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Jake
TEC= high technical, state of the art procedure.
Jake
Jake^
Lots of luck,
Not too sure of the procedure you went through, sounds like a little bit more TEC than some of my friends went through.
Just take it easy.
Moke
Hawkeye;
AGIS up 2,292.86% today, not too shabby!!
Cisco, you have mail.
Ron
Jake;
Yea, I like PYR, just needs some PR, gunna keep a close eye on MCLD. FWIW
Hawkeye
MCLD, now that is a great looking chart.
Fred;
What's with CYGX, the chart is looking interesting?
xybr;
Back on the radar, just got a decent contract.
Cisco;
I'm sorry I did not get your message, I get about 100 unwanted messages every day on that one, I may have deleted it by mistake.
Try
mokewill
netscape
net
TKRN, up on news of an acquisition.
FLEMINGTON, N.J., Nov 4, 2003 (BUSINESS WIRE) -- Digital Broadband Networks, Inc. (DBBD) www.dbni.net today announced that it had been profiled on top10microcapstocks.com. The profile can be found on the website at: http://www.top10microcapstocks.com. Digital Broadband Networks Inc. is listed under the top 10 communications companies.
Top10's website is dedicated to analysis and tracking the top performing microcap companies over various industries.
Hey, it was 3 in the morning and had tee many marTWOnees.
AIDO; Any opinion, looks like a breakout.
I don't wear T-shirts, but it is sweat shirt season.
Jake;
Glad to see you hit the ground running (making a trade), but don't overdue it we have a lot of trading to do in the next 20-30 years.
S&P Bollinger Bands on the daily are more narrow than they've been all year:
http://stockcharts.com/def/servlet/SC.web?c=$SPX,uu[r,a]daclyyay[dd][pb20!b50!b200!c13!c20!c50!i!d20....
The electric eye in the speaker grill, on the dashboard, usually goes bad, acording to the guy on the radio.
Cisco;
Because this board is quiet on the weekends I'm gald to lighten it up a bit. Now that Jake is out of the woods I don't have to put a Jake^ at the end of my posts.
It's time to make some $$$.
IMO
Two elderly Walmart greeters were sitting on a bench at the entry way when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm pretty old and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. "How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a new born baby."
"Really, like a new born baby?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just wet my pants.
An 80-year-old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked
him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've
got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do
you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a
story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a
season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he
accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor
continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear
appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at
the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the
doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have
shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
WILL ROGERS' WISDOM
Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post
in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this
country has ever known. Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a
woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold
it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that
learn by reading. The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence
and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of
that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every
now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin'
it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he
started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and
shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your
mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying
about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in
line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I
want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way
and
some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to
youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries
up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to
the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is
that it is such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day
has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the
ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't
have anything to laugh at when you are old.
Launching a rear-guard attack on a new product
DAVE BARRY
Buttocks. Most of us have them. But what can we do to make them more attractive?
For centuries, the unfortunate answer has been: ''Not very much.'' We have had to accept the buttocks we were given by Mother Nature, who is a big prankster when it comes to body parts.
For most men, this is no big deal. Men can go for decades without thinking about their buttocks. A man's buttocks could have moss growing on them (I have seen this) and he would not necessarily be aware of it.
But the same cannot be said of the opposite sex (women). Women think about their buttocks a great deal, and inevitably conclude, over the course of time, that they are hideous globs of curdled fat that must never be seen by another human. As a professional journalist, I have spent many hours professionally observing women at the beach, and I would say that, statistically, somewhere between 100 and 115 percent of all middle-aged women are using some kind of buttocks-concealment mechanism, such as a towel, or a sarong, or remaining in the car.
These women are extremely vigilant about not exposing themselves; they never emerge from the water without instantly transforming into Buttocks Concealment Mode. If a huge mutant man-eating lobster were to come lunging out of the surf, waving the Claws of Doom, I guarantee that its first victim would be a middle-aged woman, because while everybody else was sprinting away in terror, she would stop to put on her sarong.
