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In case you didn't realize it, most senior citizens have a marvelous sense of humor. In many cases, it's simply
a matter of survival.
Here are a few examples:
An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous,
son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to
come and live with you and your wife...."
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Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
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How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
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I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
--------------------------------------------
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
--------------------------------------
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when
you forget to pull it down.
-------------------------------------------
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft... Today, it's called golf.
Have a GREAT day........ and keep smiling!
Always Be Nice To Your Nurse !!
When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable.
A bossy businessman learned the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his
employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced,
"I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,
crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading,
I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually
he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her
announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!"
She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard
people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the
room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their
temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."
Subject: The shoe bomb guy gets sentenced
Interesting how the media made a spectacle of his arrest, but no coverage was done of his trial and sentencing.
Subject: An Important Read about 'Reid' . . . do you remember this guy?
Remember the guy who got on a plane with a bomb built
into his shoe and tried to light it? Did you know his
trial is over? Did you know he was sentenced? Did you
see/hear any of the judge's comments on TV/Radio? - -
- Didn't think so. Everyone should hear what the
judge had to say.
Ruling by Judge William Young U.S. District Court:
Prior to sentencing, the Judge asked the defendant if
he had anything to say. His response: After
admitting his guilt to the court for the record,
Reid also admitted his "allegiance to Osama bin Laden,
to Islam, and to the religion of Allah," defiantly
stated "I think I ought not apologize for my
actions," and told the court "I am at war with your
country."
Judge Young then delivered the statement quoted
below, a stinging condemnation of Reid in particular
and terrorists in general. January 30, 2003 United
States vs. Reid. Judge Young: Mr. Richard C. Reid,
hearken now to the sentence the Court imposes upon
you. On counts 1, 5 and 6 the Court sentences you to
life in prison in the custody of the United States
Attorney General. On counts 2, 3, 4 and 7, the Court
sentences you to 20 years in prison on each count, the
sentence on each count to run consecutive with the
other. That's 80 years. On count 8 the Court
sentences you to the mandatory 30 years consecutive to
the 80 years just imposed. The Court imposes upon
you each of the eight counts a fine of $250,000 for
the aggregate fine of $2 million. The Court accepts
the government's recommendation with respect to
restitution and orders restitution in the amount of
$298.17 to Andre Bousquet and $5,784 to American
Airlines. The Court imposes upon you the $800 special
assessment. The Court imposes upon you five years
supervised release simply because the law requires
it. But the life sentences are real life sentences
so I need go no further. This is the sentence that
is provided for by our statutes. It is a fair and
just sentence. It is a righteous sentence. Let me
explain this to you. We are not afraid of you or any
of your terrorist co-conspirators, Mr. Reid. We are
Americans. We have been through the fire before.
There is all too much war talk here. And I say that
to everyone with the utmost respect. Here in this
court, where we deal with individuals as individuals,
and care for individuals as individuals. As human
beings, we reach out for justice. You are not an
enemy combatant. You are a terrorist. You are not a
soldier in any war. You are a terrorist. To give you
that reference, to call you a soldier, gives you far
too much stature. Whether it is the officers of
government who do it or your attorney who does it,
or that happens to be your view, you are a
terrorist. And we do not negotiate with terrorists.
We do not treat with terrorists. We do not sign
documents with terrorists. We hunt them down one by
one and bring them to justice. So war talk is way
out of line in this court. You are a big fellow. But
you are not that big. You're no warrior. I know
warriors. You are a terrorist. A species of criminal
guilty of multiple attempted murders. In a very real
sense, State Trooper Santiago had it right when you
first were taken off that plane and into custody and
you wondered where the press and where the TV crews
were, and he said you're no big deal. You're no big
deal. What your counsel, what your able counsel and
what the equally able United States attorneys have
grappled with and what I have as honestly as I know
how tried to grapple with, is why you did something
so horrific. What was it that led you here to this
courtroom today? I have listened respectfully to
what you have to say. And I ask you to search your
heart and ask yourself what sort of unfathomable hate
led you to do what you are guilty and admit you are
guilty of doing. And I have an answer for you. It
may not satisfy you. But as I search this entire
record, it comes as close to understanding as I
know. It seems to me you hate the one thing that is
most precious. You hate our freedom. Our individual
freedom. Our individual freedom to live as we choose,
to come and go as we choose, to believe or not believe
as we individually choose. Here, in this society, the
very winds carry freedom. They carry it everywhere
from sea to shining sea. It is because we prize
individual freedom so much that you are here in this
beautiful courtroom. So that everyone can see, truly
see that justice is administered fairly,
individually, and discretely. It is for freedom's
sake that your lawyers are striving so vigorously on
your behalf and have filed appeals, will go on in
their representation of you before other judges. We
are about it. Because we all know that the way we
treat you, Mr. Reid, is the measure of our own
liberties. Make no mistake though. It is yet true
that we will bear any burden, pay any price, to
preserve our freedoms. Look around this courtroom.
Mark it well. The world is not going to long
remember what you or I say here. Day after tomorrow
it will be forgotten. But this, however, will long
endure. Here in this courtroom and courtrooms all
across America, the American people will gather to
see that justice, individual justice, justice, not
war, individual justice is in fact being done. The
very President of the United States through his
officers will have to come into courtrooms and lay out
evidence on which specific matters can be judged, and
juries of citizens will gather to sit and judge that
evidence democratically, to mold and shape and refine
our sense of justice. See that flag, Mr. Reid? That's
the flag of the United States of America. That flag
will fly there long after this is all forgotten.
That flag stands for freedom. You know it always
will. Custody, Mr. Officer. Stand him down. Unquote
So, how much of this Judge's comments did we hear on
our TV sets? We need more judges like Judge Young, but
that's another subject. Pass this around. Everyone
should and needs to hear what this judge had to
say. Powerful words that strike home . .
And then, if you live by the chart there is still room to go....
NDX weekly trading channel since the June highs:
http://stockcharts.com/def/servlet/SC.web?c=$NDX,uu[h,a]wacayyay[dd][pb20!b50!b200!c13!c20!c50!i!d20....
Fred;
It seems like you are not concerned about a correction, this one man's opinion;
MARK HULBERT
Absence of a 5% correction bullish?
By Mark Hulbert, CBS.MarketWatch. com
Last Update: 12:13 AM ET Jan. 6, 2004
ANNANDALE, Va. (CBS.MW) -- What does it mean that the stock market has now gone nearly nine months without suffering even a 5 percent correction?
This question is being asked by an increasing number of market gurus. After all, they invariably point out, even a 10 percent correction is thought to be normal within the context of an ongoing bull market.
Yet this market has not experienced a correction that is even half as big as that since last March.
All agree that this is pretty amazing.
But that's where their agreement ends.
Some think it is quite bullish that the stock market has exhibited such unrelenting strength. But others think it is bearish that the market has gone so long without even a 5 percent correction, since it must mean that a correction is now more likely than ever.
Unfortunately, however, none of these gurus bases his interpretation on a rigorous analysis of the historical data.
There was more to this article, but it sounded like an advertisment
Marcos
Try Google, http://www.google.com/ punch in the name and see what come up.
Another site that I find very good for medical advice. This one is for Pneumonia.
http://my.webmd.com/search/search_results?query=Pneumonia&filter=mywebmd_all_filter
Anybody having trouble with Bigcharts? When ever I look up 3-4 stocks the site locks up on me.
Rheeman;
You are right, I was looking at the weekly chart.
"T"
Thanks, some of us hear from her every so often and have not heard from her in a while, hope she is well and will join us soon.
Ron
Rheeman;
I'm not much of a chart person, but it looks like COMP broke resistance, not much volume....now what?
A LITTLE LATE BUT STILL IN THE SEASON........
Subject: The Filling Station
The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve.
He hadn't been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away.
He had no decorations, no tree, no lights. It was just another day to him. He didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a reason to celebrate. There were no children in his life.
His wife had gone.
He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped through. Instead of throwing the man out, George, Old George as he was known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the space heater and warm-up.
"Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude," said the stranger.
"I see you're busy. I'll just go" "Not without something hot in your belly," George turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger.
"It ain't much, but it's hot and tasty. Stew. Made it myself.
When you're done there's coffee and it's fresh."
Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell.
"Excuse me, be right back," George said.
There in the driveway was an old 53 Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the front. The driver was panicked.
"Mister can you help me!" said the driver with a deep Spanish accent.
"My wife is with child and my car is broken."
George opened the hood. It was bad. The block looked cracked from the cold; the car was dead. "You ain't going inthis thing," George said as he turned away.
"But mister. Please help...."The door of the office closed behind George as he went in. George went to the office wall and got the keys to his old truck, and went back outside.
He walked around the building and opened the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting.
"Here, you can borrow my truck," he said. "She ain't the best thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good."
George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off into the night. George turned and walked back inside the office.
"Glad I loaned em the truck. Their tires were shot too.
That 'ol truck has brand new tires........" George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone. The thermos was on the desk, empty with a used coffee cup beside it.
"Well, at least he got something in his belly," George thought.
George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start.
It cranked slowly, but it started. He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. Christmas Eve meant no customers.
He discovered the block hadn't cracked, it was just the bottom hose on the radiator.
"Well, I can fix this," he said to himself. So he put a new one on.
"Those tires ain't gonna get 'em through the winter either." He took the snow treads off of his wife's old Lincoln.
They were like new and he wasn't going to drive the car.
As he was working he heard a shot being fired. He ran outside and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground.
Bleeding from the left shoulder, the officer moaned, "Help me."
George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic. He knew the wound needed attention. "Pressure to stop the bleeding," he thought. The laundry company had been there that morning and had left clean shop towels. He used those and duct tape to bind the wound.
"Hey, they say duct tape can fix anythin'," he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease. "Something for pain," George thought. All he had was the pills he used for his back.
"These ought to work." He put some water in a cup and gave the policeman the pills.
"You hang in there. I'm going to get you an ambulance."
George said, but the phone was dead. "Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in your police car."
He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio. He went back in to find the policeman sitting up.
"Thanks," said the officer. "You could have left me there.
The guy that shot me is still in the area."
George sat down beside him. "I would never leave an injured man in the Army and I ain't gonna leave you." George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding. "Looks worse than what it is.
Bullet passed right through 'ya. Good thing it missed the important stuff though. I think with time your gonna be right as rain."
George got up and poured a cup of coffee. "How do you take it?" he asked.
"None for me," said the officer.
"Oh, yer gonna drink this. Best in the city." Then George added: "Too bad I ain't got no donuts."
The officer laughed and winced at the same time. The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun.
"Give me all your cash! Do it now!" the young man yelled.
His hand was shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this before.
"That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer.
"Son, why are you doing this?" asked George. "You need to put the cannon away. Somebody else might get hurt."
The young man was confused. "Shut up old man, or I'll shoot you, too.
Now give me the cash!"
The cop was reaching for his gun.
"Put that thing away," George said to the cop. "We got one too many in here now."
He turned his attention to the young man. "Son, it's Christmas Eve. If you need the money, well then, here. It ain't much but it's all I got.
Now put that pee shooter away."
George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time.
The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to cry.
"I'm not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something for my wife and son," he went on. "I've lost my job.
My rent is due. My car got repossessed last week..."
George handed the gun to the cop. "Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the best we can."
He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair across from the cop. "Sometimes we do stupid things."
George handed the young man a cup of coffee. "Being stupid is one of the things that makes us human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer. Now sit there and get warm and we'll sort this thing out."
The young man had stopped crying. He looked over to the cop.
"Sorry I shot you. It just went off. I'm sorry officer."
"Shut up and drink your coffee." the cop said.
George could hear the sounds of sirens outside. A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the door, guns drawn. "Chuck! You ok?" one of the cops asked the wounded officer.
"Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?"
"GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread.
Who did this?" the other cop asked as he approached the young man.
Chuck answered him, "I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped his gun and ran."
George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other.
"That guy works here," the wounded cop continued.
"Yep," George said. "Just hired him this morning. Boy lost his job."
The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher.
The young man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered, "Why?"
Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas, boy. And you too, George, and thanks for everything."
"Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there. That ought to solve some of your problems." George went into the back room and came out with a box. He pulled out a ring box.
"Here you go. Something for the little woman. I don't think Martha would mind. She said it would come in handy some day."
The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw. "I can't take this," said the young man.
"It means something to you."
"And now it means something to you," replied George.
"I got my memories. That's all I need."
George reached into the box again. A toy airplane, a racing car and a little metal truck appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell. "Here's something for that little man of yours." The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old man had handed him earlier. "And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner
with? You keep that, too.
Count it as part of your first week's pay." George said.
"Now git home to your family."
The young man turned with tears streaming down his face.
"I'll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good." "Nope. I'm closed Christmas day," George said. "See ya the day after." George turned around to find that the stranger had returned.
"Where'd you come from? I thought you left?"
"I have been here. I have always been here," said the stranger.
"You say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why?"
"Well, after my wife passed away I just couldn't see what all the bother was. Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree.
Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by myself and besides I was getting a little chubby."
The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder. "But you do celebrate the holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry. The woman with child will bear a son and he will become a great doctor.
The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will become a rich man and share his wealth with many people.
That is the spirit of the season and you keep it as good as any man."
