" at BOT #msg-2830634
Thomas Jefferson
==============
A dozen quotes by Thomas Jefferson, 3rd President of the United
States. Born April 13, 1743
I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I
feel myself infinitely the happier for it.
I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against
every form of tyranny over the mind of man.
I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.
I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and
public debt as the greatest of dangers. We must make our choice
between economy and liberty, or profusion and servitude. If we
can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people
under the pretense of caring for them, they will be happy.
In questions of power, then, let no more be heard of confidence
in man, but bind him down from mischief by the chains of the
Constitution.
It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and
occupation, which gives happiness.
Never spend your money before you have it.
Resistance to tyrants is obedience to God.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are
created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with
certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty,
and the pursuit of happiness.
A little rebellion now and then is a medicine necessary for the
sound health of government.
And to preserve their independence, we must not let our rulers
load us with perpetual debt. We must make our election between
economy and liberty, or profusion and servitude.
Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.
We have a crisis of leadership in this country. Where are the
Washingtons, the Jeffersons, and the Jacksons? I'll tell you
where they are - they are playing professional football and
basketball.
~Author Unknown~
I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of
human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House-
-with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined
alone.
~John F. Kennedy~
Inscribed over Jefferson's grave as he had instructed:
Here was buried Thomas Jefferson
Author of the Declaration of American Independence
Of the Statute of Virginia for Religious Freedom
And Father of the University of Virginia
~Thomas Jefferson (April 13, 1743-1826)
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/4104.htm
Prepare to Fly - Let MountainWings.com help lift YOU over the Mountains of Life.
Free daily inspirational email. http://www.mountainwings.com
A lot of wisdom in those quotes. (I love the JFK quote.)
Thomas Jefferson
==============
A dozen quotes by Thomas Jefferson, 3rd President of the United
States. Born April 13, 1743
I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I
feel myself infinitely the happier for it.
I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against
every form of tyranny over the mind of man.
I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.
I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and
public debt as the greatest of dangers. We must make our choice
between economy and liberty, or profusion and servitude. If we
can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people
under the pretense of caring for them, they will be happy.
In questions of power, then, let no more be heard of confidence
in man, but bind him down from mischief by the chains of the
Constitution.
It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and
occupation, which gives happiness.
Never spend your money before you have it.
Resistance to tyrants is obedience to God.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are
created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with
certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty,
and the pursuit of happiness.
A little rebellion now and then is a medicine necessary for the
sound health of government.
And to preserve their independence, we must not let our rulers
load us with perpetual debt. We must make our election between
economy and liberty, or profusion and servitude.
Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.
We have a crisis of leadership in this country. Where are the
Washingtons, the Jeffersons, and the Jacksons? I'll tell you
where they are - they are playing professional football and
basketball.
~Author Unknown~
I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of
human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House-
-with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined
alone.
~John F. Kennedy~
Inscribed over Jefferson's grave as he had instructed:
Here was buried Thomas Jefferson
Author of the Declaration of American Independence
Of the Statute of Virginia for Religious Freedom
And Father of the University of Virginia
~Thomas Jefferson (April 13, 1743-1826)
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/4104.htm
Prepare to Fly - Let MountainWings.com help lift YOU over the Mountains of Life.
Free daily inspirational email. http://www.mountainwings.com
Advertising - I wonder if you can figure this one out?
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath, too.
Snow White relents and says, "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around." Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into the water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into the water before she can. The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED.
Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised?
"SEVEN UP"
You Might Be a Redneck if...
Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
You have a relative living in your garage.
Your neighbor has asked to borrow a quart of beer.
There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
None of the tires on your van are the same size.
You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.
Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.
Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
Your doghouse and your living room h! ave the same shag carpet.
You've slow danced in the Waffle House.
Starting your car involves popping the hood.
Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
You whistle at women in church.
You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.
You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.
More You Might Be a Redneck If....
Your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.
You've spent a significant portion of your life at a Shoney' breakfast bar.
