Claim: Principal Jody McLoud of Roane County High School in Kingston, Tennessee, delivered a controversial speech before a school football game.

Status: True.

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/prayer.htm


Origins: Borrowing heavily from the Reverend Joe Wright, Principal Jody McLoud delivered this speech before a Roane County High School football game on 1 September 2000. Mr. McLoud, who has been principal of the 740-student school for eleven years, was protesting the prohibition against leading prayers "on school property, at school-sponsored events, over the school’s public address system, by a speaker representing the student body, under the supervision of school faculty," which was brought about when the United States Supreme Court upheld the ruling in Santa Fe Independent School District v. Doe that such activity violated the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment. Principal McLoud's speech was also read into the Congressional Record on 20 September 2000 by Representative Zach Wamp of Tennessee.

BUBBA IN LOVE

A professor at the University of West Virginia was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hands.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands.

"Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

When Bubba reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Shiiiiit!!! From way back thar I thought you said, "Goats"!!

TALK ABOUT LUCK!

A census taker in rural West Texas went up to a farmhouse and knocked.

A woman came to the door, and he proceeded to ask her how many children she had, and their ages.

She said, "Well, lez' juz' see now, there's the twins Sally and Billy, they're thirty-two, the twins Seth and Beth, they're twenty-six, and the twins Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four ... "

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?"

The woman answered, " Why heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin!"

apparently the MM's are holding some shares.

Well it would be nice if they'd send some my way so Etrade can finish filling my little order that has been there for a month. I get a thousand shares here, a couple thousand shares there a couple days later. Identical order at Scottrade at the same time was filled the day of the order. Never thought it would be so much different betwix brokers.

OT Anyone have any experience with Zecco? #msg-16768830
You can make up to 10 trades in any one day up to a total of 40 trades a month at no cost, and after that you only have to pay a paltry $3.50 per stock trade.

I wasn't raised in an age of political correctness. Probably too old to learn it now. Or would that be life span challenged knowledge acquisition? Aw chit, old is easier to spell.

As for the cold, I can always put on more clothes and besides, spring is close.




RAMBLINGS OF A RETIRED MIND

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage-door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it'.

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

Wah, wah

been in the teens a few nights. I feel for ya. LOL

I'm in the northern plains. My morning started at -11 actual. Yesterday morning was -19. Weekend had been cooler still. Heatwave today got us to 8 above. Feel sorry for me yet? Or am I doing a good enough job feeling sorry for me?



Four retired guys are walking down a street in Chicago, when they see a sign that says: OLD TIMERS BAR. ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS. They go in.

The old bartender says, "Come on in and let me pour one for you. What'll it be, gentlemen?"

There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the 4 men each asked for a martini.

The bartender serves up 4 iced martinis and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please."

Their curiosity is more than they can stand. They ask the bartender, "How can you afford to serve martinis for a dime a piece?"

The bartender began, "Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25-million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime — wine, liquor, beer, all the same."

The three couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. They ask the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're seniors from Florida. They're waiting for happy hour."

A VOICE FROM THE BACK PEW

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before
the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they
passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his
paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There
was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional
children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd,
"Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on
the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said,
"Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear
rubbers."

And the congregation said, "Amen"








(My mother sent me that one! Bet she sent it to her Pastor as well.)

From what I understand, India has become a mecca for IT, some very proficient programmers and analysts there.

NFL is rather classy giving the apparel to those who can make good use of it rather than destroying it. Thought for sure we'd get to wear Da Bears gear ourselves, though.

The following is stolen from Jagfan at SI http://207.90.219.91/readmsg.aspx?msgid=23250747


In honor of the Chicago Bears going to Super Bowl 41. Here are 41 things that have changed from the last time the Chicago Bears played in the Super Bowl (which was Super Bowl 20 in 1986):

01. Brian Urlacher was in 2nd grade. Rex Grossman was in kindergarten.

02. Peyton Manning was 10 years old. Eli Manning was 5 years old. Their dad, Archie, had just retired from the NFL two years earlier.

