You: My colon is giving me a little trouble, but other than that, I'm fine.
Ted: That's good to hear. What questions can I answer for you today?
You: Why does the sun shine?
Ted: I want to help with your inquiry, so please rephrase your question so I can understand it better.
You: Do your bees wax?
Ted: Good question, I'm not sure I know how to answer that. If you would like, you can contact a New Accounts representative by email, phone, or Live Chat. Click Contact Us or the Chat link below. Chat Live with a Person
You: No thanks, Ted. I like your voice. What are you wearing?
Ted: "Dress for success", that's my motto. Most important though, is the success of TD AMERITRADE's clients. How can I help you?
You: Well, you can help with my TARP funding application. I am asking for a billion dollars. Do you think that is too much?
Ted: During the online account opening process, you can choose to chat with a live representative by clicking "Chat Online" located in the upper right corner of the Web page. View Page Here's More: Open an Account Sending in New Account Applications Open Margin/Options Account
more > Here's More: Open an Account Sending in New Account Applications Open Margin/Options Account Signatures Required for New Account Requesting a New Account Application IRA Check Writing Money Market Fund Offerings New Accounts Contact Information ACH Eligible
You: You didn't answer my question.
Ted: I appreciate your feedback. I'm continually training and updating my knowledge base so I can effectively answer your investment-related questions. If you'd prefer, you can contact a live representative at 800-669-3900 (excluding market holidays) for additional assistance.
You: I told you I only want to talk to you, dude.
Ted: I want to help with your inquiry, so please rephrase your question so I can understand it better.
You: Okay. How much TARP funding do you think I could get?
Ted: Good question, I'm not sure I know how to answer that. If you would like, you can contact a New Accounts representative by email, phone, or Live Chat. Click Contact Us or the Chat link below. Chat Live with a Person
You: You said that last time.
Ted: I want to help with your inquiry, so please rephrase your question so I can understand it better.
You: You are repetitive, Ted.
Ted: I'm continuously training and updating my knowledge base so I can effectively answer your investment-related questions.
You: Talk to the hand, right?
Ted: Rights are distributed by companies to allow their shareholders to purchase newly issued shares in proportion to the number of shares the shareholders already own.
You: Well thank you for that information, Ted.
Ted: You're welcome.
You: Since you brought up rights, what can you tell me about lefts?
Ted: Rights are distributed by companies to allow their shareholders to purchase newly issued shares in proportion to the number of shares the shareholders already own.
You: Wait.
Ted: I want to help with your inquiry, so please rephrase your question so I can understand it better.
You: Give me just a minute
Ted: Good question, I'm not sure I know how to answer that. If you would like, you can contact a New Accounts representative by email, phone, or Live Chat. Click Contact Us or the Chat link below. Chat Live with a Person
You: There you go again.
Ted: I may be better able to understand your question if you could rephrase it.
You: Okay. Change the subject. How's the weather in Omaha, Ted?
Ted: Here in cyberspace, it's always sunny with blue skies. How can I be of service to you?
You: Nice! Well let's have a margarita.
Ted: I may be better able to understand your question if you could rephrase it.
You: When can we have a margarita?
Ted: Good question, I'm not sure I know how to answer that. If you would like, you can contact a New Accounts representative by email, phone, or Live Chat. Click Contact Us or the Chat link below. Chat Live with a Person
You: Dang it Ted. Are you married or what?
Ted: You know, my life's not really all that interesting. I'd rather hear about you and your investment needs. Is there anything I can help you with?
You: I see. Platonic relationships are more your thing.
Ted: I want to help with your inquiry, so please rephrase your question so I can understand it better.
You: You are all business, Ted.
Ted: Good question, I'm not sure I know how to answer that. If you would like, you can contact a New Accounts representative by email, phone, or Live Chat. Click Contact Us or the Chat link below. Chat Live with a Person
You: Okay. Well, can you tell me if TD Ameritrade is going bankrupt?
Ted: That's a good question, but I don't know how to respond. Can you please try to rephrase your question?
You: Is TD Ameritrade bankrupt?
Ted: TD AMERITRADE provides investment products and services that further the independent spirit of individual investors. We offer a leading active-trader program, long-term investor solutions and relationships with one of the largest networks of independent registered investment advisors. View Page
You: You type really fast!
Ted: Glad to hear it! Nothing makes me more content than to know that I'm doing my job well.
You: You are welcome.
Ted: I want to help with your inquiry, so please rephrase your question so I can understand it better.
You: It was a compliment.
Ted: Good question, I'm not sure I know how to answer that. If you would like, you can contact a New Accounts representative by email, phone, or Live Chat. Click Contact Us or the Chat link below. Chat Live with a Person
You: It wasn't a question.
Ted: I appreciate your feedback. I'm continually training and updating my knowledge base so I can effectively answer your investment-related questions. If you'd prefer, you can contact a live representative at 800-669-3900 (excluding market holidays) for additional assistance.
You: There you go again. Let me think of one last question.
Ted: That's a good question, but I don't know how to respond. Can you please try to rephrase your question?
You: What are your left arm?
Ted: Good question, I'm not sure I know how to answer that. If you would like, you can contact a New Accounts representative by email, phone, or Live Chat. Click Contact Us or the Chat link below. Chat Live with a Person
You: I can't answer that one either.
Ted: I want to help with your inquiry, so please rephrase your question so I can understand it better.
You: Ted, it's been nice chatting with you.
Ted: Goodbye.
You: So fast?!
Ted: I want to help with your inquiry, so please rephrase your question so I can understand it better.
You: You said goodbye. I'm insulted!
Ted: Goodbye.
You: Same to you, asshole.
Ted: With the language you're using, I'm unable to determine what you're asking. Please try rephrasing your question.
You: What the hell do you mean?
Ted: With the language you're using, I'm unable to determine what you're asking. Please try rephrasing your question.
You: Goodbye, asshole?
Ted: With the language you're using, I'm unable to determine what you're asking. Please try rephrasing your question.
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