George was taken aback by all this stranger had said. "And how do you know all this?" asked the old man.
"Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And when your days are done you will be with Martha again." The stranger moved toward the door.
"If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now. I have to go home where there is a big celebration planned."
George watched as the man's old leather jacket and his torn pants turned into a white robe. A golden light began to fill the room.
"You see, George, it's My birthday. Merry Christmas."
Subject: Southern born and bred
If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives; The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names; The South has double first names.
The North has Ted Kennedy, The South has Jesse Helms.
The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens
The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt; The South has the Bible Belt.
In the South, if you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store...do not
buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol" truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is
to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
Have a good day! Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.
Your relatives would get a kick out of it also!
Bout that bacon grease...I'll get back to ya' on that one...
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs
up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says
"Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores
her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of
her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly,
"Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets
out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window.
Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin, and I'm driving the
SALT TRUCK!
I LOVE MUSTARD
(This is a true story.) If you have children, you can relate. If you don't
have children, this is what it's like!
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection:
A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce, and plenty of expensive,
light brown, gourmet mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in
our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife
suddenly at my side.
"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.
With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later (after she stopped crying--from laughing so hard) my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard..."Poupon."
When you stop laughing, pass it on.
Interesting and a history lesson, brings back alot of memories.
It might freeze up several times until it fully downloads, but it is worth it.
http://www.its.caltech.edu/~yel/Fire.html
Jake;
Its not your Mac, it would not download for me either. I can't help you sleep but maybe my next posts will make being awake a little more interesting.
Did anyone notice, tonights game Dallas vs. Carolina, is a Fox against a Tuna.
Jake take care of yourself, get plenty of rest and stay warm. You know we are going to get some winter next week.
FWIW a friend of mine had the same operation that you had and he developed pneumonia also, had to go to several doctor to find out his problem, so don't be afraid to get a second opinion two, three or more time as is necessary.
Good luck to you.
Ron
Marcos
You like to get your moneys worth don't you.lol.. My main reason for that post was, in case anyone was going to buy a new 'puter he might want to stay away from a "W 98" model.
Alright Jake tell us how much better a AAPL 'puter is.
This was taken from a KIM KOMANDO email:
Microsoft announced recently that it will stop support of
Windows 98 in January. This has been telegraphed for some time. While I don't believe it's a critical situation, it's a sign that 98 is aging. You really need to think about moving up from 98 eventually.
Windows 98 came out in June, 1998. So it is pretty old, as
operating systems go. It was supplanted by Windows ME in September, 2000.
It has remained available, but few machines have been sold with 98 in the last three years.
FWIW
Commitment of traders report for those interested-
http://www.technicalindicators.com/cotstocks.htm
Jake;
Good for you, I bought some INAP when you mentioned it at $.40 and got out with 30+%, didn't know you were still holding.
Fred
Welcome to the older crowd, it ain't as bad as most would have you believe as long as you have your health. I think even Jake would agree, now that he is healthy again.
If you got a new PC for Christmas, and it runs on a Microsoft operating system, here's a URL for a web page you should read before connecting to the internet. Remember, don't connect to the internet until you've read and followed these instructions.
http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/press/2003/dec03/12-16HolidayAwarenessPR.asp
MATT
When will we get rid of these giant annoying ads, on the right side of each post?
From another board;
COMP 50SMA at 2281 is something to keep in mind during 2004 if we get into a blow-off:
http://stockcharts.com/def/servlet/SC.web?c=$COMPQ,uu[h,a]maclyyay[pb20!b50!b200!c13!c20!c50!i!d20,2....
Try a 10 year chart, the C&P didn't work properly.
AJ, your opinion on this post;
http://www.investorshub.com/boards/read_msg.asp?message_id=2008026
These are picks from another board and not necessarly my opinion *NNMO*
other i like ,INAP,MWY,WSTM,ISV,PMU,ISO,PRC,
AND,ANR,GEB,HYB,PTA,IJX
Some look very interesting, IMO.
I'm telling you now, and listen well;
DON'T DRINK THE WATER! lol
Glad you are feeling better.
Cool Black Cat with Green Eyes
Go to this site (link is below) to see something awesome! I have no clue how they got this to work. We have some great code writers out there! If you tease her with the mouse pointer on her chest or stomach she will purr, and I got her to meow also, by rubbing her forehead with the pointer. If you make a slow circle around her body, (counter-clockwise) not only will her head/eyes follow your pointer, but toward the top, her paw will go up, and when in front of her paws at the bottom, her foot comes out like she wants to play with your mouse pointer. (Don't hold the mouse down, just move it) Enjoy!
