When I see someone crying, I always ask if it's because of their haircut.
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Open Wide
You are correct, sir. I trusted Vinnie and now I am forced to sell my blood to buy some ramen-noodles.
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Matt's Diamondiferous Dream
Gary, unless I'm the only one reading these Tumbleweeds, you just posted this a few days ago:
http://www.investorshub.com/boards/read_msg.asp?message_id=3718893
They say that the mind is the second thing to go, unless you're smokin' that "stumble weed".
Since you repeated it, I thought I'd change the words to make it look new.
Introducing the New Tumbleweeds:
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I think since the government is broke, it would rather go with a cheaper "LoJack" vehicle anti-theft system, which contains all the clarity and reliability of a "Kenner Close 'n Play" phonograph, instead of the more expensive GPS technology, which covers the States.
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Were you ever a member of Matt's MC Club?
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Matt, I like your new friends. They always say that if you want to look younger, hang out with an older crowd.
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iHub Jail Crisis Center
She'd need an adjustable-tilt steering-wheel to drive with 38D blouse-melons.
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I was thinking about getting a "Hummer", but decided it'd be cheaper to get a tattoo on my forehead that says, "I NEED ATTENTION."
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Hey Matt, nice pics! But am I the only one who noticed your new license plate?
Way to go, dude!
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Could be. Here's the first one I did:
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They're all "sympathetic bones" in the Jail.
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I’m like a drunken oil tanker captain floating contentedly through the seas, blissfully unaware that he’s leaving thousands of barrels of otter coat refinisher in his wake.
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Here. Find out yourself!
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Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
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Even though it seems that there are alot of inmates in Jail, most of them are here as a result of either a violation of the "Janice Shell Slander" rule or simply a victim of "Diamondiferous Fever".
Although these crimes do not warrant the Fryolater, Warden Matt is planning a special treat for the anticipated "Millionth Inmate"!
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OK, then. Here's a Kung Fu movie for you:
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Am I Too Big?
Oh, a wiseguy. Ya knucklehead!
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He beat me to it, Shemp.
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New iHub TOS Rules
I just looked and can't figure out which one it is!
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They're both wrong. He said 2 days ago.
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Does she deliver the damn thing?
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Did you say carrot? IHUB Jail makes a carrot accessory:
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You might say they were....
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Hey Novo, nice siggy! Where did you get that idea from?
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I don't know how Texans march ANYWHERE with all the rattlers, dust storms, flying cockroaches, snapping lizards, leeches, weevils, slugs, tornadoes and flash-floods.
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Hmmmm. I've always thought that the only time a girl wants to march is "down the aisle" or to the Mall.
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Marching? Is she in the Army or doing time on a work-farm?
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But I'm going to miss all the little Tate touches that she left in this room:
Like the beverage-coasters on the coffee-table.
Like the little watercress tea-sandwiches she used to make.
Like the vanilla-apple scented candles she always had lit.
Like the Laura Ashley curtains with the little frills.
Like those wool-mittens she knitted for us last Xmas.
Like those jumbo, home-baked black & white cookies she made.
Like sitting by the fireplace and petting the dog.
By comparison, the GROPE room looks like the waiting-room in a methadone-clinic. With grey, cinder-block walls and no chairs.
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Fine. And you? This board is emptier than a tomb on Easter.
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Would someone please crack open the window a little, please?
It smells like kitty-litter and feet in here. Thanks.
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You mean they haven't fed you yet?
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Hey Novo,
I'd like to respond but am unable to, due to a restriction more choreographed than the Lee Harvey Oswald prison-transfer.
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Would someone please crack open the window a little, please?
It's hot as a bride's breath in here.
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Matt's New Office
A Welcoming Message To All New Inmates:
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