WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINT........
So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.
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My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire I noticed your cat. Sorry!
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You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
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Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I got real snippy.
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Heard your wife left you. How upset you must be. But don't fret about it. She moved in with me
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"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking?"
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"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"
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"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
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"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell..'til I met you."
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"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
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"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
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"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!"
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"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
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"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
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"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike!"
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"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
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"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
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"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."
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"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."
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"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"
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"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket ....I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
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"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday - so we're having you put to sleep."
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"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma & North Carolina)
"Sometimes, business decisions must be based not on economics,
but on what is right." ~ Ivan Howes