Your wear cowboy boots without socks.
The Glamour Shots people give you your money back.
Your favorite kind of wine is strawberry.
You're constantly having to erase your sister's name from restroom walls.
Your best shoes used to be someone else's.
Your wife sleeps on the couch every time you eat at Taco Bell.
You can pick objects up off the floor with your toes.
You think a holiday without fireworks is like a day without sunshine.
You put beer on your cereal.
Your lawn fertilizer was in your cow about five minutes earlied.
You met your last three wives while on the pay phone outside the convenience store.
Your coffee table is also a cooler.
You've ever French-kissed within five feet of a Dumpster.
You're listed as "uninsurable" and you're not yet out of high school.
Everone in your family has been ticketed for loitering.
Your mailing address includes the word "holler."
Your wife's wedding ring is starting to rust.
Your satellite dish has more square footage than your home.
Everyone knows what color bra you're wearing.
You think disposable diapers are an appropriate wedding gift.
There's graffiti on the bathroom wall in your own house.
Your wedding band turned green on your honeymoon.
You've ever used a bathtub as a punch bowl.
You've ever used a trampoline as a wedding buffet table.
You broke a toe when you dropped your belt buckle on it.
You've ever worn flip-flops to a funeral home.
Paul Conrad, Los Angeles, CA -- The three time Pulitzer Prize winner from the Los Angeles Times Syndicate
http://www.cagle.com/working/040315/conrad.gif
Priorities change:
Walt Handelsman, Long Island, NY, Newsday
Daylight Saving Time
Comedians Williams and Ree ( http://www.williamsandree.com/main.htm ) said it best,
"Daylight saving time is like cutting off your head and standing on it so you'll be taller."
Excel,
After that IRS post, I expected to see the Peanuts cartoon. I think you had it as part of your signature for awhile. Still a classic.
I used to use it in a potato gun.
It was always on sale somewhere, cheap propellant.
Once used it on tuning and loading sliders in an FM transmitter. Took all of 15 seconds to fill the transmitter shack with smoke. Apparently it doesn't hold up well under 40,000 watts of rf. Never tried that again, cough, cough.
Double Pain
=========
Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were
the expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.
This week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his
work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay
for them.
Boy, oh boy, did we go 'round. Just because I'm getting old
doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy
had told me last year...
"that in one year the windows would pay for themselves."
There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up
and I haven't heard back.
Guess I must have won that silly argument.
http://www.mountainwings.com/past/4084.htm
Prepare to Fly - Let MountainWings.com help lift YOU over the Mountains of Life
HMO MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED
Q. WHAT DOES HMO STAND FOR?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of "The Three Stooges," who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
Q. I JUST JOINED AN HMO HOW DIFFICULT WILL IT BE TO CHOOSE THE DOCTOR I WANT?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you, but are no longer participating in the plan. But, don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just half-a-day's drive away, and a diploma from a third world country.
Q. DO ALL DIAGNOSTIC PROCEDURES REQUIRE PRE-CERTIFICATION?
A, No, only those you need.
Q. CAN I GET COVERAGE FOR MY PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. WHAT HAPPENS IF I WANT TO TRY ALTERNATIVE FORMS OF MEDICINE?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. MY PHARMACY PLAN ONLY COVERS GENERIC DRUGS, BUT I NEED THE NAME BRAND. I TRIED GENERIC MEDICATION, BUT IT GAVE ME A STOMACH ACHE. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. WHAT IF I'M AWAY FROM HOME AND I GET SICK?
A. You really shouldn't do that!
Q. I THINK I NEED TO SEE A SPECIALIST, BUT MY DOCTOR INSISTS HE CAN HANDLE MY PROBLEM. CAN A GENERAL PRACTITIONER (OR HIS PHYSICIAN'S ASSISTANT, IF HE'S NOT FREE) REALLY PERFORM A HEART TRANSPLANT RIGHT IN HIS OFFICE?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot .......
Q. WILL HEALTH CARE BE DIFFERENT IN THE NEXT CENTURY?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might be able to get an appointment by then.
I'm trying to do the math here. At 14 years old, it is 1/4 vote. 2 years older and that doubles to 1/2 vote. 2 more years and that doubles to 1 vote. Carrying it further, I'd be entitled to way, way, way over a dozen votes. I hardly have enough time to vote twice now.
scot, re: vkb on Regis
Laporte will be on Regis show 9 Mar. VKB?????
http://boards.go.com/cgi/livewithregis/request.dll?MESSAGE&room=upcoming&id=1882
" Tuesday, March 9, 2004
The week continues when Regis and Kelly welcome OMAROSA, recently fired from "The Apprentice", actress MARIA BELLO, talking about "Secret Window" and LEO LAPORTE is here with the latest in technical gadgets."
Leo Laporte is a regular guest. No specific mention of VKB found....but.....??????????
As "dman21" posted on the 3rd (#msg-2516294), "20 million people might see VKB on Regis 3/9"
re: Steroids
Mind Games Of A Trader.................
This from "excel" #msg-2539013 on
"Free Zone / User's Groups / Break Out Trading (Bill Panetta)" #board-2059
Mind Games Of A Trader.................
I see a lot of posts from traders who jump in momo's only to see they jumped in at HOD.
That can become very discouraging.
As a trader there will be days you have trigger lock.
You made good bank the other day and now don't want to give it back.
Or you just can't decide what to buy.
Had one of them the other day.
Days where when you jump in on a momo when it's up .02, it stalls, and there you are in dead money.
There will be days after doing that you see the same set up, decide not to jump in, sure enough the stock being up .02 goes up another .05 and you are just sitting there asking yourself why me?
Then you continue to read all kinds of posts about making bank today as you made little, if any.
Your timing sucked.
Your fills sucked.
And all you are doing is sitting there reading about ther winning trades.
You will always every day read about the winners.
Rarely do you hear about the losers.
To be a trader it is like a lot of things in life.
You got to keep a level head.
Keep things in perspective after you made a bad trade.
A way to win this game is to use a service like freetrade or some other low cost service so jumping in and out of trades the phycological commision cost won't even have a chance to play in the back of your mind.
Another way is to remember this isn't about you losing trades.
It is about you shoving your ego and denial asside and taking a small loss instead of staying in only to see what was a small loss, turn into a huge loss.
There will be times you got shook out and the MM's take it way up. Yes, that happens.
But percentage wise it happens less then when L2 is telling you support is gone it's time to save your capitol.
When you stay in a trade hoping to get your money back only to see it go down farther after telling yourself you should get out now, not only are you losing more money then the small loss you should have taken, you are losing money on your next winning trade.
If you would have cut your loss short instead of having denial overcome you, your next winning trade would had have more shares bought.
Instead those shares are sitting in no mans land.
Keep your head up.
I sometimes have rotton days when all I read about is others winning.
Other times I have great days when I don't read a lot of posts about others winning.
Limit your losses.
It's all about making more winning trades and stopping your losses short.
Keep a level head and don't be discouraged about reading all the posts saying they made great bank
Your days will get better.
Hard work will change your state of being down, to I can win at this game also.
Excel
Every day that you attempt to see things as they are in truth is a supremely successful day.
Stolen from tootie wafflebuns:
#msg-2510958
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings
doofus bubblechunks? (virtually) LOL
I've been called much worse.........................
and quite often.
Efficiency Experts
This is a story that gives us an important lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization.
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."
I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.
So before he walked off, I asked the waiter,
"Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 percent."
"After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."
Actually, the thanks goes to J.D. Crowe, Alabama -- The Mobile Register. Credit where credit is due.
I just pasted.
re: The movie
http://cagle.slate.msn.com/working/040226/crowe.jpg
Sunday funnies
Raymond, Good to hear from you again. Words of encouragement are always appreciated. Thought maybe you were off prospecting or something.
A couple of catchy "thoughts for the day" from an email:
Do the math ... count your blessings.
If you worry, you didn't pray . If you pray, don't worry.
(my grandmother had it as, "if it ain't worth praying about, it ain't worth worrying about!")
As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us be still so He can untangle the knot.
The most important things in your house are the people.
And my favourite of the bunch:
Dear God,
I have a problem,
it's me.
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
John the Baptist ate bugs
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer...AND
Lazarus was dead!
...no more excuses now. God can use you to your full potential.
Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.
Excel, got this via email some time ago. The first paragraph of the Newsong Ministry post brought it to mind. Seemed like a good time to post it. Indeed the Lord gets it done in spite of us.
Hallowed ground?
It seems curious enough to us to be standing on ground that was once actually pressed by the feet of the Saviour. The situation is suggestive of a reality and a tangibility that seem at variance with the vagueness and mystery and ghostliness that one naturally attaches to the character of a God. I can not comprehend yet that I am sitting where a God has stood, and looking upon the brook and the mountains which that God looked upon, and am surrounded by dusky men and women whose ancestors saw him, and even talked with him, face to face, and carelessly, just as they would have done with any other stranger. I can not comprehend this; the Gods of my understanding have been always hidden in clouds and very far away.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Innocents Abroad, 1869
Chapter XLV
I once saw a man working upon his roof. I called up, "You trying to get closer to God up there?"
He shouted back, "Don't have to climb, He came down to our level."
Smart man.
There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so thin. The husband then donated some of his skin.
However, the only place suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before. All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty.
She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey. I get plenty thanks enough every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!"
OIL SHORTAGE...There are a lot of folks who can't
understand how we came to have an oil shortage
here in America.
Well, there's a very simple answer.
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
We just didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for that is purely geographical.
All our oil is in Alaska,
Texas, California, and Oklahoma.
All our dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs,"Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then, she yells, "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Couple pictures:
By now you've heard of the avian influenza outbreak.
Bearly relaxed:
One more word on NASD extension:
This from RB
http://ragingbull.lycos.com/mboard/boards.cgi?board=UIBI&read=5761
Someone from a different site wrote the following:
I am writing in regards to the NASD decision today 2/18/04 to delay the implementation of the new short selling rule from 2/20/04 to 4/1/04. I am a concerned and troubled by the decision of the NASD for three reasons. First, when the NASD announced this rule implementation last month individual investors, like myself, saw it as a sign that some of the naked short selling abuses would come to an end.Hence we made decisions to hold positions we believed may have been subject to naked short selling and, in some instances, increased our positions in anticipation of the 2/20/04 rule implementation date. Myself and many other investors were hoping that the rule would help market efficiency and the fact that naked short selling abuses has historically been a manipulative tool to keep stock pps down. Second, the decision of the NASD to change their deadline less than TWO days before implementation is not only a complete disregard for investors but sends the message that the NASD is itself not capable to enforcing it's rules and deadlines. Finally, delaying the rule implementation until 4/1/2004 will force investors to make unfair decisions to either hold on to positions that are now being and will continue to be subject to naked short selling or to sell, sometimes at significant loss, because we are losing faith in the ability of the market to act fairly. Who is to say the NASD won't delay the ruling on 3/29/04, two days before the new "soft" deadline. I raise this issue to point out that in the end the NASD gave the excuse about upgrading their technology to handle orders differently. This excuse is bunk, because they have ALWAYS been able to place "normal" orders. I would appreciate a public response to this issue.
You can find your legislator's addresses here:
www. bacweb. org/govtrelations/legislators.asp
".......we are losing faith in the ability of the market to act fairly." I never thought the market fair.
I kinda like how it now takes effect on April Fools Day!
Edit: But which is the fool?...us or them?
"To be is to do" ~ Socrates
"To do is to be" ~ Jean-Paul Sartre
"Do be do be do" ~ Frank Sinatra