Well, I am pleased to report that the long nightmare era of innocent women running the risk of being consumed by giant crustaceans is over. Because now there is an amazing new buttocks-enhancement product on the market called the ''Biniki.'' What is the Biniki? It is, in a nutshell, a brassiere for the rear. At last!
The Biniki was brought to my attention by my colleague at The Miami Herald, fashion editor Shelley Acoca. Shelley is not the kind of person who casually uses the term ''an amazing breakthrough product that every woman simply must have.'' And, sure enough, she did not use this term to describe the Biniki. I believe the term she used was ``stupid.''
But Shelley did send me a bunch of press information on the Biniki. According to the official website (www.biniki-fashions.com) it was invented by a Dr. Karin Hart, Ph.D., a psychologist from, of all places, California. Dr. Hart came up with the idea in 1998, when she noticed that her own personal buttocks were sagging. So she developed a support garment consisting of two loops and a waistband. She patented it, and is now generously making it available to the public in exchange for money. In the frank and unbiased opinion of whoever wrote the Biniki press release, this is a historic development in women's garments.
''Brassieres have become nearly universal since their invention in 1889,'' states the release. ``But no one has catered to the rear end until Biniki.''
I think we should applaud Dr. Hart's effort to cater to the rear end. And I'm sure that every woman who tries this product will be as excited as ''J.M. Danielle,'' who, in a testimonial on the Biniki Internet site, states that she wore her Biniki to work and was pleased with the reaction of co-workers to her enhanced rear end.
''People couldn't quite put their finger on it,'' she states (really), ``but I definitely had a lot of compliments.''
I have one concern. You may have noticed that women are wearing their pants lower and lower. At least they are here in Miami. I am seeing women -- including older women -- walking around in pants that are so low that they verge on not being pants at all, but are more like two independent, unconnected pants legs, also known as ``chaps.''
My concern is that, if female pants continue to descend at their current rate -- currently estimated by government scientists at about a quarter-inch a month -- and at the same time the Biniki becomes popular, resulting in a raising of the general female buttocks population . . . well, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to predict what's going to happen.
What's going to happen is that I'm going to enroll my daughter in a nunnery.
Art.....
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had blackpenises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a young man in a West Virginia T-shirt approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now, why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery ? " asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no African-Americans depicted at all. They're just three West Virginia coal-miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch."
Seasonality Switching
Something to be studied and applied
http://www.keystonefin.com/planseason.htm
*NNMO*
Jake:
Great to hear from you, take things SLOW for a while, the worst is over now.
Just a reminder:
http://www.investorshub.com/images/stoploss50.jpg
Jake^
Another set of charts to ponder;
http://www.saavycharts.info/
Jake^
TomMillerNC;
Thank you Tom, we will be waiting for any information that you get.
Ron
Jake^
Cisco;
Can't, Polish ya know. lol
Tom
Do you constantly adjust the weight on your ETFs or just buy and hold.
I understand QQQs keep making adjustments, so small cap in January, cash during Aug.-Oct. period and QQQ/NDX the rest of the year.
IMO
Velious
When you turn 18, get a job at Goldman Sacks, then when you have a couple of houses and a few Jags. then daytrade with pin money.
IMO
Hawkeye;
I have a sister in law, that is very bored and spends all her time on the 'puter. She sends me 50-60 emails a week and I edit them to keep the sex, religion and race jokes to a minimum.
Glad some of you enjoy them, will continue to save them for the weekend.
Jake^
Motivated by High-Percentage Gains
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Intuit_Information Newsletter
NEW YORK, N.Y. -- (INTUIT BUSINESS WIRE)--Oct. 26, 2003 Small and Micro-Cap stocks are red-hot. There is a heard mentality building and enthusiasm for the diamonds-in-the-rough now has the look and smell of seasoned momentum players driving demand. Forget about the economic recovery, the Iraq issue and geopolitical concerns, Small and Micro Cap stocks are red-hot and now is the time to be trading in and out of them.
Individuals who trade these high-risk stocks are motivated by high-percentage gains and realize the playing field of the OTC.BB is far from level. The way to beat the Market-Manipulators is trading on their coat-tails, that is buying/selling before them and you do this with experience and good insight.
