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15 and 17 yr. old National Shag Dance Junior Champs….Do not miss this!
http://videos2view.net/shag-dance.htm
Remember when!!!
Kate Upton In Motion
Kate Upton Slow Motion Symphony - YouTube
Facebook - Another Facebook share lockup expires today, with another 156 million shares becoming eligible for sale
Timmy writes a Christmas Letter
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
* *
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the
time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.*
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
* *
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at
my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
* *
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it
a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been
on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the
bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
* *
Now look here Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends
into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console,
my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
* *
Listen Pizza Face, Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees
you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack.
I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement.
You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* *
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy
* *
Timmy,
That’s what I thought you little bastard.
Santa
Fun test. Â
JAPANESE BRAIN AGE TEST
See if your brain is as old as your body, or (perish the thought) OLDER!
Follow the following instructions since the game is in Japanese.
1. Touch 'start'
2. Wait for the screen to display 3 - 2 - 1
3. Memorize the number's position on the screen; then click the circle from the SMALLEST number to the BIGGEST number.
REMEMBER 0 IS THE LOWEST NUMBER
4. At the end of the game, the computer will tell you the age of your brain.
Good luck!
http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html
Good medical advice from the Jewish sages of old...
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it's harmful if done every day.
2. F***ing relaxes your mind and body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After f***ing, don't eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. Try f***ing in bed 'cause it can save your valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol levels.
SO - REMEMBER ..
Fasting is good for your health
and may God cleanse your dirty mind...
Z just took off
Now, here is how you tell a tale.
http://holycannoli.posterous.com/herschel-the-magnificent-Jew
Police stop :
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as
well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Got in yesterday
Synacor(SYNC) and Zynga(ZNGA) partner to make in-game currency and access to Zynga gamestheflyonthewall.com(Tue 8:06AM EST)
Synacor(SYNC) and Zynga(ZNGA) partner to make in-game currency and access to Zynga gamestheflyonthewall.com(Tue 8:06AM EST)
Z chart looks good for continued move up
I know many of you are perplexed that Alabama lost to Texas A&M last weekend
and also lost its' perfect season.
Coach Nick Saban was also concerned with his team's intensity and play
during the game. When reviewing the game film and finding numerous errors,
especially by the upperclassmen on the team, he was really concerned.
He was visibly distraught and confused that his most veteran players were
making the most errors. When he confronted them, Barrett Jones, a senior
lineman, stood up and spoke for the entire team.
"Coach, we're real sorry that we let you and the University down, but after
winning two championships, we just didn't want to go meet Obama for a third
time."
Saban had no response!
new Neighbor
just moved in
single, lives across street
very attractive, fantastic figure
can see her house out my front window
when she came home today, to my surprise, walked up the driveway
knocked on my door
i could not open it fast enough
she looks at me and says "i just got home and I'm so horny! i have this urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! are you busy tonight? "
i replied "I'm free...no plans at all"
then she said "good, can you watch my dog"
Men think differently than women...and how...check this out...
http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=30220
The Cowboy Boots
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!)
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why...
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet..
He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My mom made me wear 'em.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'
He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'
She will be eligible for parole in three years.
Emergency room
A blonde comes into an emergency room with a gun shot wound to her left index finger.
The Doctor asks; "What happened?"
Blonde; " I was trying to commit suicide."
Doctor; "By shooting yourself in the finger!"
Blonde, "No silly. I was going to shoot myself in the heart but I thought, I spent $5000 on these boobs and I didn't want to mess them up. So, I put the gun in my mouth but then I though, I spent $2000 on these teeth and I didn't want to mess them up either. So, then I put the gun in my right ear and was ready to pull the trigger when I thought, This is gonna be loud. So I put my left finger in my other ear..."
Say What?????
New High School Exit Exam:
You only need 4 correct out of
10 questions to pass.
1) How long
did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which
country makes Panama
hats?
3) From
which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which
month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?
5) What is
a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The
Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after
what animal?
7) What was
King George VI's first
name?
8) What
color is a purple
finch?
