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...if you are going to be gone for long periods of time, at least leave the girls here with us.
Watch it bud! :)
05/19/03: 1K @ 0.001
I've been grandfathered at both sites. Does that make me a great grandfather? Or just lucky? Or just cheap?
Who said it was Broaddick?????
At last the answer to a long ago question: would swallowing watermelon seeds really grow a watermelon in your stomach? The answer is an unqualified, "Yes". I have been called fat as long as I can remember, but now I know it is the result of a dumb defying of Mom's admonition to not swallow the seeds. I feel better already; except for the upcoming watermelonectomy I need to schedule.
Let's discuss.........
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
Life imitates art once again.
1970 movie, "Colussus: The Forbin Project".
Another Frog-Stabber from an e-mail.
----------------------------------------------------
A woman bought a new Lexus, and returned the next day, complaining that the radio didn't work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Watch this!" he said. "Nelson!" The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he continued, and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.
She drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time she'd say, "Beethoven", she'd get beautiful classical music, and if she said, "Beatles!" she'd get one of theirs.
One day, some kids ran a red light and nearly creamed her new car, but she swerved in time to avoid them.
"ASSHOLES!" she yelled, and the French National Anthem began to play.
-SWAG-$ May 2003 (Close 5-30-03)
~~~~~COMPX 4/30/2003~~~~~ Close: 1,464.31 -6.99
1502 WTMHouston
1537 Chas
1558 shao
05/02/03: 1k @ 0.001
05/01/03: 2k @ 0.001
Congrats to both of you. I was a grandfather at 40 and became a great-grandfather last November at 61. My daughter was a Mom at 18 and a grandmother at 38. I guess she was born hot & horny; her parents certainly were at her conception. If I live another 20+ years I could be a great-great-grandfather at eighty something.
edit: Grandchildren is the way you get revenge on your children. My daughter always thought I was insulting her... until she became a grandmother.
The founder of PETA?: http://www.petawilson-online.com
NOT! But I can have a fantasy, can't I? :)
Add me to that anti-PC record.
...people who have incestual relationships with their kids (who else would they have one with?)...
Siblings??
Anyone who passes the last place car automatically puts themselves a lap further ahead of that last place car. You could lap him/her 10 times. They would still be behind you in last place, but 10 laps further behind than at the start of the race. :)
Trick questions are easy to create if you don't specify all the necessary preconditions of the question.
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person.What position are you in?
[WRONG] Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! (this was only implied in the question, not specified)
If you were not in third place immediately prior to passing the second place person, you didn't change race position; you just got a lap back that you were down to the second place person, or you gained a lap if you were ln first place at the time of the pass... on a closed course.
Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
[WRONG]Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!
Anyone else can overtake the last person in the race; it is called going one lap ahead of the last person... on a closed course.
In both cases the answer is indeterminate without the key piece of information about the race; Is it taking place on a closed course (NASCAR stock car race), or is it an open course race (100 yd dash)?
Don't you just hate knitpickers??
What ever happened to honor? He should resign immediately; that's the only apology that I would consider acceptable. He dishonored himself, the company and it's employees.
A Pox on his kidneys!
4/21/03: 2.5k @ 0.01
4/14/03: 5k @ 0.01
Nobody started the APRIL WAG message, so if there still is one... Here goes.
~~~~April SWAG~~~~
Chas - 1368
4/10/03: 2 trades= 1000 @ 0.01, 500 @ 0.0001
04/09/03: 500 @ 0.01
Or Hawaii. Or Arizona. Or some parts of Indiana. Or at my bird feeder.
edit: minor GRUB
We must rein in our distrust of the Ranee's reign during the rain. :))
I agree that it was an excellent speech; I just wish he could deliver one with half the oratory skill of Ted Kennedy in his prime. For all of his moral failings, young(er) Teddy could deliver one hell of a speech.
Why not bookmark http://dictionary.reference.com and save having a not-the-latest print version? You can search the dictionary and a thesaurus from the same search box. Probably as up-to-date as anything. Try it, you'll like it.
Viva la France!
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered,"
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded,"
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."
From an e-mail:
This says it all!!!
After hearing that the state of Florida changed its opinion and let a Muslim woman have her picture on her driver's license with her face covered this is an editorial written by an American citizen, published in a Tampa newspaper. He did quite a job; didn't he? Read on, please!!!
>IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.
I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.
We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!!!
"In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because GOD IS part of our culture.
If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion, and we will allow you every opportunity to do so. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about GOD, our flag, our pledge, our national motto, or our way of life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great American freedom, THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.
Do you intend to restore the personal choices of the "My Interface" after April Fools Day? I hope so; the colors and bar titles suck! :)
It's not pessimism; it's the power of negative thinking! March close = 1340.78 !!!!!!! :)
Here is an e-mail I received today.
NOTICE FROM CARNIVAL CRUISE LINES
Afghanistan Cruise
We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn't forget that a lot of entertainers had promised to leave the country if George W.Bush became President. With that in mind, we have a Special Offe for those who want to keep their promise!
Attention: Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell, Cher, Phil Donahue,David Gephin, Barbara Streisand, Pierre Salinger, and anyone else who made that promise, please dispose of all US assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise "Elation," which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan. You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq. The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.
Please pack for an extended stay... at least four years and you should consider the possibility of eight years. Note: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any.
Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, Al Gore as cruise director, Monica Lewinsky as recreation director, Ted Kennedy as lifeguard and emergency procedures director, and Congressman Gary Condit as intern coordinator.
If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes,friends and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary Clinton. Her village can raise your children while you're gone, and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.
"BON VOYAGE!"
Is this a great country or what!?
FoxNews Channel played portions of the Arab TV interview of Arnett. They had a retired General Hunt on as a "contributor". The general was steamed about Arnett's performance and put on one of his own. Among other things, he called Arnett "... that bald son-of-a-bitch..., a traitor...". Then Fox went to a break and the general's chair was empty after the break.
03/28/03: 1k @ 0.0001, B/A= unpriced
Help:
"I guess it time two for tuesday and..." ???
One appropriate song might be the old Civil War tune, "When Johnny Comes Marching Home"
A strong woman should bathe often so she doesn't emit a strong odor. :)
France, Germany, Russia, China & Belgium all have major business contracts with Irag involving oil and weapons & weapons materials. France leads the way with over $50 Billion/year in contracts. The Saddamn opposition has already stated that when Iraq is liberated, all the oil and weapons contracts with those countries become null and void.
Chirac & Saddamn have been buddies for about 30 years, before either one had any significant power. Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
~~~~March SWAG~~~~
1199 fung_derf
1250 AKvetch
1275 Churak
1313 shao
1324 Susie924
1331 Chas
1400 BullNBear52
You too, can serve your country! (and have fun doing it)
http://www.confound.com/games/squoosh_terrorist.php
I got 15 of the rags first time.