Zeev's Turnips Talk Politics (ZTTP)

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GREENSPAN MANIPULATING ECONOMY 'JUST FOR FUN'


WASHINGTON, DC – Insiders with the U.S. Federal Reserve Board report that Chairman Alan Greenspan, who is likely serving his last term, has been manipulating the economy “just for fun” in a fleeting display of his immense power.

Known for his nearly indecipherable language when describing economic conditions, Greenspan is said to have enjoyed “deep, belly-splitting laughs” after a recent speech before Congress in which he succinctly advised that, “as a hedge against further downturns in the economy, each American should own a cow, a pig, no less than six laying hens, and at least one acre of land suitable for growing vegetables and grains.”

“Pork-bellies are on the way up,” Greenspan reportedly deadpanned after the speech.

His comments at the Open Markets Committee meeting also caused a stir in global currency markets. “The Euro might as well be Canadian
Greenspan not-so-subtly insults Congress
money as far as I’m concerned,” Greenspan said to reporters, “And I wouldn’t let anyone pay in yen if I were you.”

Greenspan also told reporters the Fed planned to raise interest rates but, instead of using increments of 25 or 50 basis points, he said the Fed would use exponents of 25 or 50.

“God this is fun,” he added before ordering the U.S. Mint to double production.

Staffers say Greenspan is drunk on his own power. “He told the AFL-CIO yesterday that corporate layoffs were going to rise,” one staffer recalled, “but that people shouldn’t fear losing jobs because opportunities for indentured servitude were at an all time high.”

“He’s just insatiable,” the staffer continued, “this morning he sent a letter to President Bush saying the best way to reduce the trade deficit was by ‘conquering foreign lands.’ I think he even said ‘Mexico had to be assimilated.’ He told me Bush might do it.”

“Do you have a windmill, or even a waterwheel?” Greenspan asked when reached in connection with this article. “You should.”

“And, you know, on this whole deficit thing,” he added, “I might just pull some money right out of everyone’s checking account.”

http://www.mockingword.com/feature-articles/GREENSPANMANIPULATINGECONOMYJUSTFORFUN.html