Oxford Dictionary's latest definitions of the
following words:
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper
with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Lecture : An art of transferring information
from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of
the students without passing through "the minds
of either"
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied
by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such
a way that everybody believes he got the biggest
piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine
will-power is defeated by feminine water power
Dictionary : A place where success comes before
work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not
read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things
straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.
Yawn : The only time some married men ever get
to open their mouth.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you
know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing
individually and sit to decide that nothing can
be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during
life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell
in such a way that you actually look forward to
the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath
if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel
tower says in midway "See I am not injured
yet."
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can
die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....
except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late
and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before
after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills,
and kills you with his bills.
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