Replies to post #5874 on The Confessional

[teapeebubbles]

Q: Why don't men wear tight underwear?
A: It cuts off circulation to the brain!

[teapeebubbles]

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says,
"You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary.
I've baked 'em, I've roasted 'em, I've stewed 'em, I've
barbequed 'em, I've even tried every sort of marinade.
I just cannot seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you
use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at
that place at the bend of the river. They have those
brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and their
sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their
heads."

"Ah ha!" he replies. "No wonder... those are friars!"

[teapeebubbles]

This German tourist was on a bus tour of Castilla during
the summer that had a stop at this old convent. The tour
wasn't that interesting and he managed to stay behind
and start wandering. Feeling the urge, he stopped to pee
on the outside wall of the chapel.

While he was doing his business, the Mother Superior
surprised him. "OH! I am soo sorry!"

"No," she replied. "Actually, I've never seen a man's...
You know. Could I take a look?"

A nun asking to see his works freaked out the tourist but
it was kinda kinky in a way, so he figured, what the hell.
The nun looked at it for a bit and as he was about to put
it away she said, "You know, I always wanted to touch it.
Would you mind...?"

"This is really weird, but sure." The tourist was getting
really exited. Who could say that a nun had tossed you
off?

"Could you take it all out so that I can get a complete
experience?" the nun requested.

The tourist, sure that he was about to get laid, willingly
took down his pants. The nun began fondling his testicles
and suddenly straightened, and said, "Don't (SQUEEZE)
piss (SQUEEZE) on the (SQUEEZE) church (SQUEEZE) walls!!"

[quiet]

HNY!

I haven't made any stupid trades yet this year!!! woo woo!

[teapeebubbles]

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was
getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing
a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really
know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too
concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father
decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's
room and placed on his study table three objects: a
Bible a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said
to himself, "and when he comes home from school this
afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's
the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and
what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar,
he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay,
too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a
no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's
footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed
for his room. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he
turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the
table.

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect
them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his
arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into
his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink.

"Lord, have mercy," the old man whispered, "he's gonna
be a Congressman!"

[teapeebubbles]

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add
emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette
smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate
syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean
soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported
the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you
learn from this demonstration?

rover was setting in the back, quickly raised her hand
and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate,
you won't have worms!"

[teapeebubbles]

The parish priest couldn't resist the pretty young girl.
She was reciting her confession, and it was all too much
for him. He told her to come with him to his room. There,
he placed his arm around her.

"Did the young man do this to you?", he asked.

"Yes, Father, and worse," the girl replied.

"Hmm," said the priest, He kissed her.

"Did he do this?"

"Yes, Father and worse," the girl said.

"Did he do this?" the priest asked, as he lifted her
skirt, removing her panties, and started jabbing his
finger into her snatch.

"Yes, Father and worse," said the girl.

By this time the priest was thoroughly HOT. He pulled
the girl down onto the rug and inserted his dick,
started screwing and breathing heavily as he asked,
"Did he manage to do this?"

"Yes, Father and worse," said the girl.

When the priest had finished screwing the girl, he
asked "He did this too, and worse"

My dear daughter, what worse could he have done?"

"Well," the shy young girl said, " I think, Father,
that he's given me a dose of CLAP."

[teapeebubbles]

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember:


1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's
called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to
kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. T he seat folded up, the drink
spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression
that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash
can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I
was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. I'm so depressed. M y doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra.
He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and
found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be
treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will?
I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

14. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the
wrong way

[teapeebubbles]

The preacher got up in church one Sunday morning and
told the congregation, "Brothers and sisters, we are
going to have to do something about people parking
behind the church at night. I was out there this
morning and there are enough beer cans out there to
build a car."

One of the old sisters stood up and said, "Amen brother
and enough rubbers to put tires on it."