Register for free to join our community of investors and share your ideas. You will also get access to streaming quotes, interactive charts, trades, portfolio, live options flow and more tools.
Register for free to join our community of investors and share your ideas. You will also get access to streaming quotes, interactive charts, trades, portfolio, live options flow and more tools.
You mean he DID have a Tates compass?
Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products and, since they already made the cases for
pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers
traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of
finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended
up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is
the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
Churak, I was doing a little research, and I think I found out how your great-great-great-grandfather may have come to be in Canada. Do you know if he had a Tates pocket watch?
AK
Lucky for her they have housing in Mall of America.
AK
WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF MY LIFE?
"and yes, this story has been posted on iHub before"
BY CHURAK!!!
ak
Say Churak, notice how that little shoe story shut CarolyN up?
AK
Churak, I musta missed it -- just how far behind is our dear ex-Warden?
AK
Churak, it's so early out here to play 'word association', but if you must (and yes, this story has been posted on iHub before), sigh....
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
young seagulls. One day his supply of the hatchlings ran out, so he
had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two
lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped
over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with
transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
You just don't get it, do you? Oh, why do I trouble myself trying to ed'cate poor Churak?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
SHE DID!!!
Had to...wife sold the bed, and they couldn't lift it with me in it.
AK
p.s. And to you wifey, NICE TRY!!
Hmmmm, how could one have possibly guessed?
AK
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hint: #msg-546088
I won't follow any lines from either of you!
Carolyn, you need to brush up on your syntax. That should be:
I won't follow any lines from you either!
AK
p.s. And don't try to cover with that split-personality routine -- I ain't no Gemini.
Carolyn, this is JUST for YOU. The rest of you preverts, degenerates, lurkers and lookie-lows, CLICK ON NEXT!
AK
============================================
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile
teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the
plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned,
having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray
eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced
gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs
of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a
word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire.
With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to
unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided her through
this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she
had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate,
confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.
Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire
that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed
that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for
one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! -it will never fit!"
Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been
made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed
over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.
And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned.
Oh, yes, this woman would want more.
She would want to do it again and again and again............
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
DON'T YA JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES?
Do you think we'll get in trouble?
Just try not to be in the showers the same time as Churak, and don't fall for the "Oh, I dropped the soap. Would you puleeze pick it up for me?" line he uses.
AK
I don't do that.
Oh, Carolyn is a "nice" girl...she may not admit it, but a few days here in ye olde hoosgow and you can be sure she'll be a'cussin' under her breath...
AK
Great, Churak -- take your pot shots while you know I'm not around to defend myself.
AK
p.s. And thanks for defending me, Carolyn, hasher, MM, Fred....
How utterly appropriate, you sending that message to yourself!
Churak, think Warden Matt will give this a try on iHub?? (note bolded sentence below) Questions: Do you play soccer? Ever been in a marching band? (see last paragraph)
============
Thai prison's sex experiment
Friday, October 18, 2002 Posted: 3:46 PM HKT (0746 GMT)
No physical contact will be allowed and the prisoners will remain under close watch
---------------------------------------------------------------
BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) -- To discourage growing homosexuality in prisons, the Thai Corrections Department will allow male and female inmates to mix with each other, officials have said.
No physical contact will be allowed, and the mixing of sexes will be for limited periods during vocational training under close watch, they said.
In an initial experiment next month, 922 female inmates in a prison in the northern Nakhon Sawan province are to be allowed into a men's zone where they will work together on vocational activities, said Nathee Chitsawang, deputy director general of the Corrections Department.
"The activity will be closely monitored by wardens. After the activity they will be escorted back to their respective zones," Nathee said.
If the experiment is successful, it will be expanded to other prisons nationwide, but there are no plans to house men and women together in prisons, he said.
He said officials have gathered anecdotal evidence that homosexuality is growing among the 250,000 inmates, including 50,000 women, in the country's 132 prisons.
"A study showed that after long confinement with the same sex the inmates look at their fellow prisoners as more beautiful than people of the opposite sex," Nathee said.
"Male prisoners don't dare to look in the eyes of females when they come across each other," Nathee said. "This behavior has created the problem of homosexuality and we hope that mixing the sexes would help lessen the problem," Nathee said.
Overcrowding
Thai officials say that homosexuality is causing more tensions in the country's notoriously overcrowded prisons, designed to hold just 100,000.
The overcrowding, caused by an increasing number of drug convictions, has been blamed for frequent fights and riots. In an effort to ease tensions, officials started a meditation course for inmates earlier this year.
Officials also encouraged inmates to form music bands and held soccer matches during the World Cup.
Excel, thanks for ratting out hasher, but get real -- everybody here (except moi, of course <g>) gets their material from somewhere else -- ask Churak, he's the King of Plagiarism -- but it's mostly inadvertant; people just 'forget' to provide attribution.
Besides, this is the Jail -- what else would you expect in Sheriff Matt's "Elba"?
<g> AK
Note: this post was edited added to
If a person is so dumb that he has to look up potato in the dictionary, do you really think the "farinaceous tuber" is going to clear that up for him.
Hashman, I disagree with your hypothesis. I believe anybody who uses a dictionary cannot be dumb. Also, you must remember where you are -- this is Jail, and the dictionary collection in the library is specialized.
