"NEWS RELEASE"
EVFN is proud to announce that they have decided; since we are unable to form any type of viable business within our company and create value in our stock price for our sharholders, we will build the worlds longest road bridge to the moon. The board and more importatly the egoistical Dennis M. has determined they do indeed have enough worthless shares of paper stock to complete the project.
A letter of intent is currently sitting on DM's desk just waiting for him to return from LA where he recently had dinner with MF, BW, GR and other celebrities. Upon his return DM INTENDS TO FORGE THE SIGNATURE OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE FEDERATON OF PLANTS. Upon completion of said signature Evolution Fuels intends on generating funds for the project through te issue of more worthless shares of stock. We appreciate ourinvestors and wish to reward them for thier patience so as soon as we can find someone with the knowledge of printing presses; we will redesign the press wheel and intiate a mass printing campaign of coupons for 10%off at any Evolutin Fuel Station. These coupons will be issued ata rate of 1 for every 25,000 shares of EVFN stock share hoders own after our next RS.
DM has said he is proud of this new venture and believes the link betwen the Earth and the Moon will prove to be vital in helping the U.S. t become independent of third world oil. He has further determined the untapped oil reserves on the moon provide a great oppurtunity for Evolution to find the next biofuel and provide years of deception inabling us to further sell our shit.
Dm has also said further updates will be forwarded to our investors as soon as we complete the necessary DD. It is our intention to divulge nothing real but feed you minions fake PR's throughout the rest of this week and long into the future.
One last note: It has been determined the beststarting place for the road bridge link to the moon would be from DM's own backyard. Sice we are planning a grnad opening surprise and it is important that everyone be there early to participate; DM's front yard will serve as the camp ground for those wishing to get in first. By the way te first three people in line will get to travel the bridge road free of charge. Charges for travel have not yet been determined butit is believed t be in the millions of dolars for each person but discount will be offered for vehicles cramed with the most suckers. We believe this sows a great conviction to cnservation and wish to reward those who care.
