Any Good Jokes?

[PappaJohn]

The Taxi, The Nerd, and Rune-sore-bees
=======================================

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a
question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus,
went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver
said, "Look, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights
out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a
little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver.

I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years."
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Jock vs. Nerd?

$ Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in
endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.

$ If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night
while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

$ If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll
make $18,550 while he's there.

$ If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he'll make $618 while
boiling it.

$ He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.

$ He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

$ If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000),
it would take him a whole 12 hours.

$ If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money,
they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

$ He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but
will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.

$ Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into
a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the
federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.

$ If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you'd
be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

$ He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in
the Olympics and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.

$ While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in
his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.

$ This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past
presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn't it?

However...

$ If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years,
he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

$$$ Game over.

Nerd wins.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Language proficiency is part of the international contracting
scene. This exchange between an English-speaking traveler and a
member of the hotel staff in a Far East hotel was recorded in
the Far-East Economic Review.

Room Service:
Morny. Rune-sore-bees.

Hotel Guest:
Oh, sorry. I thought I dialed Room Service.

Room Service:
Rye, rune-sore-bees. Morny. Djewish to odor sunteen?

Hotel Guest:
Uh... yes. I'd like some bacon and eggs.

Room Service:
Ow July den?

Hotel Guest:
What?

Room Service:
Aches. Ow July den? Pry, boy, pooch...?

Hotel Guest:
Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled please.

Room Service:
Ow July dee baycome? Crease?

Hotel Guest:
Crisp will be fine.

Room Service:
Hokay. An Santos?

Hotel Guest:
What?

Room Service:
Santos. July Santos?

Hotel Guest:
Ugh. I don't know... I don't think so.

Room Service:
No. Judo one toes?

Hotel Guest:
Look, I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what "judo
one toes" means. I'm sorry.

Room Service:
Toes! Toes! Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow cenglish mopping we
bother?

Hotel Guest:
English muffin! I've got it! You were saying toast! Fine.
An English muffin will be fine.

Room Service:
We bother?

Hotel Guest:
No. Just put the bother on the side.

Room Service:
Wad?

Hotel Guest:
I'm sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.

Room Service:
Copy?

Hotel Guest:
I feel terrible about this but...

Room Service:
Copy. Copy, tea, mill...

Hotel Guest:
Coffee! Yes, coffee please. And that's all.

Room Service:
One Minnie. Ass rune torino fee, strangle aches, crease
baycome, tossy cenglish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy.
Rye?

Hotel Guest:
Whatever you say.

Room Service:
Hokay. Tendjewberrymud.

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