There is good news embedded in the universe of many low priced stocks and one look at their YTD price/volume+ chart is your confirmation. The key is finding the gems before the crowd and if you’re playing the market look at this as an opportunity of a lifetime.
Chances are you’re making good money YTD trading and you feel upbeat but remember this, treat every trade independently. The key to additional trading success is your ability to stay focused day to day and trade to trade. Also, keep in mind where your place in the trading learning curve is because these are manipulated markets and chances are the manipulators [in-the-loop] are privy to information that most of us dream of.
To improve Your Overall Percentage Gains Lock in Profits
When upward momentum is on your side exiting your entire position as soon as you have a small gain is a big mistake. The only thing worse then losing money on a trade is closing the position of a red-hot stock only to see it go up another 1,000%.
One educated guess is you will never be able to make money in the long run with that approach. Your percentage gains will be too small to overcome losing trades. In order to be long-term profitable some of your original position must be given the opportunity to run, this is where you will make the BIG MONEY.
Personally, I like to start taking profits at specific price levels that are pre-determined intuitively before I go into a trade while always holding enough of a position should the stock/price move substantially.
Coming Out of a Recession:
The level of growing prices in penny stocks is highly sustainable now for three reasons. One is because Hedge Fund managers are controlling price movement. The other two dominant forces are based on the stock markets history.
Two: these stocks habitually outperform Large/Mid-Cap stocks when the economy is coming out of a recession. This isn't a prediction it’s a consistent historical trend that has repeated itself time and time again. The fact is small and micro-cap stocks bounce back faster once the economy begins to expand. This happened following the 1975 recession as well as after the recessions in 1980, 1982 and 1990.
Third: job growth following a recession has lagged the market's gains in the past. In the early 1990s, the improvement in the labor sector lagged the stock market's gains by about 18 months [this Bull Market started in Oct. ’02].
The probability remains that the major indices continue to move higher, three steps forward and one step back in this case because liquidity is plentiful and global economic acceleration is poised to expand.
Motivated by High-Percentage Gains
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Intuit_Information Newsletter
NEW YORK, N.Y. -- (INTUIT BUSINESS WIRE)--Oct. 26, 2003 Small and Micro-Cap stocks are red-hot. There is a heard mentality building and enthusiasm for the diamonds-in-the-rough now has the look and smell of seasoned momentum players driving demand. Forget about the economic recovery, the Iraq issue and geopolitical concerns, Small and Micro Cap stocks are red-hot and now is the time to be trading in and out of them.
Individuals who trade these high-risk stocks are motivated by high-percentage gains and realize the playing field of the OTC.BB is far from level. The way to beat the Market-Manipulators is trading on their coat-tails, that is buying/selling before them and you do this with experience and good insight.
There is good news embedded in the universe of many low priced stocks and one look at their YTD price/volume+ chart is your confirmation. The key is finding the gems before the crowd and if you’re playing the market look at this as an opportunity of a lifetime.
Chances are you’re making good money YTD trading and you feel upbeat but remember this, treat every trade independently. The key to additional trading success is your ability to stay focused day to day and trade to trade. Also, keep in mind where your place in the trading learning curve is because these are manipulated markets and chances are the manipulators [in-the-loop] are privy to information that most of us dream of.
To improve Your Overall Percentage Gains Lock in Profits
When upward momentum is on your side exiting your entire position as soon as you have a small gain is a big mistake. The only thing worse then losing money on a trade is closing the position of a red-hot stock only to see it go up another 1,000%.
One educated guess is you will never be able to make money in the long run with that approach. Your percentage gains will be too small to overcome losing trades. In order to be long-term profitable some of your original position must be given the opportunity to run, this is where you will make the BIG MONEY.
Personally, I like to start taking profits at specific price levels that are pre-determined intuitively before I go into a trade while always holding enough of a position should the stock/price move substantially.
Coming Out of a Recession:
The level of growing prices in penny stocks is highly sustainable now for three reasons. One is because Hedge Fund managers are controlling price movement. The other two dominant forces are based on the stock markets history.
Two: these stocks habitually outperform Large/Mid-Cap stocks when the economy is coming out of a recession. This isn't a prediction it’s a consistent historical trend that has repeated itself time and time again. The fact is small and micro-cap stocks bounce back faster once the economy begins to expand. This happened following the 1975 recession as well as after the recessions in 1980, 1982 and 1990.
Third: job growth following a recession has lagged the market's gains in the past. In the early 1990s, the improvement in the labor sector lagged the stock market's gains by about 18 months [this Bull Market started in Oct. ’02].
The probability remains that the major indices continue to move higher, three steps forward and one step back in this case because liquidity is plentiful and global economic acceleration is poised to expand.
Motivated by High-Percentage Gains
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Intuit_Information Newsletter
NEW YORK, N.Y. -- (INTUIT BUSINESS WIRE)--Oct. 26, 2003 Small and Micro-Cap stocks are red-hot. There is a heard mentality building and enthusiasm for the diamonds-in-the-rough now has the look and smell of seasoned momentum players driving demand. Forget about the economic recovery, the Iraq issue and geopolitical concerns, Small and Micro Cap stocks are red-hot and now is the time to be trading in and out of them.
Individuals who trade these high-risk stocks are motivated by high-percentage gains and realize the playing field of the OTC.BB is far from level. The way to beat the Market-Manipulators is trading on their coat-tails, that is buying/selling before them and you do this with experience and good insight.
There is good news embedded in the universe of many low priced stocks and one look at their YTD price/volume+ chart is your confirmation. The key is finding the gems before the crowd and if you’re playing the market look at this as an opportunity of a lifetime.
Chances are you’re making good money YTD trading and you feel upbeat but remember this, treat every trade independently. The key to additional trading success is your ability to stay focused day to day and trade to trade. Also, keep in mind where your place in the trading learning curve is because these are manipulated markets and chances are the manipulators [in-the-loop] are privy to information that most of us dream of.
To improve Your Overall Percentage Gains Lock in Profits
When upward momentum is on your side exiting your entire position as soon as you have a small gain is a big mistake. The only thing worse then losing money on a trade is closing the position of a red-hot stock only to see it go up another 1,000%.
One educated guess is you will never be able to make money in the long run with that approach. Your percentage gains will be too small to overcome losing trades. In order to be long-term profitable some of your original position must be given the opportunity to run, this is where you will make the BIG MONEY.
Personally, I like to start taking profits at specific price levels that are pre-determined intuitively before I go into a trade while always holding enough of a position should the stock/price move substantially.
Coming Out of a Recession:
The level of growing prices in penny stocks is highly sustainable now for three reasons. One is because Hedge Fund managers are controlling price movement. The other two dominant forces are based on the stock markets history.
Two: these stocks habitually outperform Large/Mid-Cap stocks when the economy is coming out of a recession. This isn't a prediction it’s a consistent historical trend that has repeated itself time and time again. The fact is small and micro-cap stocks bounce back faster once the economy begins to expand. This happened following the 1975 recession as well as after the recessions in 1980, 1982 and 1990.
Third: job growth following a recession has lagged the market's gains in the past. In the early 1990s, the improvement in the labor sector lagged the stock market's gains by about 18 months [this Bull Market started in Oct. ’02].
The probability remains that the major indices continue to move higher, three steps forward and one step back in this case because liquidity is plentiful and global economic acceleration is poised to expand.
Jake^
NEWS:Russia to join anti-dollar game
_________________________________________
October 22, 2003 Posted: 10:57 Moscow time (06:57 GMT)
MOSCOW - Russia plans to cut the share of US dollars in its reserves and increase the share of euros, Senior Deputy Finance Minister Alexey Ulyukayev said on Tuesday. According to him, the necessity of this measure is connected with the important role of the European market for the Russian economy and with the weakening of the American currency on the international market. The percentage of dollars in the currency reserves will be reduced by 3-5 percent, and the share of euro reserves will be increased by the same amount, Mr. Ulyukayev told the Bloomberg agency.
