Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Smoking marijuana in Iraq will get you stoned.

My girlfriend says I'm an animal in bed.
That's her nice way of saying I'm a selfish pig.

How hot are your hot tamales?
Cook: Well, if more than three customers eat them at the same time the sprinkler system goes on.

When I turned 13, my dad said
"Son, you can get a woman one of three ways. By being rich, good-looking or funny."
Then he gave me my birthday gift - The Book of 1001 Jokes."

Words from dad...
Don't do as I do... Do as I say do.

What happens when an astronaut masturbates
in space ?
He defiles gravity.

I was kicked out of a hospital for exposing
myself to a nurse. It was an honest mistake...........I put the gown on backwards.

I don't have life insurance, because............
I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it..................as a burden to my family.

They say if you have something you haven't
used in 6 months you should get rid of it. Problem is, my wife won't leave.

The neighbor lady asked for my help.
The neighbor lady asked for my help. .
I toted my shot gun over there, and, yup I shot two very different loads into two very different beavers.

I own an actual Peter Pan turd.
That shit never gets old.

“The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.
The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius”. –Sid Caesar.

Don't ever use Kentucky jelly on your toast.
That KY jelly tastes terrible.