03. Lovie Smith was in his first college coaching job at Universityof Tulsa.

04. Ronald Reagan was the President, and Harold Washington was the Mayor.

05. James R. Thompson was the Governor running for reelection and his office was in the new State of Illinois Center, which is now called the James R.Thompson Center.

06. George W. Bush was 39 years old and still drinking. His father would run for President two years later.

07. Rod Blagojevich was just out of law school and was a low-level prosecutor working for the Cook County State's Attorney, Richard M. Daley.

08. Barack Obama had just moved to Illinois, and Osama bin Laden was fighting the Soviets in Afghanistan.

09. Red Grange and Sid Luckman were still alive.

10. The Colts had just moved to Indianapolis from Baltimore and were the doormat of the AFC EAST. The Bears were the champions of the NFC CENTRAL.

11. Property in WickerParkand Bucktown was cheap because they were really bad neighborhoods.

12. CD players, cellular phones and fax machines were expensive, cutting edge technology and only a few people used them.

13. "Surfing the net" meant a volleyball game at the beach, and virtually no one used the "@" key on their TYPEWRITER.

14. Sam Walton was still alive and was wealthier than Bill Gates. Windows were panes of glass... not a computer operating system that was a pain in something that rhymes with glass.

15. The Soviet Union was our main enemy, and Saddam Hussein was our ally.

16. There were no lights at Wrigley Field, and the oldest park in baseball belonged to the White Sox.

17. Michael Jordan and Ozzie Guillen had just finished their "Rookie of the Year" seasons. Jordan's coach was Stan Albeck and Guillen's manager was Tony LaRussa. (Three out of four of those guys are now wearing championship rings, but what ever happened to Stan Albeck???)

18. Soldier Field had AstroTurf-- The Houston Oilers played in the AstroDome.

19. The Fox TV Network didn't exist, and ESPN had yet to air a single live pro football, baseball, or basketball game.

20. MTV played music and so did some AM radio stations.

21. Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff weren't born yet; Jackie Gleason and Richard Nixon were still alive.

22. Hillary Clinton had dark hair and was the First Lady... of Arkansas!

23. "The Love Boat" and "Diff'rent Strokes" were still on network TV every week.

24. Martin Luther King Day was about to be celebrated as a National Holiday for the first time.

25. "9-11" was a phone number many cities were just adopting for emergency calls - not a date of terror.

26. I-88 was called "Illinois Rt. 5" and I-355 hadn't been built yet.

27. What the CTA now calls "The Blue Line" had just been extended to O'Hare, and the Orange Line to Midway hadn't been built yet.

28. Q101 played adult contemporary music and most teenagers listened to WLS.

29. Music from the 70s and 80s wasn't "retro" yet.

30. Tiger Woods hadn't won an amateur golf tournament yet.

31. Most people knew Seattle just as a city in the Northwest U.S.- not the home of grunge or Starbucks.

32. Only Southerners went to NASCAR races and only Northerners went to NHL games.

33. The Chicago area had no Wal-Marts, Targets or Home Depots, and Walgreens was only in the Midwest.

34. Depending on your bank, your ATM card was good at only "Cash Station" machines or only at "Money Network" machines, but there were no fees.

35. "The Phone Company" was Illinois Bell.

36. They still sold leaded gasoline and you couldn't pay for your gas at the pump.

37. Discover Card hadn't been discovered yet, and Miller Genuine Draft hadn't been brewed yet.

38. Stereo TVs were the rage that HDTVs are now. 8-track tapes were still being made.

39. All of the Blockbuster Video stores that are now closing hadn't opened yet. Betamax was still competing with VHS.

40. You paid cash for your groceries and fast food, and you used a travel agent to book airline flights.

41. There were no iPods - just Sony Walkmen - so if you said something about a "shuffle" on your Walkman, they assumed you were listening to "The Super Bowl Shuffle!"

