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How steady is your hand?
Borrowed from RIGATONI at Rigs' " Platinum Penny Picks" #board-4818 #msg-10120982
How steady is your hand?
Put the sound up...
http://www.winterrowd.com/maze.swf
have a great day.
~Rig
OT: Rig,
How steady is your hand?
A lot less steady now, thank you. LOL
Like art?
Here's a web site to check out.
http://www.ericgrohemurals.com/
Eric Grohe is phenomenal. Click on "projects".
Example: before
after
Awesome mural!
Singapore lifts 12-year chewing gum ban
Last Updated Thu, 27 May 2004 7:05:15
SINGAPORE - Singapore chewing gum enthusiasts rejoiced on Wednesday after the city state lifted draconian laws prohibiting gum consumption and allowed controlled sales for medical purposes.
The laws were brought in 12 years ago to fight litter.
* FROM MARCH 15, 2004: Singapore to relax ban on chewing gum
But while the law has been relaxed, gum chewing is still tightly controlled in the affluent enclave.
Those wanting to indulge the decadent habit will have to give their names and produce identification. And gum will continue to be available only at pharmacies.
Pharmacists selling to customers without identification could be jailed for up to two years and fined nearly $3,000 US.
"It's ridiculous that it's easier for 16-year-olds to visit prostitutes than it is to get chewing gum here," a student told the Associated Press.
The relaxation came in response to U.S. pressure in free trade talks.
About 19 medicinal and dental gum products including Nicorettes and Wrigley's will become available to those with proper documentation.
Written by CBC News Online staff
http://www.cbc.ca/stories/2004/05/26/world/gum040526
Strange, eh?
Litter is still a no-no.
The Husband Store....
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor,
or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: .
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework,
and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
A New Wives store opened across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
PERFECT SCORE
Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, a gynecologist decided to change careers and become a mechanic. He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."
As President Bush gets off the helicopter in front of the White House, he is carrying a baby pig under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir." The President replies: "These are not pigs, these are authenticTexan Razorback Hogs.
I got one for Senator Ted Kennedy, and I got one for Senator John Kerry."
The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Nice trade, sir."
LMAO!!!
A long time ago
A million years BC
The best things in life
Were absolutely free.
But no one appreciated
A sky that was always blue.
And no one congratulated
A moon that was always new.
So it was planned that they would vanish now and them
And you must pay before you get them back again.
That's what storms were made for
And you shouldn't be afraid for
Every time it rains it rains
Pennies from heaven.
Don't you know each cloud contains
Pennies from heaven.
You'll find yor fortune falling
All over town.
Be sure that your umbrella is upside down.
Trade them for a package of sunshine and flowers.
If you want the things you love
You must have showers.
So when you hear it thunder
Don't run under a tree.
There'll be pennies from heaven for you and me
Bing Crosby
My wife left me... And I don't understand.
After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut
back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer.
I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.
Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she
came home from grocery shopping, the receipt included
$45 for makeup.
I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't
given up anything!"
She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."
I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"
I don't think she'll be back.
That's an odd way to try to make 10 grand. LOL
So far, $562 in 7 months. Seems a bit less than minimum wage, but I may have to send a couple anyway.
I always liked him as an actor.
Story goes that the "Chester" stiff leg was Weaver's idea, too, to make the character immediately memorable.
8:37:15 EST WAG for 9.9 mil
linedrivehitter,
Here's a couple other links to try:
http://myjokemail.com/content/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?cid=4&lid=234
I think this is a WAV file.
or
http://www.snopes.com/autos/audio/jackbox.mp3
obviously mp3 file.
It is great.
COAST to COAST AM with George Noory had the motorist on the air about a year ago...the guy who ran the light. He claims that he had his brakes worked on recently and experienced total brake failure. Obviously faulty repair.
The guy called right after Noory played the voicemail.
Glad you're back.
Don't like to see my person-marked list dwindle.
Am in TRDY and appreciate your DD.
Also picked up a little GWNI.
Apparently, a few feathers were ruffled?? Consider it a weekend off work.
Now, GOOOOO Trudy!
terryt,
Try this link:
http://maranathalife.com/teach-ot/jesus-ot.htm
LOL
good one!
I've no details, but FWIW:
Raw got booted.
http://207.90.219.90/boards/profile.asp?User=25583
edit: May possibly be back?
http://207.90.219.90/boards/read_msg.asp?message_id=9887469
Bobbitt Family Update
In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with .
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A Misdewiener!
Been staring for a long time and still no boat
LOL
They walk among us !!!!!!
IDIOTS . . . . . .
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a
new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: " Too many deer
were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore. This
one was from Kingman, KS.
________________________________________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. And he was a Kansas City chef!
_______________________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without
your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know? He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened
in Birmingham, Ala.
________________________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine
when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it
signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What
on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in
Wichita, KS
_______________________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was
leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully,
"This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken We all
just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a
bunch at Texas Instruments.
_______________________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back
into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would
not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.
________________________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I
already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,
Mississippi!
