Tinder is for rookies.
I just went to Facebook Marketplace and searched for wedding dresses.
I found dozens of recently divorced women and I could filter them by size.
The things I did to make my wife happy.
I wore her underwear.
She didn't know I wore them but when she put them on the next day she thought she lost weight.
People claim to be into recycling but you should
see their faces when you rinse out a condom.
I recently saw a transvestite in a mini skirt .
I thought that shows a lot of balls.
If Karen Carpenter had eaten Mama Cass's
sandwich, they both might be alive today.
Letting a man with dementia run our federal government
proves just how little we need a federal government.
Cause of death: Pending.
I don't know what these pending things look like but I'll be running like a
Mofo when I find out.
My music teacher said I'm a baritone
because she can't bear my tone.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
Nice saying, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted
I asked my mom...... if I was adopted.
She replied, " Of course not sweetie. If we had a choice, we wouldn't have selected you. "
Someone left a bottle of Vodka in my mailbox.
I don't know who did it but I'm going to get to the bottom of it.
A chicken and an egg go into the emergency
room of a hospital. The secretary says, "OK, who's first ?"
A man walks into an auto dismantler...
...and says to the employee behind the counter " I'd like a rear view mirror for my Yugo".
The employee thinks about this for a moment, then responds " Ok, that sounds like a fair trade".
What do cannibals do at a wedding?
They toast the bride and groom.
Saw a chameleon today.
( pretty shitty chameleon, eh ? )
I have a dog to provide me unconditional love.
I also have a cat to remind me that I don't deserve it. ( I like balance in my life )
