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A Glamour dating blogger collected of 19 of the most-hated, tired and depressing clichés about being single. Read them, and swear never to use them on any of your single friends. Ever.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlematch.aspx?cp-documentid=24519920&Gt1=32023
South African doctor invents female condoms with 'teeth' to fight rape
http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/06/20/south.africa.female.condom/index.html?iref=NS1
Happy Father's Day!
Q: What is the similarity between a video recorder and a man?
A: They go forwards, backwards, forwards, and backwards, stop and eject!
Q: What is the definition of a bachelor?
A: It's some guy who's depriving some woman of her God-given right to alimony.
'Female Viagra' rejected by FDA panel
"Pink pill" to boost female libido eludes pharma- AP
A "pink pill" to boost women's sex drive remains elusive after a decade of searching by some of the world's biggest drugmakers.
to all -- re bans, I should perhaps also note that I do have an omnibus 'finally and completely utterly insufferable jackass' rule -- I can be quite patient, especially when dealing with new posters who may not yet have a feel for how I run things here -- but my patience is NOT infinite, and I will NOT indefinitely put up with anyone whose primary purpose here appears to me to be to taunt/bait/disrupt
Marriage
* Marriage is a ceremony that turns your dreamboat into a barge.
* Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.
* Marriage is a rest period between romances.
* Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
* Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
* Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
* Marriage is better when both the husband and wife decide that what they have is better than what they are missing.
* Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
* Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
* Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.
* Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.
* Marriage is mind over matter; if the husband doesn't mind, it doesn't matter...
* Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
* Marriage is the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented.
* Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
* Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
* Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
* Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred.
* Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
* Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
10 Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home.
2. It's important to have a woman who cooks from time to time.
3. It's important to have a woman who keeps the house clean.
4. It's important to have a woman who has a job.
5. It's important to have a woman who likes you.
6. It's important to have a woman who can be your very best friend.
7. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
8. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, who doesn't lie to you.
9. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed.
10. It's very, very important that these nine women do not know each other
Sincerely,
Tiger Woods
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.
Q: What are night terrors?
A: Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again.
Q: What's the most common cause of hearing loss among men?
A: His wife saying she wants to talk to him.
What It Takes to Keep Your Marriage Healthy
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=23686397>1=32023
When you took your vows, you probably promised to love each other "for better or worse." Unfortunately, that includes putting up with your spouse's nastiest habit (keep reading and you'll see what we mean). The good news: Dirty dishes or a few towels on the bathroom floor don't have to get in the way of marital bliss. Here, real Nesties dish on their spouse's less-than-sexy tendencies, and we help them cope.
The flaw: "The plug in our bathtub needs to be pushed back down or it will stay in shower mode. My husband refuses to take the extra second to do this, so I always end up with water splashed all over my arm. It drives me crazy!" — S-Tuna
How to cope: It's highly unlikely that your husband is plotting against you, shower after shower, laughing menacingly while he thinks of you getting soaked. So here's an idea: Post a note next to the shower reminding him to push the plug down. Add a smiley face (as opposed to five exclamation points) so you seem like less of a nag.
The flaw: "When my husband 'does the dishes' he puts everything dishwasher-safe in the machine, and then leaves anything that must be hand-washed in the sink. What gives?" — Hott4Teacher
How to cope: Sounds like he's trying to help, but instead of going the full mile, he's running out of steam halfway through. Let him know how much you appreciate his help (and maybe even throw in a little, um, reward) to give him the stamina to follow through. Or, just grab the liquid dish soap and hand it to him — with a smile.
The flaw: "He leaves his clothes next to his side of the bed instead of walking three feet to the laundry basket." — tgoff248
How to cope: Stop picking them up. This might gross you out, but eventually that smell from his gym clothes will get to even him. And at that point, he's going to have to do the laundry (yes, this requires you not washing and folding his clothes) which means he'll have to pick them up sometimes too.
The flaw: "My husband is a great cook, but he leaves a huge mess in the kitchen afterwards. It drives me insane." — TN IrishGirl
How to cope: Of course it does — because you don't appreciate dried egg yolk all over the kitchen counter like you should (just kidding). Here's the thing. There's an unspoken rule in many households: "He who cooks shall not clean up," and it goes for both men and women. Cook dinner this week and leave the cleanup to him. He'll get the hint.
The flaw: "He can't figure out how to hang up a towel after he uses it. I don't even realize how many towels he has gone through until I realize there are no more towels in the closet and I find a wet, smelly pile of towels behind a door." — jdbmjm
How to cope: Buy a hamper ... and put it next to the door. At least then, if he's not hanging up his towels, he's tossing them away to be washed. Now, who actually washes them is another story ...
