Replies to post #5948 on The Confessional

[teapeebubbles]

oh my sounds as if u mite have a prolapsed u know what

[teapeebubbles]

With a group celebrating their 50th anniversary at their church's 'marriage marathon', the minister asked Brother Bob to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years. The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her travelling on special occasions".

The minister inquired trips to where?

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China".

The minister then said, "What a teriffic example you are to all husbands, Bob. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

Brother Bob: "I'm going to go get her."

[teapeebubbles]

Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as
the evening progressed, he found himself more and more
attracted to her.

After some really passionate embracing, he said, "Tell
me, do you object to making love?"

"That is something I have never done before," Jill
replied.

"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?"

Jack was amazed. "No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never
objected!"

[teapeebubbles]

You heard about the lady with five children whose doctor
prescribed her Valium for anxiety and stress, right?

When she went back in two weeks she told the doctor that
everything was wonderful! She said that her house was
quiet and clean, she had time to read and even enjoy her
favorite television shows each day.

But she did need a refill on her script. "A refill,
already?!", said the doctor, "How many pills are you
taking?"

"Taking!?" the patient replied, "I've been giving them
to my children."

[teapeebubbles]

An Irish daughter, vickey, had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return,
her father greeted her, "Where have ye been all this time?

Why did ye not write to us, even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye
not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute."

Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious
fur coat, and for both of you a title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus
a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex
and for ye daddy, a new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's
parked outside, plus a membership to the country club...and an invitation
for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht on the Riviera
and... "

Now what was it ye said ye'd become?" dad interrupts.

Girl, crying and sniffing again, "A prostitute, dad!"

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye
said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

[teapeebubbles]

Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented. It
was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus
the word GOLF entered into the English language.

[teapeebubbles]

A sailor about to arrive in his home port sends the
following telegram to his wife - In today, home tonight.
Lots of love, Rodney.

His delighted wife received the following mangled tele-
gram - Home today, in tonight. Lots of rod, Lovely

[teapeebubbles]

Drowsing contentedly after an afternoon of making love
in bed, suddenly there's the sound of a car pulling up
outside. Dreamily, the girl whispers, "Oh, oh, quick
get moving, that's my husband."

Quick as a flash, the man jumps out of bed, rushes to
the window and suddenly stops dead. "Hey, what d'ya
mean?" he bellows "I am your husband!"