Go here:
http://home.wanadoo.nl/annekebroenink/maukie2.swf
Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse is taking her sweet time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in Housewares'... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?! "
8. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
10. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
11. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"
And last, but not least:
12. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"
Dear Friends.
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.
The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the
10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming.
The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit. On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone
You Know You're Having A Bad Day When...
Nothing you own is actually paid for.
You find your sons GI Joe doll dressed in drag.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
You get to work and find a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific!" And then
you remember that you were home by yourself last night.
You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out
tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no
one has touched it.
Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.
Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
Your 4-year-old tells you that it's "almost impossible" to flush a
grapefruit down the toilet.
For the older crowd who will understand.
My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread Mayo on the same cutting
board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food
poisoning. My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to
eat it raw
sometimes too, but I can't remember getting E-coli.
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a
pristine pool (talk about boring), the term cell phone would have
conjured up a
phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.
We all took gym, not PE ... and risked permanent injury with a pair of
high
top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic
shoes
with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any
injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer
we are now.
Flunking gym was not an option ... even for stupid kids! I guess PE must
be
much harder than gym.
Every year, someone taught the whole school a lesson by running in the
halls
with leather soles on linoleum tile and hitting the wet spot. How much
better
off would we be today if we only knew we could have sued the school
system.
Speaking of school, we all said prayers and the pledge and staying in
detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must
have had
horribly damaged psyches.
I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was
allowed to
be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without
computers,
Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital cable stations.
I must be repressing that memory as I try to rationalize through the
denial
of the dangers could have befallen us as we trekked off each day about a
mile
down the road to some guy's vacant 20, built forts out of branches and
pieces
of plywood, made trails, and fought over who got to be the Lone Ranger.
What
was that property owner thinking, letting us play on that lot? He should
have
been locked up for not putting up a fence
around the property, complete with a self-closing gate and an infrared
intruder alarm
Oh yeah ... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got
that
bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played king of the hill on piles of gravel left on vacant construction
sites and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48 cent bottle of
mercurochrome
and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room,
followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics and then Mom
calls the
attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of
gravel where
it was such a threat.
We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got
our
butt spanked (physical abuse) here too ... and then we got butt spanked
again
when we got home.
Mom invited the door to door salesman inside for coffee, kids choked down
the
dust from the gravel driveway while playing with Tonka trucks (remember
why
Tonka trucks were made tough ... it wasn't so that they could take the
rough
Berber in the family room), and Dad drove a car with leaded gas.
Our music had to be left inside when we went out to play and I am sure
that I
nearly exhausted my imagination a couple of times when we went on two
week
vacations. I should probably sue the folks now for the danger they put us
in
when we all slept in campgrounds in the family tent.
Summers were spent behind the push lawnmower and I didn't even know that
mowers came with motors until I was 13 and we got one without an
automatic
blade-stop or an auto-drive. How sick were my parents?
Of course my parents weren't the only psychos. I recall Donny Reynolds
from
next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop just before
he
fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.
Instead
she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a
neighborhood
run amuck.
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they
were
from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that we
needed to
get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so
duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the
entire
country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we survive?
I live in my own little world, but it's ok.... they know me here.
Unknown
Top 10 2003 Astronomy images
http://space.com/scienceastronomy/top_10_image_031223-1.html
Merry Christmas everyone;
Driving in California, Sung to Walking in a Winter Wonderland
Driver's swear ..... are you listenin',
At the Mall .....folks are bitchin',
A miserable sight ..... they're sorry tonite,
Drivin' in California's TrafficLand!
Gone away ...... are your tires,
meter has ...... just expired,
They towed you away, while you shopped today,
Parkin' in California's TrafficLand!
On the Highway we will have a breakdown,
We'll be stuck and threatened on the side,
If we're lucky, someone might come mug us,
And if we plead they may give us a ride!
Santa's sleigh ..... was impounded,
All the Elves ...... were surrounded,
He's now in a cell .... for ringin' his bell,
Living in California's TrafficLand!
MAD COW LISTS:
BUYS:
VITX
BPUR
CERS
HMSL
PLL
SHORTS:
TSN
SFD
MCD
SONC
OSI
RYAN
SNS
This is one persons opinion and the writer feels the Dow may go below 9000.
DOW CHART
http://stockcharts.com/def/servlet/SC.web?c=$indu,uu[g,a]declyiay[pb10!b20!b50!b100!b200!d20,1.85!f]...