I'd received that joke a couple times via email. The stereotype has been stand-up comic fodder for years. I didn't see it as any more racial than an NBA-African-American joke. As it was submitted as a joke, I took it at face value. Whether I chuckle or not is up to me.

FWIW: some of the best tech/customer support I've ever received has come from the stereotypical, heavily accented English speaking personnel. The last one even wished me a, not "Happy Holidays", but a "Merry Christmas." That beat my local Post Office. LOL




Follow your dreams, except for that one
where you're naked at work. ~ anonymous

How Much Dirt?
=============

A test of mathematical skills.

Calculate the amount of dirt in the following size hole in cubic
feet or cubic yards:

6 ft long x 3 ft wide x 18 inches deep

Don't use pencil or paper; calculate it in your head.
This tests raw calculating ability.



Scroll down for the answer...





































0...zero








There is no dirt in a hole.





http://www.mountainwings.com/past/3171.htm



Prepare to Fly - Let MountainWings.com help lift YOU over the Mountains of Life




Some people will go to a hardware store to buy a half inch drill bit because they want a half inch drill bit. I will go to a hardware store to buy a half inch drill bit not because I want a half inch drill bit, but because I want a half inch hole.

A Few Inches Deep
============

An American tourist was visiting a small village in Ireland
when there was a sudden gust of wind which blew his hat off
into the middle of a nearby pond.

Walking over to the village idiot who was sitting beside
the pond, the tourist asked, "Say, son, how deep is this pond?"

"Oh, only a few inches," replied the idiot.

After taking his shoes off and rolling his trousers up over
his knees, the tourist stepped into the pond to retrieve his
hat, and within a few seconds was completely submerged in
the water. Swimming out to the middle of the pond, he finally
reached his hat and then struggled back to edge.

Climbing out, he turned to the village idiot and screamed,
"Hey you, I thought you said that pond was only a few inches
deep!"

"Well," shrugged the idiot, "the water only comes half way
up that duck over there."



http://www.mountainwings.com/past/7031.htm




Prepare to Fly - Let MountainWings.com help lift YOU over the Mountains of Life

Classic, smokintek!

test



Eureka, it worked

Thanks to ImageShack for Free Image Hosting

"New Jersey is like a beer barrel, tapped at both ends, with all the live beer running into Philadelphia and New York." -- Ben Franklin


Why are New Yorkers so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey!

Aging:

Two men were driving through New Jersey when they got pulled over by a NJ cop. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick.

The driver rolled down the window and WHACK," the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.

"You're in New Jersey, son," the cop answered. "When we pull you over in New Jersey, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."

"I'm sorry, officer, " the driver said, "I'm from New York and didn't know your laws here."

The cop runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives the guy his license back.

The cop then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK," the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

"What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands.

"Just making your wish come true," replied the cop.

"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.

"Because I know you New Yorkers," the cop says, "two miles down the road; you're gonna turn to your buddy and say....." I wish that assh*le would've tried that sh*t with me!"



( stolen from SI's Patrick Slevin http://207.90.219.91/readmsg.aspx?msgid=23226413 )

MATILDA

Matilda lived in a tiny village on the Irish coast. She was 98, still a virgin, and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she died, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements.

As a last wish, Matilda informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "MATILDA STONE. BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Several days passed and Matilda died peacefully in her sleep.

A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk carved the tombstone that Matilda had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.

He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.

For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

Matilda’s tombstone was finally completed, duly engraved. It read: "MATILDA STONE, RETURNED UNOPENED“

For the first time, according to Census results, more women, 51 percent, are living without a spouse than with one.



http://www.cagle.com/working/070117/kelley.gif

And, watch your speed in TX

Related to "Cops Hide Here"

Good one.

The Dr Phil one occupied my outbound email program for a while, too.

Irish Alzheimer


Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn come to church every Sunday I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. so, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' you decided you would rather do without your hat than Burn in Hell, right ?"

