What to do you call an old dentist? A bit long in the tooth
Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.
Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch.
The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."
The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
I love to go to the dentist. A man in white hovering over me while I'm trapped helpless in a chair. He cleans me. He flosses me. His instruments alive in my mouth. And just when I don't think I can take it anymore, he says, 'Good girl, Marcie, you can spit now.'
- Marcie, from the "Married With Children" sitcom.
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth.
The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious ... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that ... there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie...
What do you call a depressed dentist?
A little down in the mouth.
Why did the guru refuse Novocaine when he went to his dentist?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A lady goes to the dentist. In the chair, the dentist notices a little brown spot on one of her teeth.
"Aha, caries! I'll have to drill this one out!" says the dentist.
"Oh no, I'd rather have a child!!!" cries the lady.
"In that case, let me adjust the chair first," replies the dentist.
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $90.00.
Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.
A guy and a girl met at a bar. They're getting along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and washes his hands.
He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.
So the girl looks at him and says: "You must be a dentist!"
The guy all surprised says "Yes ... how did you figure that out?"
The girl replies: "Easy, you keep washing your hands".
One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says: "You must be a GREAT dentist!"
The guy was very very surprised, he says: "Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl says: 'Easy ... I didn't feel a thing."
A friend of mine went to the dentist recently. He commented that it must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth. He said, "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
ROTFLMAO!