Four years ago, dollar reserves made up 90-95 percent of Russia’s foreign currency reserves. At that time, the Central Bank’s leadership did not plan to increase it significantly. Two years ago, the former Chairman of the Central Bank Viktor Gerashchenko said that only 5 percent of the country’s reserves were in euros. According to him, there was no need to increase this share, as the bulk of foreign trade payments was made in dollars.
But the Central Bank’s new team has broken this mold. The bank’s Chairman Sergey Ignatyev has recently reported that 70 percent of the reserves were in dollars and 25 percent in euros. The Russian gold and foreign currency reserves were $63.5bn as of October 10, including $58.3bn in foreign currency reserves.
Generally speaking, the main purpose of foreign reserves kept in the central bank of any country is to serve the needs of foreign trade and ensure the stability of the national currency. According to the State Customs Committee, EU countries accounted for 35.9 percent of Russia’s foreign trade in January-August 2003, about 1.5 percent less than last year, mainly due to the reduction of exports.
However, it should be noted that most of Russia’s exports to the European Union are raw materials, with prices fixed in dollars. Given this, the share of euros should be at least twice as low. The situation on the Russian foreign exchange market confirms the stability of this indicator, even if indirectly. The number of ruble/euro deals is many times lower than the number of ruble/dollar deals. And the ratio does not change. Thus, a conclusion can be made that 90 percent of export proceeds subject to obligatory sales are in dollars, and the demand for euros from importers does not exceed EUR 150m to EUR 200m a month.
Another reason for increasing the share of euros in the Russian gold and foreign currency reserves might be the desire to harmonize the structure of the reserves with the structure of Russia’s external debt. But the required balance has almost been achieved. According to the Finance Ministry, the euro-denominated part of the Russian foreign debt makes up about 28 percent. About 70 percent of the debt is denominated in dollars. Due to Russia’s significant debt payments to the Paris Club of creditors, the share of euro-denominated obligations is likely to decrease slightly by year-end.
We can only assume that the Finance Ministry fears that the dollar will continue falling on the international exchange market. Since the start of the year, the American currency has weakened against the euro by about 10 percent, and, according to some forecasts, this tendency will continue. However, it is not ruled out that the Finance Ministry’s statements are part of its anti-dollar game. The positions of the dollar and the euro are determined by the demand for this or that currency in international payments and, accordingly, the demand from national central banks.
Meanwhile, the Central Bank of Russia may have its own opinion on the ratio of foreign currencies in the reserves. In September, Senior Deputy Chairman of the Central Bank Oleg Vyugin said that the Central Bank was not going to introduce serious changes to the structure of the country’s gold and foreign currency reserves. “Our currency policy is not based on the exchange rate of the main currencies, and we don’t speculate on the exchange rate. That is why any change in the euro/dollar exchange rate does not prompt us to change the currency structure of the reserves,” he stressed.
http://www.russiajournal.com/news/cnews-article.shtml?nd=40945
Jake^
Subject: Boyle's Law
"The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term."
The answer by one student was "so profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
are added.
This gives two possibilities:
# 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
# 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Morrison during my freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.
The student received the only "A" given.
Jake^
Remember Life's "Laws"
1. The most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
2. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
3. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
4. Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
5. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people is mentally ill. Check
three friends. If they're okay, you're it.
6. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad
check.
7. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is
that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
9. It may be your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
a warning to others.
10. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains
because the average man can see better than he can think.
Jake^
A Redneck & His Mule Bessie!
Clyde, a farmer in Alabama, decided his injuries from the accident were
serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the
accident) to court.
In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
"Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the
lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my
favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the
question. Did you or did you not say 'I'm fine' at the scene of the
accident?"
Clyde said, "Well, yes, but I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I
was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the
accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please
tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said
to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite
mule,
Bessie."
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, like I was saying, I had
just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving
her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop
sign
and smacked my truck right in the side.
"I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was
hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole
Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her
groans.
"About that time a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear
Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.
"After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the
eyes.
"Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and
looked at me and said, 'And, how are YOU feeling?'"
Jake^
FOURTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
By Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would
be
"meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to! a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we
ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.