Signs of Wear: "Old" is when . . .
. . . your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one--I can't do both."
. . . your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
. . . a sexy babe catches your fancy, and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
. . . going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
. . . you don't care where your spouse goes just as long as you don't have to go along
. . . . you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.
. . . "getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.
. . . "getting lucky" means you find your car in the lot.
. . . an "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee