Any Good Jokes?

[excel]

If you think you've had a bad day.........this guy has you beat!

> > > Cat got your tongue
> > > Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate
> > > my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion,
I
> > > had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too
> > > humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and
I
> > > hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could
think
> > > up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
> > >
> > > The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to
> > > adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no
problem,
> > > but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my
> > > wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! The garbage disposal
is
> > > dead. Come reset it."
> > >
> > > "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower
> > > (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"
> > >
> > > "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
> > > (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."
> > >
> > > So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement
> > > about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I
crouched
> > > down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the
last
> > > action I remember performing.
> > >
> > > It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay,
it
> > > wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It
was
> > > our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied
> > > between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me
as
> > > I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most
> > > vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged
them
> > > with her needle-like claws.
> > >
> > > I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while
> > > rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a
> > > kitten hanging from my masculine region.
> > >
> > > Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.
Men,
> > > in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight
> > > up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked
> > > me out cold.
> > >
> > > When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been
> > > fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to
> > > conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.
> > >
> > > At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I
kept
> > > silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the matter,
> > > cat got your tongue?" If they had only known.



Excel - Greg