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Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
He had a photographic memory that never developed.
A short fortune-teller has escaped from prison; be on the lookout for a small medium at large.
Sarals, agreed, but changes are being made, albeit slowly--as we have discussed, it is still a male-dominated society. AK
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
-- Anon
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
-- Anon
Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
-- Anon
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
-- Anon
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
-- Anon
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together. -- Anon
It's Great to be a Man
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't care if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky looking.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He's mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife or your teeth.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December
24th, in 45 minutes.
Importance of correct e-mail addresses:
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to
thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they
had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that
the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would
follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked
into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an
e-mail back in Minneapolis.
However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent
the e-mail without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just
returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who
had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow
checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Support her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Listen to her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Romance her,
Believe in her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked.
Bring food.
I admit defeat.
NW, you a runner? <g>
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
AK
Edit: deleted
NW, the History Channel link you provided gives an audio clip of the speech. The quote occurs just after 15:00 minutes into the speech. He does say "Nixon" (only).
Now, who else can we mis-quote? <g>
AK
Why aren't they as apt to be right as the Nixon library?
The Nixon library is THE Nixon library, not just A Nixon library <g>.
For general information: www.nixonlibrary.org
For reference questions: archives@nixonlibrary.org
The Assistant Archivist is Beverly Lindy.
If you have different quotes, why not bundle them up, and submit them to each of the libraries, and see how they resolve it? <g> Let's just hope they don't trust to "memory" as we do!
AK
p.s. I just checked the MIT link you gave. That is merely an article by Hoyt Bleakley. He could easily have mis-typed or mis-remembered the quote he used. I did not check your other sites, but having an archivist check a quote, especially when that library has the original documents, or copies of them, gives it a lot more credibility for me.
The truth be known, between NW, LG and me, I remembered it as "won't", not "don't", and as "Nixon", but I don't trust my memory enough to post when there is Google around <g>.
I recollect there is a side effect in the "patch" form, so you have to be careful where the patch is placed, e.g. don't put the patch on your arm if you are going to an auction, or to a class where you don't know the answer if called upon. OTOH, I think there are some "off-label" uses, best not discussed for legal reasons.
<g>
AK
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?!
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
--OR--Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.
Hi Sarals, nice quote.
Here and there you and I have had discussions on sexism. I received an e-mail today with a number of questions (and answers), and I'm going to post them, a la Alexed, one at a time, to get the "big" effect, and of course to give Bob Z. more page views.
I will not pretend the Q & A are in good taste, but given the stuff women have had to put up with, well, I guess the guys here can handle it <g>. So, let the games begin! See next post...
AK
LG, I have a stock tip I've posted on other boards, but not on The Old Timers Club thread, which is probably the best place for it.
As you know by my posts, I don't spam, and I'm not generally inclined to pass on financial advice, but I heard from a drug rep for Glaxo that they are on the verge of launching a new herbal remedy that they think will take the market by storm.
The drug sounds so promising that I want to suggest you consider buying stock in the company.
The drug is called "Gingko Viagra". Its function is to help you remember what the f*ck you are doing.
AK
p.s. If I can get samples, any Old Timers want to try it?
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
-- Anon
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
-- Anon
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
-- Anon
Re Nixon Quote: The DEFINITIVE answer!
NW and LG, I sent the Richard Nixon Library the following message:
Dear Mrs. Lindy,
Following is an extract re Richard Nixon (emphasis added):
Richard Milhous Nixon [this article originally appeared in the Encyclopedia of American Political Parties]
... Nixon ran for governor of California in 1962, but he had never been a locally active politician and his years in Washington had made him out of touch with the situation in California. He lost soundly to incumbent Pat Brown. In a press conference shortly after the results were announced, Nixon berated the media for giving him a hard time since the Hiss case, urged greater fairness in political coverage, and claimed that this would be his last press conference. "You don't have Nixon to kick around anymore," he said. He took a job as a Wall Street lawyer, but soon tired of private life and took to the campaign trail in 1966, stumping successfully for Republican congressional candidates and bringing himself once again into the heart of Republican party affairs. ...
I am seeking an authoritative answer as to the bolded words. Is that the precise quote, or did he say “Richard Nixon” or “Dick Nixon”?
Your assistance is appreciated.
Cordially,
xxxx
==================
The Library's response is as follows:
The line you cite reads in the original: "You won't have Nixon to kick around any more ..."
As you can see, "don't" should be replaced by "won't" and there should also be a space between "any" and "more."
From: Susan Naulty
SFD. Related news.
US hog prices not to repeat 1998 collpase - USDA
September 03, 2002 1:05:00 PM ET
WASHINGTON, Sept 3 (Reuters) - Despite plummeting prices in U.S. livestock markets, the hog industry will not see a repeat of 1998 when overabundant supplies drove prices to a 50-year low of around $10 per hundred pounds, a U.S. Agriculture Department official said on Tuesday.
USDA's Chief Economist Keith Collins said producers last week killed two million hogs for the first time this year, pressuring prices to fall to around $20 per hundred pounds.
"Whenever we get up to killing two million head a week. that puts a lot of downward pressure on prices," Collins told reporters. "However, the department has not been expecting a collapse in hog prices the way we saw in 1998."