The flaw: "My husband has at least two glasses of water around the house at any given time." — cath3888
How to cope: Ever see the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte is forced to pick up her guy's teabags all day? Well, just like Charlotte, the only way you're going to be able to get through to him on this is by telling him that it bothers you. Hey, at least you're just talking about some glasses of water. So don't freak out.
The flaw:: "He'll lose his keys, then he'll ask me if I've seen them. They're his keys!" — ashleym909
How to cope: Get him one of those key finders (they're as cheap as $10) so the next time he can't find his keys, all he has to do is press a button. Voila! It's that easy.
The 6 Men You Shouldn't Date
In a relationship public service announcement, Glamour's dating columnist Jake describes the six types of guys women should avoid going out with … himself included!
By Jake
1. Rebound Guy
Knowing how bummed I've been since my ex Claudia left for Europe, my buddy tried to set me up with his "hot coworker." Very kind of him, but I declined. With my heart stuck in international customs, there's no way I could make a connection. Not that I wasn't tempted. We men secretly hope we'll never have to deal with our feelings and instead can "fix" our sadness with a new woman. Problem is, we're always comparing her to the ex — how she is in bed, how her butt looks in jeans. Real mature stuff that you'd be wise to avoid by dating us after we've healed.
2. Disappearing Guy
Some seemingly normal guys have a bad habit of vanishing. Excuses like "work's really busy" may be true, but there's often something else going on. My old roommate tried to woo his new girlfriend while still dating his old one. I also know someone who told a woman he was single in New York, although he was married in Ohio. Both guys checked out for days at a time.
When you're just starting to date, it's not like you're tracking a person's every movement. Still, the giveaway is erratic contact — is he in touch every day and then suddenly MIA? Does he often cancel plans? Or does he suddenly want to meet up in an hour, after not calling all week? Beware.
3. Slick Guy
With his sporty car, high-tech cell phone and Swedish designer toothbrush, my college roommate managed to hide his insecurity behind hip stuff. He never let women get close for fear they'd find him out. So women wound up feeling rejected when he was the one who sucked.
My advice: If his life looks like a magazine spread, steer clear. Say what you will about the guy who has a painting of poker-playing dogs or a mountain of laundry, but I promise you this: He's real.
4. Rude Guy
I'm amazed at what men get away with. A partial list of nasty moves I've witnessed: checking out the waitress, fiddling with a BlackBerry during dinner, asking the cute bartender for her number when his date is in the bathroom. If a man lets the door slam shut instead of opening it for you, make that all the closure you need.
5. Grabby Guy
Hands on thighs, stroking things that didn't ask to be stroked, sexual innuendos when you barely know each other — he may try to explain these things with an "Oh, I'm so attracted to you I can't help it" line. But no matter how smokin' hot you are, he can help it. And if you're not getting the respect you want early on, he probably won't surprise you with it later.
6. Last Year's Guy
Long nights and a fear of being single forever can make going back to an ex seem mighty attractive. I've been guilty of it twice, both during lonely times in the dead of winter. Recycling romance seemed far easier than the unknown, and it was ... for the two months before we rediscovered exactly why we broke up in the first place. What's the lesson here? Move forward, not back. And know that it's better to be out there looking than stuck on a couch with some guy you're just going to wind up dumping anyway. He might be happy, but you deserve more.
It was a little girl's first day of school and her mother was both excited and saddened to see her daughter begin this rite of passage. She sent her daughter off with a kiss good-bye and a promise of freshly baked cookies. At the end of the school day, her daughter comes through the door excited to see her mom. The mother greets her and sits her down for some milk and cookies - a beginning of a ritual that will follow them for many days to come. The mother says, "So tell me sweetheart, what did you learn today?"
"Well," says the little girl. "I learned where babies come from."
"You did," exclaims the mother with some concern. "What did your teacher tell you?"
"Well, first this thing in the dad called sperm meets up with this egg that's inside the mom and that becomes an embryo. The embryo travels up through the mom's ovaries and implants on her uterus. Then the embryo becomes a fetus. The fetus grows in her womb for nine months and then she gives birth to a fully developed baby."
"Wow!" the mother says. "Honey, I'm impressed that you learned that so well."
"Yeah, but Mom, I just have one question," the little girl says innocently. "How does the sperm and the egg get together? Does the mom eat the dad's sperm?"
"Oh, no, honey," explains the mom. "That's only when you want a new dress."
