Goldman Sachs announces that they have discovered two rogue traders who have by passed their risk management systems and have a secret trading gain of around $18.6 billion. Both of the 26 year old janitors have been given honorary Princeton PhDs in mathematics and have been moved from the furnace room in the basement to corner offices on the trading floor. When interviewed, Jean Paul Arristide, the only janitor identified so far, admitted that his cousin who worked for Societe Generale in Paris, had emailed him from a trading station and as a joke showed him how to enter orders. Mr. Arristide began playing on a trading computer on the graveyard shift during his breaks, taking the opposite positions to his cousin. Mr. Arristide thought he was just playing around and did not realize that the trades were actually being executed. "I was just trying to annoy my cousin by doing the exact opposite...as a kind of funny joke!" "Then I would email him that he was, how do you say... une tete de pee-pee stupide.. a stupid dick head!" "Je m'appologise..c'est dommage."
A spokesman for Goldman explained that they have yet to identify the second roque trader who is thought to be hiding in the duct work of the HVAC systems in their New York head office.
In a separate news release Goldman indicated that the profits from the unauthorised trading would be added to the bonus pool for 2008. "It is a good start to the year, and we would like to thank Mr. Arristede for his fine janitorial work."