9) Where
are Chinese gooseberries
from?
10) What is
the color of the black box in a
commercial
airplane?
Remember,
you need only 4 correct answers to
pass.
Check
your answers below . .
..
ANSWERS TO
THE QUIZ
1) How
long did the Hundred Years War last? 116
years
2) Which
country makes Panama
hats?Ecuador
3) From
which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and
Horses
4) In
which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?November
5) What
is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel
fur
6) The
Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after
what animal?Dogs
7) What
was King George VI's first
name?Albert
8) What
color is a purple
finch?Crimson
9) Where
are Chinese gooseberries
from? New
Zealand
10) What
is the color of the black box in a
commercial airplane?Orange (of
course)
What do
you mean, you failed?
(And if
you try to tell me you passed, you
LIED!)
Sweet SODA
Doo WOp test:
1. When did ''Little Suzie'' finally wake up?
(a) The movie's over, it's 2 o'clock
(b) The movie's over, it's 3 o'clock
(c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock
2. ''Rock Around The Clock'' was used in what movie?
(a) Rebel Without A Cause
(b) Blackboard Jungle
(c) The Wild Ones
3. What's missing from a Rock & Roll standpoint? Earth _____
(a) Angel
(b) Mother
(c) Worm
4. ''I found my thrill . . .'' where?
(a) Kansas City
(b) Heartbreak Hotel
(c) Blueberry Hill
5. ''Please turn on your magic beam, _____ _____ bring me a dream,'':
(a) Mr.. Sandman
(b) Earth Angel
(c) Dream Lover
6. For which label did Elvis Presley first record?
(a) Atlantic
(b) RCA
(c) Sun
7. He asked, ''Why's everybody always pickin' on me?'' Who was he?
(a) Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
(b) Charlie Brown
(c) Buster Brown
8. In Bo bby Darin's ''Mack The Knife,'' the one with the knife, was named:
(a) MacHeath
(b) MacCloud
(c) MacNamara
9. Name the song with ''A-wop bop a-loo bop a-lop bam boom.''
(a) Good Golly, Miss Molly
(b) Be-Bop-A-Lula
(c) Tutti Fruitti
10. Who is generally given credit for originating the term ''Rock And Roll''?
(a) Dick Clark
( b) Wolfman Jack
(c) Alan Freed
11. In 1957, he left the music business to become a preacher:
(a) Little Richard
(b) Frankie Lymon
(c) Tony Orlando
12. Paul Anka's ''Puppy Love'' is written to what star?
(a) Brenda Lee
(b) Connie Francis
(c) Ann ette Funicello
13. The Everly Brothers were . . ....
(a) Pete and Dick
(b) Don and Phil
(c) Bob and Bill
14. The Big Bopper's real name was:
(a) Jiles P. Richardson
(b) Roy Harold Scherer Jr.
(c) Marion Michael Morrison
15. In 1959, Berry Gordy, Jr.., started a small record company called....
(a) Decca
(b) Cameo
(c) Motown
16. Edd Brynes had a hit with ''Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb''. What TV show was he on?
(a) 77 Sunset Strip
(b) Hawaiian Eye
(c) Surfside Six
17. In 1960 Bobby Darin married:
(a) Carol Lynley
(b) Sandra Dee
(c) Natalie Wood
18.. They were a one hit wonder w ith ''Book Of Love'':
(a) The Penguins
(b) The Monotones
(c) The Moonglows
19.. The Everly Brothers sang a song called ''Till I ______ You.''
(a) Loved
(b) Kissed
(c) Met
20. Chuck Berry sang ''Oh, ___________, why can't you be true?''
(a) Suzie Q
(b) Peggy Sue
(c) Maybelline
21. ''Wooly _______''
(a) Mammouth
(b) Bully
(c) Pully
22. ''I'm like a one-eyed cat . . . .."
(a) can't go into town no more
(b) sleepin' on a cold hard floor
(c) peepin' in a seafood store
23. ''Sometimes I wonder what I'm gonna do . . . . ..''
