Thelma and Louise spent an entire movie challenging sexist stereotypes
...................then ended up dying due to terrible driving.
Did you hear? Aunt Jemima wrote a new cookbook?
It's selling like hotcakes!
A diner was agitated that the waiter didn't bring him a spoon with his coffee.
"This coffee," he said loud enough for most other persons to hear, "is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers."
The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen, and returned shortly with another cup of coffee.
"This one isn't so hot, sir," he beamed
As Mark Twain approached his death he was seen reading the Bible, most unusual for him.
Someone asked him if he was repenting as his time drew near.
Twain replied, "No, I'm looking for loopholes."
In view of the stupidity of the majority of the people, a widely held opinion
is more likely to be foolish than sensible.
- Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals
I hired a clown to deliver flowers to my wife.
It was a romantic jester.
I start with a "P" and end in "ORN". I play a major role in the film industry.
What am I ?..........................................................POPCORN.
How's the chicken soup today?
Waiter: It's pretty fowl
I went to see the doctor about my constipation.
He wrote me a prescription for Taco Bell.
My wife said, “I don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”
Me: Well,….that makes two of us.
Waiter, there's a footprint in my breakfast!
Well, you ordered an omelet and told me to step on it!
What do you call a happy feminist ?
IDK, but if I ever see one, I'll ask her.
An aviation enthusiast enters a bar. He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?"
The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."
You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in Capitalism.
But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.
"Not all who wander are lost"...................
Many are just looking for golf balls.
Never pickup up a lost golf ball until it stops rolling - Mark Twain
I'm so old.........
When I'm faced with temptations I choose the one that gets me home before dark
I say my prayers in the morning and the first one is "Thanks for letting me wake up.
I paraphrase that old saying to, "Lordy, Lordy, I wish i was forty, But i'd settle for 60 today"
My first convertible was a covered wagon.
Waiter, what's this insect in my soup?
How should I know? I'm a waiter, not an entomologist.
Fact: Women are turning into good drivers.
So, if you're a good driver, watch out for women turning into you.
