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Happy New Year teapeebubble
I really enjoy reading your post here on rant and raves
Charlie
that's a good game!
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom,
with hundreds and hundreds of cute,cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his sensitive side,but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and,
after awhile, she finds herself thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips..
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each others clothes and have hot, steamy, monkey-circus Sex!
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy,they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,strokes her cheek,looks deeply into her eyes, and says: 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.' Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?' Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!' Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?' 'Nope', she replied. 'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!' Without changing her expression, Margaret replied,
'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, Shoulda bought a hat.'
I'll be nice and I won't go there
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! too funny
hello teapeebubbles thought you might agree with that
The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women
10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space...
4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
3. A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
2. gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....
1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he laughs.
OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first:-
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea...'
To which the little girl then replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
good morning John I'll take the Houston Texans today thanks
I think he needs to be cut off after 12 beers
lol a blue moon would taste good about now
it's not fair Carlos made me pick the Packers
hello John I'll take the green and gold this week GO PACKERS
thanks bro to close for comfort though 10-7 bal
Good morning John I'll take the Baltimore Ravens please
I break even at .03
I'd love to get some of my money back
hey LP I think there's only a hand full of us left...I'd love to see this come back to life. I'm not asking for much just a penny or two would be nice.
I knew you would say that lol! :)
it takes 2 hands to handle the whopper
LOL!! I'm not sure there's anyone else in the menroom besides me
thanks I'll post this in the mensroom
No!!!!!!!!not this week I think Dallas will kill them...I haven't made my mind up yet. I'll let you know in a few days.
Thanks John
hey John what up bro...please include me in this years pool...Lets go BUCS!!!!!!!!
I wish the big volume was causing this to go in the other direction... I should have sold when I was up
The Cremated Husband
Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.... You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!" Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her
fingers in the ashes she said, "Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!" Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?" Here it comes
DAYUM..that's funny
no if I posted her picture they might ban me lol!!!!!
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said.
'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied,
'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.
'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
===============================================
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when
he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist
to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this
tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too. '
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One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey,
I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh..'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
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