Collins said the USDA was still forecasting hog prices for farmers in the 2002 fourth quarter would average "up in the high $20 range."
A prolonged drought in the U.S. Plains has parched crops and forced many ranchers to take their livestock to slaughter earlier than planned. Producers have watched losses pile up as an abundance of beef, pork and chicken clog U.S. markets.
At the end of July, stocks of frozen pork in U.S. warehouses totaled 473.9 million pounds, well above the 339.5 million lbs in cold storage a year earlier, USDA said.
On Tuesday, Chicago Mercantile Exchange lean hog futures were sharply lower in early trading. CME hogs for October delivery were off 0.925 cent at 29.950 cents per pound.
Collins said the department was closely monitoring the livestock markets.
Last week, Gov. Tom Vilsack of Iowa, one of the largest hog producing states, advised producers to sell hogs now rather than create an avalanche this fall that could bury prices.
Last month, Smithfield Foods Inc. (SFD), the nation's biggest hog producer, reported a nearly 80 percent drop in quarterly profits due to low hog prices
Zacks Issues Recommendations on 4 Stocks: IRF, SCHL, GTW and TSN
September 03, 2002 06:00:00 AM ET
CHICAGO, Sept. 3 /PRNewswire/ -- Zacks.com releases details on a group of stocks that are part of their exclusive list of Stocks to Sell Now. These stocks are currently rated as a Zacks Rank #5 (Strong Sell). These stocks have been proven to under-perform the S&P 500 by 89.8% since its inception in 1980. While the rest of Wall Street continued to tout stocks during the market declines of the last few years, we were telling our customers which stocks to sell in order to save themselves the misery of unrelenting losses. Among the #5 ranked stocks today we highlight the following companies: International Rectifier Corporation's IRF and Scholastic Corporation SCHL. Further they announced #4 Rankings (Sell) on two other widely held stocks: Gateway, Inc. GTW and Tyson Foods, Inc. TSN. To see the full Zacks #5 Ranked list of Stocks to Sell Now then visit: http://stockstosellpr.zacks.com .
(Photo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20010924/CGM015LOGO )
Here is a synopsis of why these stocks have a Zacks Rank of 5 (Strong Sell) and should most likely be sold or avoided for the next 1 to 3 months. Note that a #5/Strong Sell rating is applied to 5% of all the stocks we rank:
International Rectifier Corporation IRF is a specialty semiconductor firm that seemed immune to the ills of the industry, but even they too have recently succumbed to the weakness in technology spending. As such, earnings estimates continue to move lower, after they reduced their 2003 revenue guidance. The company operates within an industry that got pounded from the economic downturn, and its recovery is now expected to come slower than previously thought. Over the past three months, IRF has watched its earnings expectations erode by 29 cents for the current year. However, the company remains quite active and recently launched new 600V and 500V power MOSFETs for use in telecom and datacom systems. So, once the recovery reaches IRF's industry, the company should be set for a good rebound. But, it doesn't look like that's going to happen in the near-term and so your money is best off elsewhere.
Scholastic Corporation SCHL is a leading children's publishing and media company. The company recently settled a stock appreciation rights lawsuit that will cost $1.2 million, or $800,000 after tax, which will reduce the company's 2002 earnings by two cents. But even before that analysts had trimmed expectations on the year by 21 cents. SCHL remains the leader in children's publishing and, in the long run, this reduction in earnings probably won't heavily impact the company. But, by lowering their estimates, analysts have taken a more cautious stance on their near term prospects. So if you like their long term prospects, then make sure to wait for them to meet/exceed current estimates and analysts follow suit with raised estimates for the future. This will be the key fundamental sign that the stock is ready to ascend.
Below is a synopsis of why these two stocks have a Zacks Rank of 4 (Sell) and should also most likely be sold or avoided for the next 1 to 3 months. Note that a #4/Sell rating is applied to 15% of all the stocks we rank:
Gateway, Inc. GTW is one of the country's largest direct marketers of personal computers. In its second quarter, the company reported a net loss of 19 cents a share, which missed the consensus estimate and deepened its loss from the previous year. In addition, sales fell by more than -30%. It's no surprise why GTW has been having problems, since personal computers sales have dropped substantially in the economic downturn. Analysts now expect steeper losses this year and next. Estimates have regressed by nine cents over the past three months for each of those years. Nevertheless, GTW still sold more units in the quarter than it did in the previous one, and continues to release new and exciting products like its Profile 4 computer. GTW should recover in better economic circumstances, but investors may want to look for other opportunities outside of the sector in the interim.
Tyson Foods, Inc. TSN is one of the world's leading meat packagers. A surplus of meat was a major factor in TSN's recent decision to restructure and reduce its live swine operation. The price of pork has been dropping and the division has been operating at a loss. The move will reduce fourth-quarter pretax earnings by $20 million to $30 million. Furthermore, in the company's most recent quarterly report, TSN warned that fourth-quarter and full-year results would be lower than expected due, in part, to the meat glut. Analysts have been backing away from the company over the past month as the imbalance between meat and pork isn't expected to correct itself until sometime in 2003. Nevertheless, the company is the leader in its industry and will most likely remain that way through good times and bad. However, this moment may not be the best time to add/hold a position of TSN in your portfolio.
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