________________________________________________________________
* They walk among us ... AND REPRODUCE!!!
(borrowed from BOREALIS at Excel's coffee shop #msg-9865011)
One of our corporate "suits" was passing through southern South Dakota and spotted that car in Mitchell. He emailed it to me to make me feel better for having nailed 2 deer in 9 days last October using 2 different vehicles. One was an 8 to 10 pointer, a magnificent looking creature for the half second my headlights illuminated him before impact. A week later, a tire-screeching, skid-marking near miss with my 'Vette almost exceeded my sphincter factor!
Part II of:
Hunny, can you pick up dinner on the way home.....
or
Oh Deer
And then the carts are left right there even though there's a cart corral 15 feet away.
OK, so why is it clerks always look at me in a strange way when I ask if I can write the cheque for $30 over the amount to cover the bad cheque charge???
Except the clerk at a local farm and fleet store who said yes and then asked, "Now do I keep the 30 or do you get it?"
South Dakota passes abortion ban
SIOUX FALLS, South Dakota (Reuters) - South Dakota became the first U.S. state to pass a law banning abortion in virtually all cases, with the intention of forcing the Supreme Court to reconsider its 1973 decision legalizing the procedure.
The law, which would punish doctors who perform the operation with a five-year prison term and a $5,000 fine, awaits the signature of Republican Gov. Michael Rounds and people on both sides of the issue say he is unlikely to veto it.
"My understanding is we are the first state to truly defy Roe v. Wade," the 1973 high court ruling that granted a constitutional right to abortion, said Kate Looby of Planned Parenthood's South Dakota chapter.
State legislatures in Ohio, Indiana, Georgia, Tennessee and Kentucky also have introduced similar measures this year, but South Dakota's legislative calendar means its law is likely to be enacted first.
"We hope (Rounds) recognizes this for what it is: a political tool and not about the health and safety of the women of South Dakota," Looby said.
"If he chooses to sign it, we will be filing a lawsuit in short order to block it," she said after attending the afternoon debate at the state capital in Pierre.
Proponents have said the law was designed for just such a court challenge.
The timing is right, supporters say, given the recent appointments of Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Samuel Alito to the high court. The two conservatives could pave the way to a decision overturning Roe v. Wade.
The high court said on Tuesday it will rule on whether the federal government can ban some abortion procedures, a case that could reveal whether the court reshaped by President George W. Bush will restrict abortion rights.
In 1992, the Supreme Court reaffirmed the right to abortion in Planned Parenthood v. Casey, the last direct challenge to Roe v. Wade.
The South Dakota law concludes that life begins at conception based on medical advances over the past three decades.
Proposed amendments to the law to create exceptions to specifically protect the health of the mother, or in cases of rape or incest, were voted down. Also defeated was an amendment to put the proposal in the hands of voters.
The bill as written does make an exception if the fetus dies during a doctor's attempt to save the mother's life.
Planned Parenthood operates the sole clinic in South Dakota where roughly 800 abortions are performed each year by doctors from neighboring Minnesota, Looby said.
Two years ago, Rounds vetoed a similar bill, saying it would wipe out existing restrictions on abortion while it was fought in the courts. A rewritten bill lost narrowly in the state Senate.
Some legislators opposed to abortion rights questioned whether it was premature to challenge Roe v. Wade, and said litigation would prove expensive for the sparsely populated state. An anonymous donor has offered $1 million to the state to defray the costs of litigation.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060223/pl_nm/rights_abortion_dc
Saw the sax first.
Not enough beers??????
Try the eye chart
Reminds me of a similar joke during the Lenten season.
"It's lent???? To whom and for how long?"
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
Here it is nicely illustrated:
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready
for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . .February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a
Knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their......
''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.
"What?'' says Roger, startled.
''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so......'' (She breaks down, sobbing.)
''What?'' says Roger.
''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''
''There's no horse?'' says Roger.
''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.
''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
''Yes,'' he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.
''What way?'' says Roger.
"That way about time,'' says Elaine.
''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.
''Thank you,'' says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''
Well, when a bull calf is transformed into a steer calf, some disassembly is required. When properly fried, they are rather tasty. I bet Phil even has a recipe.
Rocky Mountain Oysters, Prairie Oysters, Mountain Tendergroins, Cowboy Caviar, Swinging Beef, Calf Fries.
Y'all must be a city boy.
Well heck, if you're buying, I got time for a little Jack Daniels. Is this here place ever going to have a Rocky Mountain oyster feed? That would make it feel more like home.
There was a Midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegian guys and a team of two Irish guys.
So the boss met with both teams and said: "here's what we'll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job."
Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed.
They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve. Forty-five minutes later, Ole and Sven, the Norwegian guys came back in and they were totally exhausted. The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?"
Ole, the team leader, wiped his brow and sighed, "Sven and me, we got three in."
The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!"
"Yeah," said Ole, "but you should see how much they left stickin' out of the ground."
"Just added an iHUB board to My Yahoo and works great--
HOWEVER, I notice the box that contains the iHUB posts has no title. (Or is the correct word header?) All of the other My Yahoo modules have titles at their top."
