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I don't use news feeds on my computer. I have a cable modem for my computer and also have Fox News (FNC) on the TV upon awaking until 7:00 PM weekdays. Reading news on the computer screen is too hard on my old tired eyes and doesn't allow me to properly focus on iHub and SI friends conversations. I only need to hear 50% of TV news to get the gist. I need to concentrate 100% to find out the news by reading a computer screen.
HEY!!! This is supposed to be a Joke thread, not True Stories.
For those of you who thought you knew everything, here's a refresher course..............
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are 50 yrs of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
So did the first "Marlboro Man."
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six ft away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second?
William Jefferson Clinton
(Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)
And the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts. And drunks can exhale thru theirs.
Now you know everything there is to know.
Of importance, that is!
The cost of oil based products vs the cost of natural gas may be the driver for this stock in the short term and further out might be the auto co's response to future oil supplies and environmental concerns, with hybrids, hydrogen and other fuels.
I don't know much at all about this company, but one of those typical maybe P & D mailers re a new strike, 1300% by the end of the year, yada yada yada. They are now at about $0.60 after a long slide from last year. I am not making any personal recommendation because I have one of the worst records possible in BB stocks - 0 winners for 12 buys. This board is just for information only. I am buying 1000 shares tomorrow (Thurs, 02/17/05). Make up your own mind and post any new news if you come across any, and please credit any source you have.
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
No, I don't."
'Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh, well. I tried," he thought, but five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!!!!"
Gotta watch those little old ladies!!! Their minds are always working!
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.
The theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.
The top ten were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
8. Viagra, Like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, home of the whopper!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs
Heard these on Blue Collar Comedy.
=======================================
If you are a man who can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you are either gay,................or married.
and,
Had a friend whose son had sex with his teacher. Too bad the boy was home schooled.
Several from an e-mail to me from a friend and posted on SI.
http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=21046718
http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=21046787
http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=21046804
http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=21046818
http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=21046846
http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=21046862
Is this the "Never Closed Bar" or the "Never Clothed Bar"? The latter might be the better choice with Valentines Day coming up.
Two Blondes
A blonde was speeding down the road in her little red sports car, when she was pulled over by a female cop who also happened to be a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
The driver dug through her purse and, unable to find her license, was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she huffed.
The cop replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a small square compact mirror, looked at it and handed it to the cop. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde cop looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
What kind of mine hires babies? They used to use canaries for that.
Can anyone help me get my address bar back? I don't know where or why it went away but I can't find it.
I have a Dell Dimension 2400 with Windows XP Home edition, new in May 2004. There is a Google search bar where the address bar was and I don't know how it got there. I need my address bar back. Can't find a page address to copy and send to a friend. It may have something to do with my being old and disabled, but I hope not.
Any help will be greatly appreciated. TIA.
Chas
Make sure you paper train first.
It's only a proposal in the State of the Union speech. Congress has to pass it into law first. Call your Congressman & Senator and let them know what you think about it. After Congress messes with it, it'll be a bigger mess, just further away in time.
Don't be an idiot. Let's just kill SS and then the people getting it or are about to can go F**k themselves. I'm 63 and on SSDI and would give it up in exchange for limiting freedom of speech for some senseless people.
The system doesn't change for anyone 55 years and older. The shortfall due to the private accounts is what the trillion or so borrowed now out of the general fund keeps the 55+'s payments as promised in the SS Act.
Because the number of payers per payee keeps getting smaller and the number of payees keeps increasing and living longer. By allowing 2% of SS tax to be set aside in private accounts that will earn more than the system does now, it will cost a trillion or so more now to meet the promised payments, but a lot less than making up several trillion in shortfalls every year by raising taxes or the SS system goes broke in 30, 40, or 50 years, maybe the entire Fed gov't. Bummer.
THE LEGLESS PARROT
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Geesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?
The parrot responds, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy says. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this; how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
The parrot responds, "Well, this is very embarrassing. but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssst"...said the parrot, truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT???" The guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and put his hands under her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down...."
"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.
Excellente! Kudos!
You might consider as a slogan (if you are off your rocker)
Oh Chit! Sell!!!!
What kind of women do you hang out with?
Because Matt solicited opinions doesn't make this any less of a group think project. Mike should at most solicit only his partners opinions on the logo choice. You sound like someone broke your crayons.
It's a lot easier to flush a toilet than shitting in a bucket and hauling it outside to empty. Indoor plumbing is much better than indoors with no plumbing; I know from experience, I stayed with my Granddad and aunt once, he was 90 and didn't see any reason to spend any money on fancy doodads that he didn't have when he was a kid.
Matt should make up his own mind. Group think came up with the Edsel and the Pacer.
The best ones are automatic, you don't have to even think about where the switch is.
I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains
The Air force had us use it to clean the wooden barracks floors in basic training, circa 1961. Worked fine, too.
I had to disable Norton Internet Security and my popup blocker before the pics would appear.
Friends,
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy ...
Because of your concern...
I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258 time)
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you so much for looking out for me!
I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits.
I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin twice removed.
18-DD (Double Derriere)
I'm not sure about the Brewer's logo, but I do remember going to Brewers games when I was 9&10 yrs old and they were a AAA farm club of the Cincinnati Redlegs. A few years later they were the Milwaukee Braves and my family moved to Cincinnati and I became a Reds fan, going to Crosley Field for $0.25 as a high school student. ahhh, memories.
Feel Good Memories:
http://www.thestatenislandboys.com/U_thrill_me/
Maybe it wasn't any good? Put it up yourself and let the masses judge for themselves.
You'll have to carry some handicap weight. I weigh 350 lb.
Still had to disable Norton Secuurity. But thanks.
Try all the bottom configurations one at a time and using your "Back" button as needed. What colors do have a problem with - red/green or what? Just experiment until you find a combo you like and then copy the name of the preset or the entire chart list of settings for getting them back if need them later or use to make changes.
I am a disabled senior citizen and will still be trying to learn how to use this infernal machine until I am the "late" Chas. Funny thing is I started out in 1981 on an IBM PC at work; I think I'm up to 1986 by now. Also had a Mac Plus from 1985 to 1996 at home. I'm not sure if it's me slowing down or the planet is spinning faster and faster. I might have to switch to wheel chair racing old ladies at Walmart. :~(
Or pick a different one from the bottom of the page. I use "Wine". If you change it and don't like it, you can use your "Back" button enough times to get back to your previous setting and then save it again.
I disabled Norton Internet Security and all the logo's were there. Now it's back to "Enabled" and the logo's are gone again. The logo's are good looking, but I'd rather have the Norton I.S. working.
THANKS EVERYONE, FOR ALL THE HELP AND ASSISTANCE.
Just the verbage question.