I, like most of America, have not stopped thinking about the story that doctors found a dead worm in Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.’s brain. It’s a “well, that certainly explains things” anecdote in an era of entirely inexplicable nonsense. This bozo literally had “brain worms,” the catch-all phrase we use for someone whose asinine ideas suggest they are absolutely losing their mind.
Given my obsession with this, when I saw this tweet, I laughed for about two minutes, sent it to each of my four-to-five friends, laughed again each time I pressed “send,” and now am writing about it.
The tweet also made me think, who was that worm chomping on RFK’s brain? What’s her story? It’s my worms-for-brain idea of the week: Here is a ranking of the worms who are most likely to have been in RFK’s brain.
The sandworms from Dune They’re too hip right now. RFK wishes.
Grey Worm from Game of Thrones Noble. Very hot. A eunuch. None of those characteristics apply to what I think of RFK.
The space slugs from Star Wars Tried to kill Han Solo. Seems like something dastardly that RFK would do.
The sandworms from Beetlejuice They’re a little goofy, yet will give you a jumpscare when they show up. That tracks with my experience whenever I read a new RFK story.
Earthworm from James and the Giant Peach Blind to the world and a bit of a doomsdayer. Also tracks.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar Caterpillars are technically not worms, though, according to a two-second Google search, they are “cold-blooded like worms.” That fits the bill for something that would eat bits of a Kennedy’s brain and then just die in there.
As this person posted on X, it would make for an apt addition to the classic children’s book:
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