Attention Old Timers. This is trouble. Now there are jokes about being over 30!
The following is courtesy of the Sept. 2002 issue of Esquire:
Things a man should never do after the age of 30:
1. Use the word "party" as a verb.
2. Shots.
3. Body shots.
4. Jell-o shots. Especially Jell-o shots
5. Read a book with the words "Zen & The Art Of" in the title.
6. Do impressions of "Austin Powers" characters, especially Dr. Evil.
7. Help friends move.
8. Ask friends to help you move.
9. Crash on a friend's floor or couch.
10. Refer to breasts as "chesticles".
11. Experiment with facial hair.
12. Let your underpants show above your jeans or below your shorts.
13. Apply paint to your face for any reason at all.
14. Own beer-drinking paraphernalia.
15. Own a skull bong.
16. Know the names of the current "Real World" cast.
17. Remove your shirt in public - unless there is sand or a large body of
water nearby.
18. Use the word "dude", except when referring to a ranch or a well-dressed
Englishman.
19. Use the word "dawg" in a sentence when referring to a friend or, worse,
to yourself.
20. Own a futon.
21. Own a beanbag chair.
22. Hang art framelessly.
23. Hang tapestries.
24. Drink malternative beverages.
25. Don a puka-bead necklace.
26. Google ex-girlfriends.
27. Break up with a girlfriend by e-mail.
28. Engage in pranks involving airborne food.
29. Own a lava lamp.
30. Pool hop.
31. Live with someone you don't sleep with.
32. Share a hotel room with someone you don't sleep with.
33. Play fantasy sports.
34. Divide a restaurant bill with a friend in any way other than 50-50.
35. Sleep past 10:30.
36. Refer to a woman's genetalia as her "nappy dugout".
37. Cook exclusively on a George Foreman grill.
38. Wear a jersey with the name of a professional athlete on the back.
39. Employ any other pickup line besides "Hi, my name is ________. What's
yours?"
40. Listen to Pink Floyd.
41. Use internet acronyms, especially ROFL and LOL.
42. Shave any part of your body except your face.
43. Enjoy Jerry Bruckheimer movies.
44. Run with the bulls in Pamplona.
45. Attend Mardi Gras, Carnaval, or Burning Man.
46. Own a fish tank.
47. Fall asleep in public.
48. Call drugs by their street names (e.g., junk, smack, or whitebag).
49. Pick a fistfight by thrusting out your neck, flexing, and
screaming, "It's go time!"