(a) cause there ain't no answer for a life without booze
(b) cause there ain't no cure fo r the summertime blues
(c) cause my car's gassed up and I'm ready to cruise
24.. ''They often call me Speedo, but my real name is ... . . . .. .''
(a) Mr. Earl
(b) Jackie Pearl
(c) Milton Berle
25. ''Be Bop A Lula ....''
(a) she's got the rabies
(b) she's my baby
(c) she loves me, maybe
26. ''Fine Love, Fine Kissing ..''
(a) right here
(b) fifty cents
(c) just for you
27. ''He wore black denim trousers and . . ..''
(a) a pink carnation
(b) pink leotards
(c) motorcycle boots
2 8. ''I got a gal named . ... ..''
(a) Jenny Zamboni
(b) Gerri Mahoney
(c) Boney Maroney
Answers:
Scroll Down so you aren't tempted to cheat (as if cheating were needed here).
* * * * * * * * * * * *
1 (c) The movie's over, it's 4 o'clock
2. (b) Blackboard Jungle
3. (a) Angel
4. (c) Blueberry Hill
5. (a) Mr. Sandman
6.. (c) Sun
7. (b) Charlie Brown
8. (a) Mac Heath
9. (c) Tutti Fruitti
10. (c) Alan Freed
11. (a) Little Richard
12. (c) Annette Funicello
13. (b) Don and Phil
14. (a) Jiles P. Richardson
15. (c) Motown
16. (a) 77 Sunset Strip
17. (b) Sandra Dee
18. (b) The Monotones
19. (b) Kissed
20. (c) Maybelline
21. (b) Bully
22. (c) peepin' in a sea f ood store
23. (b) cause there ain't no cure for the summertime blues
24. (a) Mr. Earl
25. (b) she's my baby
26. (a) right here
27. (c) motorcycle boots
28. (c) Boney Maroney
Male Logic
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy
one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!
Men will get it the first time.
Experiment
The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it. The rat was in the middle of the cage. Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on side and kept a female rat on the other side. The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it. Then, the professor changed the cake and kept some bread. The male rat ran towards the bread. This experiment went... on with the professor changing the food every time. And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.
Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction. Then, one of the students from the back rows said:-
"Sir, why don't you change the female rat? She may be his wife!!
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts; "Ahoy, small craft; Where are you headed?"
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts; "We are invading the United States of America!"
The entire crew of the destroyer double over in laughter. When the Captain is finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks; "Just the four of you?"
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there."
Now it makes sense :
Gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day.
Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned." We've just been interpreting it wrong all these years
How the internet began :
A credible history lesson...Enjoy,
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of
Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband: "Why dost thou travel so far
from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever
leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags
short of a camel load, but simply said: "How, dear?"
And Dot replied: "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in
between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will
reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on
the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the
drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham
sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move
from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were
saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.
It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed
a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to the People (HTTP).
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete
himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham's
business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted - for
insider trading.
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy
horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical
Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the
deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were
going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who
bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on
drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and
drumsticks.
And Dot did say: "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over
by others."
And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to
be known. He said: "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied: "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it
YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated
Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things
around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything
(GOOGLE)
And that is how it all began. (And you thought it was Al Gore, right?)
Chris Rock on Obama is whiter than Romney
http://conservativevideos.com/2012/11/chris-rock-obama-is-whiter-than-romney/
Ole was turning 78 and was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
The doctor said, "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."
When Ole returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
Ole nodded... "I'll tell you though, by God, I thought I wuz gonna drop dead on dat 3rd day."
"From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"Hell no, it wuz from all dat damn skippin!"
TOO funny not to repeat :
http://www.toilette-humor.com/funny_adult_humor/one_last_kiss.shtml
SODA
Appears the market likes the earnings
Thank you
Keep an eye on CALL--bounce time??
Keep an eye on CALL--bounce time??
DDD moving up last 2 days--earnings 10/26
DDD moving up last 2 days--earnings 10/26
DDD so sweet
DDD strong again today
DDD ready to pop into earning on 10/26