COLUMN: Iowa State on Coke
AMES, Iowa, Apr 16, 2001 (Iowa State Daily, U-WIRE via COMTEX) -- "Our mission
is to maximize share-owner value over time." -- Coca-Cola Company
"Becoming the Best." -- Iowa State University of Science and Technology
Iowa State University, the great land-grant university, is currently in
negotiations for a deal that could make Coca-Cola products the exclusive
on-campus beverage for the next 10 years.
There have been smaller contracts in the past, but this new deal is an
all-encompassing, permeating mass we haven't seen the likes of since pink ooze
took control of the Metropolitan Museum in Ghostbusters 2.
In exchange for handing over exclusivity rights, choice seating and parking at
athletic events, etc., to Coke, Iowa State will pocket a few million dollars for
its cooperation.
This isn't the first time Coke has bought its way onto my school grounds. Two
years earlier, the "gentle giant" of a corporation signed a similar deal with
Ames High School.
For the privilege of hawking its sodas to a captive audience (minus the burden
of competition), Coke gave a couple grand to the athletic department.
I remember being only slightly peeved at the time. Most of my peers found Coke
acceptable or didn't care at all.
If an exclusivity contract with one of the biggest brand names in America bought
the football team nicer tights or better footballs, then I could deal with that.
Of course, Coca-Cola corporate mind share tactics didn't stop at the vending
machine.
Every student was rationed out a "Coke card" in homeroom, which was basically a
plastic card which promised special deals to the cardholder.
Sadly, when presented at convenience stores across Iowa, its value wasn't worth
the plastic it was printed on. (Unless you count throwing said card at the face
of an unsuspecting attendant and temporarily blinding her while your buddy
looted the store.)
The Coke card was utterly worthless to students, but for Coca-Cola it was an
opportunity to plant its logo into the wallets of a certain percentage of high
school students. I'm sure Coke's Teenage Mind Control division could quote you a
number.
That high school contract was peanuts, however, compared to the pending deal
with Iowa State.
Coke cards were the extent of corporate *******ization of my high school, but
you can bet the millions of dollars that Iowa State stands to gain is far from a
handout.
According to the Des Moines Register, in addition to first-class seating and
parking at athletic events, "Bicycle racks would bear the logo of Powerade, a
Coke product. Thirsty students would see on vending machines pictures of
Beardshear Hall with Coca-Cola banners wrapped around its columns."
If you could only see me as I type these words -- I'm frothing at the mouth with
excitement.
On the ISU beverage committee (yes, we have a beverage committee), opinions are
understandably split.
While there's no doubt that a cash-strapped university could benefit from the
funds, some believe whoring ourselves to corporations isn't the most ethical of
solutions.
It jeopardizes the university's role as a center of learning, they protest.
To make an analogy, imagine Iowa State not as the educational institution we all
know and love, but instead a major corporation.
I know this is quite a stretch, so I'll try to keep the analogy brief.
As a corporation, our president is like a CEO, and wealthy alumni are like
investors. The corporation's duty (like Coke's succinct mission statement), is
to make investors happy. This is akin to building skyboxes over Jack "Powerade"
Trice Stadium.
When corporations run into money trouble, they tend to remedy the situation with
a couple rounds of layoffs and reorganizations. Iowa State fires temp teachers,
shaves course offerings and eliminates men's baseball and swimming.
Professors and teachers are the tech support, which makes undergrads the poor
saps who dial in for a help.
We can only hear the sounds of elevator music and a polite female voice
repeating, "Your education is very important to us. Unfortunately, all of our
lines are currently busy. Please hold, and your request will be answered in the
order it was received. If you are a rich alumni, press '2' now or say,
'ka-ching!' for immediate assistance."
If Iowa State were a corporation, then the Coke exclusivity contract and perks
would be a business deal, plain and simple. But to the disappointment of our
administrators, Iowa State is actually an educational institution. Its main goal
should be to teach people stuff, not sell itself to beverage companies. The fact
is, when it comes to pretending to care about teaching, Iowa State needs a
better acting coach.
As a columnist, I'm sad to say that I have little influence over the
administrative policy. So instead, I would like to take this opportunity to
speak directly to alumni, whom I understand read the Daily quite regularly.
Dear Alumni:
I would urge you to reconsider any donation to Iowa State University.
The university is currently uninterested in investing the monies it receives
toward furthering education and has instead directed its efforts to
transmogrifying itself into somewhat of a corporate play toy.
They're schmoozing for cash from Coca-Cola right now. It's pathetic.
If you're interested in helping out students, establish a scholarship.
If you're one of those super-rich alumni who doesn't want the donation to go
toward undergraduate education and only cares about sitting in that stupid
skybox or getting your name on a building, you disgust me.
Donate all you want; when you visit our campus and notice the skyrocketing
tuition, teacher shortage and abundance of Coca-Cola paraphernalia, talk to a
student yourself and see how much respect your millions will buy.
By Sam Wong
