BOOZERS & LOSERS
BOOZERS...
He only drinks to steady himself. In fact, sometimes he gets so steady he can't move.
He had to quit his day job -- it interfered with his drinking.
If there's a nip in the air, he even tries to drink that.
He believes in a balanced diet -- a beer in each hand.
Recently he fell down the stairs with a full quart of whiskey and didn't spill a drop -- he kept his mouth closed.
When he donates blood to the Red Cross, there's so much alcohol in it, they use it to sterilize the instruments.
On his last birthday, with just one breath, he lit all the candles on his birthday cake.
It only takes one drink to make him drunk, but he's not sure whether it's the ninth or the tenth.
When he returns from lunch, he's so loaded they make him use the freight elevator.
He's such a drunk, he's been nominated for the Alchohol of Fame.
The only exercise he ever gets is hiccupping.
The way liquor makes him fly, bartenders are asking him to land some other place.
LOSERS...
In Las Vegas, he even loses money on the stamp machines.
He bets on horses just for laughs. So far, he's laughed away his bank account and his car.
He saved for years to buy an unbreakable, waterproof, shockproof watch - and lost it.
He's a real Don Juan with the ladies... the ladies Don Juan to have anything to do with him!
He's money mad... he's never had any money, and that makes him mad.
His boss would gladly pay him what he's worth, but it's against the Minimum Wage Law.
He always takes his salary to the bank. It's too small to go by itself.
He wanted to become a lawyer badly, and he's realized his ambition - he became a bad lawyer.
He's selling furniture for a living - his own!
He's one guy who has ulcers without being a success.
No one can call him a quitter - he's always been fired from every job he's had!
He's standing on his own two feet - his car's been repossessed.
He's the only person on record who used saccharine and ended up with artificial diabetes.
#board-2412
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle
