Any Good Jokes?

[PappaJohn]

Quick Thinkers

Don't mess with these ladies:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her
hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and
flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub."

Let's go for stupid:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her
family. She asked a stock boy, Do these turkeys get
any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Caught for speeding:
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped
for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting
for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing,
he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Stuck under a bridge:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign
comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows
it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police
car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips
and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge
and ran out of gas."

Drunk?
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with
one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop
pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're
obviously drunk".
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are
ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said,
"That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."

Too Late:
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his
car parked and walked home. As he was walking
unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked
the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the
cop asked.
"My wife," said the man!