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AKvetch

07/18/02 1:07 PM

#1008 RE: Poet #1007

Signs of Wear: "Old" is when . . .

. . . your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one--I can't do both." . . . your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

. . . a sexy babe catches your fancy, and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

. . . going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

. . . you don't care where your spouse goes just as long as you don't have to go along. . . . you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.

. . . "getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.

. . . "getting lucky" means you find your car in the lot.

. . . an "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.



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AKvetch

07/18/02 1:09 PM

#1009 RE: Poet #1007

Poet, here is the Shaw piece:
============================
Hints on pronunciation for foreigners
George Bernard Shaw

I take it you already know
of tough and bough and cough and dough.
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through.
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead-it's said like bed, not bead.
For goodness sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat.
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.

A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother,
And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear for pear and bear.
And then there's dose and rose and lose
Just look them up--and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward.
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come I've hardly made a start.

A dreadful language? Man alive,
I'd mastered it when I was five!



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Bird of Prey

07/18/02 1:15 PM

#1011 RE: Poet #1007

Speaking of wordplay enthusiats...


I've been editing my tagline (one liners for inclusion in signature lines in messages) database for the express purpose of making the database search friendly online. There is even talk of integrating it with certain message board posting systems.
If you love this kid of bumper sticker humor and wordplay it should be a real treat.
BTW, did I mention the database contains almost 500,000 taglines?

The Bird of Prey
#board-381