At the risk of you calling me dumb, I have looked for the word "potato" in the prison dictionary, and it is not there. [Although, as an aside, I did find: "Spud Juice: Homemade alcohol, sometimes made with potatos."]
See: http://dictionary.prisonwall.org/
AK
p.s. I must say that getting to the root of your question takes all the starch out of me.
p.p.s. Breakfast at the iHub Jail tomorrow is farina, and don't make any mealy mouth comments.
Once there was a circus that was without a doubt the best circus in the world because it boasted the best lion tamer in the world. He was spectacular, the lions would do whatever he said, the high point of course was that he would stick his head in a lion's mouth.
When the circus started losing money the owner started selling off animals and equipment to help meet expenses. He called the Lion Tamer into his office.
"I'd really like to keep you on, because you keep the circus going," the owner said. "But I've had to sell your lions because they cost too much to feed. Still, you're good, and we need you, so if you can come up with an act with what we have left, you've got a job."
"Well, I do need a job," the Lion Tamer said. "What animals do you have left?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," the owner said, "the only animal I have left is my faithful old Bassett hound. I'd never sell him!"
"I'll take him," said the Tamer.
So the Lion Tamer worked with the Bassett hound and taught him the entire lion act. The dog caught on right away, but there was a problem: no way was the Lion Tamer's head going to fit into the dog's mouth.
"My foot will fit," the Lion Tamer said, so he tried it, and sure enough the dog picked that up too.
Opening night, the Lion Tamer did the act with the Bassett hound, and the crowd loved it. They'd never seen anything like it before. At the end of the act, when the Lion Tamer put his foot into the dog's mouth, the crowd went wild.
"Encore, encore!" the crowd yelled.
Well, the Lion Tamer hadn't thought of an encore before, so he thought to himself, "If one foot is good, two is better."
So he stuck his other foot into the dog's mouth. Well, the two feet together are almost as big as the dog's head, so the dog was choking and gasping, and finally out of self-preservation, he clamped his jaws shut, biting off the Lion Tamer's legs at mid-calf.
And the moral of this story....?
Don't put all your legs in one Bassett.
Uhh, Carolyn, nothin' like getting' caught in a lie your first visit to th' Jailhouse.
You was on th' phone? Nah, you was on-line with Herb...hate to tell you, but we have a computer in the library for sendin' messages to Sheriff Matt and ex-Warden Fred, and lookie here what it shows:
#msg-545603
You got some serious explainin' to do for all them thar lurkers on this here thread.
"Trust me."
Well don't that beat all; I thought that was a big city expression. Say Carolyn, perhaps you'd care to explain how you know what that means, growin' up in Midwest suberbia...(hey Churak, lend an ear, this otta be goood).
AK
It crashed my browser!
I'll bet it did. That's what you get for going to low-brow humor sites, especially the ones Churak sends people to. Bet he didn't tell you he gets paid for referrals.
AK
(And while we are on the subject, ask him how much he getting paid per post to keep those S.I. types occupied while they are in the iHub jail -- all so Matt can spend his time eating KKD.)
Hmmmm, Carolyn's not around. Bet she's on line with Herb. Hey, I hear the dinner buzzer...gotta get in line to get my share...this inmate is outta here...Carolyn, come back and visit with us...Churak is awful hard to be alone with...oh, one more for you Carolyn:
It was that time, during the Sunday morning
service, for "the children's sermon," and all
the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty
dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned
over and said to her, "That is a very pretty
dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The little girl
replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
Good work Churak. Next thing you know you'll be telling Carolyn, "Trust me". You think she doesn't know that's a euphemism for (censored by the Warden)?
And you took them to church too?..........
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to
church for the first time. The church lights
were lowered, and then the choir
came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
All was quiet until the little one started to
sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you..."
Churak, I'm sure ole Herbie won't be new to her...hey, that reminds me, you seen ex-Warden Fred around? Thought he was out conjugating verbs today.
Check again, smarty-pants...I've got fast fingers! Don't I keep telling you to re-check your work??
Carolyn, remember these days? ...
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She
was about to turn off the light when he asked
with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will
you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't, dear," She said. "I have to sleep in
Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last
by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
We aim to please. Unfortunately Sheriff Matt won't let us show videos here. I have some that unquestionably are suitable for you. Maybe after Churak is finished viewing them he will...oh, never mind.
Here's the whole list. Keep in mind, here in the jail we get old newspapers, but the librarian has them indexed by headline. Number 23 should have special meaning for you.
BEST NEWSPAPER HEADLINES OF 1998
1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Carolyn, you see this newspaper headline:
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
It's in the jail library. Thought Mr. Blue Shoes might be interested when he gets out of the showers. Hey Churak, you leave the soap on the floor again?
Don't know where you live, but here in the big city you can get arrested for that. You hear about the dumb one who would spray paint his name on chain link fences?
I'm afraid to ask, but whose member was grandmothered?
Do you know if he's read "French Sandles", by Phillipe Philloppe?
Martians???
Hey big boy -- don't steal my material -- didn't you mean that post for Carolyn?
Hi Carolyn...yeah, ain't those purdy 'nannas a-peel-ing?