I did the same thing and had the same result last evening. Upon firing up ye ol' laptop this morning, there appeared a header on the module. Don't know if it was rebooting that did it or an IT elf visited overnight.
Quail hunt game:
http://dickcheneyquailhunt.cf.huffingtonpost.com/
(borrowed from teepeebubbles #msg-9761463)
Red Skelton was the consummate entertainer.
Many years ago, he appeared at a local venue. He drove the manager of the place nuts. There was to be two shows that night. At the first show, the audience just loved him. At the curtain call, Mr Skelton didn't just bow, no, he started up again for another 45 minutes. Needless to say, the second show started way late, much to the chagrin of the manager and those waiting to get in. At the second show's curtain call, he fired up again and went on and on again, of course delighting those in attendance. Mr Skelton surely loved to entertain.
He could be serious, though. Have you ever heard his recitation of the pledge of allegiance?
The following words were spoken by the late Red Skelton on his television program as he related the story of his teacher, Mr. Laswell, who felt his students had come to think of the Pledge of Allegiance as merely something to recite in class each day.
Now, more than ever, listen to the meaning of these words.
"I've been listening to you boys and girls recite the Pledge of Allegiance all semester
and it seems as though it is becoming monotonous to you.
If I may, may I recite it and try to explain to you the meaning of each word?"
I
me, an individual, a committee of one.
Pledge
dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self pity.
Allegiance
my love and my devotion.
To the flag
our standard, Old Glory, a symbol of freedom. Wherever
she waves, there's respect because your loyalty has given
her a dignity that shouts freedom is everybody's job!
United
that means that we have all come together.
States
individual communities that have united into 48 great states.
Forty-eight individual communities with pride and dignity and
purpose; all divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to
a common purpose, and that's love for country.
And to the republic
a state in which sovereign power is
invested in representatives chosen by the
people to govern. And government is the people
and it's from the people to the leaders, not from
the leaders to the people.
For which it stands, one nation
one nation, meaning "so
blessed by God"
Indivisible
incapable of being divided.
With liberty
which is freedom -- the right of power to live one's
own life without threats, fear or some sort of
retaliation.
And Justice
the principle or quality of dealing fairly with others.
For all
which means, boys and girls, it's as much your
country as it is mine.
***~~**~~***
Since I was a small boy, two states have been added to our country
and two words have been added to the pledge of Allegiance...
UNDER GOD
Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said
that is a prayer
and that would be eliminated from schools too?
God Bless America!"
http://www.poofcat.com/july.html
Speaking of hunting:
not politically correct, but politicians are such easy targets
Good question.
One possible is:
http://www.skypoint.com/members/schutz19/durante.htm
"GOOD NIGHT, Mrs. Calabash--wherever you are!"
For years, Jimmy Durante ended his radio and television shows with that unusual sign-off. Most people thought the mysterious Mrs. Calabash must have been some fictional character that Durante dreamed up just to tease his audiences. But longtime residents of Calabash, North Carolina believe otherwise. The folks in this town will tell you she was a real person with a real name--and a fascinating story to boot. They claim that Mrs. Calabash was really a local woman named Lucille "Lucy" Coleman.
In 1940, Lucy was 28 years old and running a restaurant in Calabash, then a tiny seaside community bordering South Carolina. Durante and his touring entertainment troupe are said to have stopped in for supper one night. It may have been the genuine homespun friendliness of the young restaurant owner that prompted the gregarious Jimmy Durante to beckon Lucy over to his table for some short chitchat. "I'm going to make you famous," vowed Durante, thinking she recognized his well-known face. (In fact, at that moment, she didn't even know who he was!) Lucy's daughter, Clarice Holden, says she will never forget what happened next.
SECRET SIGN OFF
"As Mr. Durante and his group were walking out the door after their meal," Clarice recalls,"he turned to my mom and said, 'Good night Mrs. Calabash.' "
It wasn't long afterward that this popular entertainer began signing off his radio shows with a similar message. For years, audiences enjoyed this rather lighthearted farewell mystery. By the time of Durante's death in 1980, it had become one of his trademarks, almost as recognizable as his big "schnozzola". But while that sign-off may have remained a mystery to most folks, Calabash residents believe it was Durante's way of saying to Mrs. Coleman, "Hi, Lucy--I remember you, if you're still out there now."
Lucy Coleman passed away in 1989, nearly 50 years after her meeting with Jimmy Durante. Calabash residents note that Lucy recognized the significance of Durante's little secret message but preferred to stay out of the limelight. She had no desire to claim credit as the real "Mrs. Calabash." "Mom was a very private person," recalls Clarice, "She didn't speak much about her 'Mrs. Calabash' entity, and declined all interviews and all invitations to appear on television."
Apparently, Durante's popularity was so great that he could immortalize a prim Southern restaurant keeper. But neither he nor anyone else could get her to talk.
kinda sweet, ain't it?
Missed only one...Red Skelton's character.
Gertrude and Heathcliff I remembered, but not Freddie.