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AKvetch

06/01/03 5:03 PM

#13752 RE: DUCKY #13751

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Mattu. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."

Well, Mattu the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Mattu. The farmer takes Mattu home and sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk. "I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle. Mattu seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house and Mattu takes off like a shot. WHAM! Mattu nails every hen in the hen house -- three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Mattu is in there. Later, the farmer sees Mattu after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees Mattu out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Mattu on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Mattu, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself." Mattu opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says,

"Shhhh .. They're getting closer."

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Paulie Cashews

06/01/03 6:56 PM

#13753 RE: DUCKY #13751

10 Things Men Won't Say To Other Men

1. Wow, those jeans look painted on.
2. Man, I'd love to sleep with your wife just once.
3. Do you work out? Because you have great glutes.
4. Dude, I'm going to be late for work let me hop in the shower with you.
5. I am so horny, could you call your sister for me?
6. Hey John, that new haircut really brings out your features.
7. I hate sports.
8. I don't feel like going home; all my wife wants to do is have sex all day long.
9. Ewww beer, no way! It tastes disgusting!
10. Joe, you're my buddy and I'm going away for a week. I was wondering if you could stay at my house and keep my girlfriend company while I'm away.