Mr Long: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The pumper-clown does not respond.)
Mr Long: 'Ello, Miss?
Pumper-clown: What do you mean "miss"?
Mr Long: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Pumper-clown: We're closin' for lunch.
Mr Long: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this stock what I purchased not half an year ago based on your recomedation.
Pumper-clown: Oh yes, the, uh, the CMKX...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr Long: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Pumper-clown: No, no, It's uh,...It's resting.
Mr Long: Look, matey, I know a dead stock-play when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Pumper-clown: No no it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! Remarkable stock, the CMKX, idn'it, ay? Remarkable acreage!
Mr Long: The acreage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Pumper-clown: Nononono, no, no! It's resting!
Mr Long: All right then, if it's restin', I'll wake it up! (shouting at the screen) 'Ello, Mister Naked Short Victim! I've got a lovely fresh settlement for you if you show...
(pumper-clown ups the bid)
Pumper-clown: There, it moved!
Mr Long: No, it didn't, that was you spoofing the bid!
Pumper-clown: I never!!
Mr Long: Yes, you did!
Pumper-clown: I never, never did anything...
Mr Long: (yelling and bidding the ask repeatedly) 'ELLO URBIE!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
Mr Long: Now that's what I call a dead stock-play.
Pumper-clown: No, no.....No, 'it's stunned!
Mr Long: STUNNED?!?
Pumper-clown: Yeah! You stunned it, just as it was wakin' up! Mineral pplays stun easily, major.
Mr Long: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That stock-play is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an year ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged run.
Pumper-clown: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Mr Long: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?
Pumper-clown: The CMKX prefers keepin' a low bid! Remarkable stock, id'nit, squire? Lovely acreage!
Mr Long: Look, I took the liberty of examining this stock when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on the ask in the first place was that it had been PUMPED there.
(pause)
Pumper-clown: Well, o'course it was pumped there! If I hadn't pumped that stock up, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee! To Da Moon!!!!!!!!
Mr Long: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this stock wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'It's bleedin' demised!
Pumper-clown: No no! 'It's pining!
Mr Long: it's not pinin'! 'It's passed on! This stock-play is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and lost it's market makers! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't fooled a thousand longs 'it'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'It's off the twig! 'it's kicked the bucket, 'it's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-STOCK-PLAY!!
(pause)
Pumper-clown: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of mining plays.
Mr Long: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Pumper-clown: I got a slug.
(pause)
Mr Long: Pray, does it talk?
Pumper-clown: Nnnnot really.
Mr Long: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Pumper-clown: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Mr Long: Well.
(pause)
Pumper-clown: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
Mr Long: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