Murphy shook his head and said, "No, Father, after you talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."

Way cool.

I still recall the earlier days with the "hemi under glass" and the "Little Red Wagon" wheelstanders, the front engined dragsters, bleach burnouts, and Arfons' "Green Monster".


Night drags are the best to watch imo.

PRAYER FOR THE STRESSED

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work.
12% on Monday,
23% on Tuesday,
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday,
5% on Fridays

Help me to remember.....When I'm having a really bad day and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.

I knew some of that.

I got a mess o' kinfolk livin' down yonder and they delighted in deciphering when they'd fetch on up my way and sit a spell jawin'. Last I was down yonder and stopped at a filling station, the clerk asked what I was smiling about. I said, "I love your accent down here." The clerk said, "Son,...down here, we ain't the ones with the accent!"

That reads like any of my attempts at multi-tasking.

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me,
"If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" -- Steven Wright

Husband: Oh, come on.
Wife: Leave me alone!

Husband: It won't take long.
Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.

Husband: I can't sleep without it.
Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?

Husband: Because I'm Hot.
Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.

Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate.

Husband: You don't love me anymore.
Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Husband: Please...come on
Wife: All right, I'll do it.

Husband: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Wife: I can't find it.

Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Wife: There! Are you satisfied?

Husband: Oh, yes.
Wife: Is it up far enough?
Husband: Oh, that's good.

Wife: Now go to sleep and from now on when you want the window open, do it yourself!

Ain't that the truth? LOL

On a related note:

Clever news reporter

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

The husband says, "I rule the roost."
The wife says, "Yes, but I rule the rooster!"

Who Should Get Custody?



A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...

"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"









grub 6666

Have you ever seen the Maria Bartiromo Stock Market Hairdex?

Every market junkie knows Maria Bartiromo. But, how many of us know that Maria's hair can serve as a guide to the market.

http://www.kaleberg.com/maria/maria.html

Happy New Year to all

I'm guessing he's now trying to perfect the flame throwing after the shot. That was kinda cool...er, I mean neat.





New Year's Eve.......amateur drunk night.

here is the link:

Indeed, your siggy quote is direct and to the point.

He also has a good New Year's Day quote:

"Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever."
- Mark Twain

"Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account."
- Oscar Wilde


"But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits."
- Andre Gide


And, I resemble a couple of the resolutions in your post.

Dog logic

NEW YEARS SUPERSTITIONS

New Year is a time of beginning and thus something which, according to lore, needs to be influenced favourably to ensure a good outcome.


Its bad luck to let a fire go out on New Year's Eve.

You could ensure yourself good fortune by draining the last dregs from a bottle of drink on New Years!

To dance in the open air, especially round a tree, on New Year's Day is declared to ensure luck in love and prosperity and freedom from ill health during the coming twelve months.

On New Year's Day if, on rising, a girl should look out of her bedroom window and see a man passing by, she may reckon to be married before the year is finished.

Avoid crying on the first day of the year lest that activity set the tone for the next twelve months

Just as the clock strikes twelve the head of the house should open the door in order to allow the Old Year to pass out and the New Year to come in. The first person to enter your home after the stroke of midnight will influence the year you're about to have. This tradition is called First Footing. Ideally, he should be dark-haired, tall, and good-looking, and it would be even better if he came bearing certain small gifts such as a lump of coal, a silver coin, a bit of bread, a sprig of evergreen, and some salt.

The eating of black-eyed peas on New Year's Day will attract both general good luck and money in particular.

Do not do the laundry on New Year's Day, lest a member of the family be 'washed away' (die) in the upcoming months.

Wear something new on January 1 to increase the likelihood of your receiving more new garments during the year to follow.

Make as much noise as possible at midnight. You're not just celebrating; you're scaring away evil spirits. (Church bells are rung on a couple's wedding day for the same reason.)

Babies born on this day will always have luck on their side.