The Top 14 Biblical Ways to Get a Wife
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. - Moses (Ex 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. - Adam (Gen 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife - David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. -Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." -Samson (Judges 14:1-)
12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). - David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onana and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
Dumber husbands mean happier marriages
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Paula & Steve got married. They went to a Hotel for the wedding night.
The following morning, Paula's closest friend came over and asked how their wedding night went.
Paula told her "I'm just awfully tired, dead tired. All night long it was up and down, in and out, up and down, in and out."
Her friend, misunderstanding her, was a bit shocked, that she spoke so crassly.
Steve clarified by adding "Don't ever get a room next to an elevator!"
Newlywed Bride to Groom
"Will you love me when I'm old?"
"Love you? I shall idolize you. I shall worship the very ground that you walk on. I shall ... uhhhhh, you're not going to look like your mother, are you?"
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy?
A: Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder.
Answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask...
There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an article in an
issue of Sassy magazine.
The five questions are:
1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major
argument and/or divorce if the man does not answered properly, which is to say dishonestly. For
example:
1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've
been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent,
beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement
bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was
most likely one of five things:
a - Football
b - Baseball
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.
According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of
Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd
be talking instead of thinking."
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:
2 - "Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel
the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:
a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?
3 - "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and
emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.
4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend,
a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in
a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong
answers include:
a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.
5 - "What would you do if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely
demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front
tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the stupidest question of
the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:
"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband.
"Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband. "Don't
you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"All right," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with
pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf
clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed."
Diary Of a Viagra Housewife
Day 1 -- Just celebrated our 25th anniversary
with not much to celebrate. When it came time to
reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in
the bathroom and cried.
Day 2 -- Today he told me he has a big secret to
tell me. He's impotent, he says, and wants me to
be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me
something I DON'T know! I mean, give me a break!
He's been dysfunctional for so long, he even
WALKS with a limp!
Day 3 -- This marriage is in trouble. A woman has
needs you know! Sometimes I need something too!
Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington
Monument and burst into tears!
Day 4 -- A miracle has happened!! There's an new
drug on the market that will fix his "problem".
It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes
Viagra, things will be just like they were on our
wedding night. He asked me if this time I would
say HIS name at the "glorious moment".
Day 5 -- Oh what a glorious morning!! The sun is
shining, the birds are singing. My needs have been
fulfilled. Everything is perfect.
Day 6 -- Again!
Day 7 -- This Viagra thing is going to his head.
(No pun intended) Yesterday, at Burger King, the
kid behind the counter asked him if he wanted a
whopper. He told him, "No thanks. I've already got one."
Day 8 -- I think he took too many over the weekend.
Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using
his new "friend" as a weed wacker.
Day 9 -- Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl
can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's
washing the Viagra down with hard cider! The photo of
Janet Reno isn't working anymore. What am I going to do?
Day 10 -- I'm basically being drilled to death. It's
like going out with Black and Decker.
Day 11 -- I wish he was gay. I've bought him 20 Liza
Minelli albums and the Sweatin' to the Oldies tape and
he keeps coming after me.
Day 12 -- Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels.
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack!
It's like going to bed with a scud missile!
Day 13 -- I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing
works. I even started dressing like a nun. He says
penguins turn him on.
Day 14 -- I can't take it anymore. I think I'm going to
have to kill him. I just worry about one thing-how will
they ever get the lid to close on his casket?
Husband: Wouldn't it be fun to go the Holy Land and
stand on Mount Sinai and shout out the Ten
Commandments?
Wife: It would be better if you stayed home and kept
them.
Origin of the White Wedding Dress
IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY BRAVE MAN WHO WROTE THIS!
IT'S AN EVEN BRAVER ONE WHO FORWARDS IT
Son asked his mother the following question:
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies:
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Hysterical! I laughed so hard my chest hurt!
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on...
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the
waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah....right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out.must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch.. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop..
My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause.
She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hotwater
and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!!
It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... .THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Not sure why psychiatrists came up with this, but it is
fun. Now don't cheat on this one, go with the first
dessert you choose! If all of the eight desserts
listed below were sitting in front of you, which would
you choose (sorry, you can only pick one)! Trust
me...this is very accurate. Pick your dessert, and
then look to see what psychiatrists think about you.
Here are your choices:
1. Angel Food Cake
2. Brownies
3. Lemon Meringue Pie
4. Vanilla Cake with Chocolate Icing
5. Strawberry Short Cake
6. Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Icing
7. Ice Cream
8. Carrot Cake
No, you can't change your mind once you scroll down,
so think carefully about what your choice will be.
OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what
the researchers say about you...
SCROLL DOWN---No Cheating
1. ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love
all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times.
Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the
day. Others perceive you as being childlike and
immature at times.
2. BROWNIES -- You are adventurous, love new ideas,
and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of
dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your
saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense
of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.
3. LEMON MERINGUE -- Smooth, sexy, &articulate with
your hands, you are an excellent caregiver and a good
teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the
same time. A bit of a diva at times, you set your own
style because you do your own thing. You shine when it
comes to helping others and have many friends.
4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous, not very grounded in life; very
indecisive and lacking motivation. Everyone enjoys
being around you, but you are a practical joker.
Others should be cautious in making you mad. However,
you are a friend for life.
5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. Intuitively keen. You
can be very emotional at times but a true person in
every way. You like to do things for yourself and help
others learn about themselves.
6. CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid
to take chances. Will not settle for anything average
in life. Love to laugh.
7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be
baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you
could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy
watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote
control. You tend to be self-centered and high
maintenance.
8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person,
who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People
like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted
person and a little quirky at times. You have many
loyal friends. You were meant to lead and teach
others. A wonderful role model.
Behind every successful man, is a surprised mother-in-law.
There are three kinds of men:
1. Those who learn by reading.
2. Those who learn by observation.
3. The rest of them have to pee on the electric
fence for themselves.
All Men Are Animals. Some Just Make Better Pets.
In order that you may be on the alert for indications that you or members of your family may have contracted the Swine Flu Virus, you should be aware of the symptoms associated with this disease.
1. Sore throat.
2. Slight headache.
3. Moderate to high temperature.
4. Nausea or upset stomach.
5. An uncontrollable urge to have sex in the mud.
A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
"That jerk of a husband of mine wanted me to bang the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor.
"You didn't do it, did you? "
"Yes, I did, but I also didn't tell him that now the rent is paid up for six months. When he gives me the money to pay the rent, I go shopping."
Q: What's the most common cause of hearing loss among men?
A: His wife saying she wants to talk to him.
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. This goes on for hours.
Afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation.
..
(She is speaking in a cheery voice)
"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you!"
Q: What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A: Telling you his real name.
A comely redhead was thrilled to have obtained a divorce and dazzled by the skill and virtuosity of her lawyer, not to mention his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realized, she had fallen head over heals in love with him, even though he was a married man.
"Oh, Sam," she sobbed at the conclusion of the trial, "isn't there some way we can be together, the way we were meant to be?"
Taking her by the shoulders, Sam proceeded to scold her, "Snatched drinks in grimy bars on the edge of town, lying on the phone, hurried meetings in sordid motels rooms - is that really what you want for us?"
"No, no..." she sobbed, heartsick.
"Oh," said the lawyer. "Well, it was just a suggestion."
A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?"
"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night."
"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know."
"Not if I'm going to watch TV, there ain't," she replied.
This couple already had several children, including two rambunctious twins, and the husband was thrilled when the doctor announced they were going to have twins again. He told his wife that she should start thinking of names.
"Well, let's see." she said. "We already have Adolph and Rudolph. How about Getoff and Stayoff?"
Why Men Fall Asleep After Sex
http://health.msn.com/health-topics/sexual-health/mens-sexual-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100211552>1=31028
Panel: Wait until 50 for mammogram
Q: What's the difference between a man and a vibrator?
A: One is cold and impersonal, and the other needs a battery.
THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower,
I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so,
he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day takea piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.'
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror,rubbing it between my breasts.
'How long will this take?' I asked.
'They willgrow larger over a period of years,'
my husband replies.
I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'
Without missing abeat he says,
'Worked for your ass, didn't it?'
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy,
he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals througha straw.
Hmmm...
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll down...You'll love this ....
'You got Male!
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This Board is created for the use of Women only, All men will be banned. This board will be used to discuss women's issues.
you can talk about your spouse or significant other.
You can talk about your kids.
you can talk about your pets.
You can know that someone, somewhere cares.
Pictures are welcome.
A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
you're going to have trouble with it.
For every handsome guy out there,
There's a woman that's
That can't stand him anymore.
car wash courtesy of Lacymarie
entertainment
This board is such a success that the men had to copy: That is a dirty place, If you do go make sure that you take your hand sanitizer. I advise not going they may hold you hostage and make you clean it up.
http://www.investorshub.com/boards/board.asp?board_id=8651
Board song.
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