I asked my wife if it was true that women think
of sex every 20 minutes. She said, "Yes, but not with you."
The biggest difference between men & women
is the meaning of the word "facial."
The only time my ex didn't fake an orgasm,
was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
I treat women like pieces of meat
I'm a vegan - I haven't touched one in years
Vegans don't beat their meat.
They beat their "0% dairy all organic tofu."
Had a fight with my wife-told her to kiss my ass
She said no, she's on a glute-free diet
Local Fireworks outlet near me is having a HUGE
sale on Telsa Battery packs....
After prepping for the pre-employment drug test
the woman hands me the sample jar and points to the bathroom with final instructions
no flushing , no running water, etc....
So I mustered up a sincere puzzled face and asked " where are the magazines? "
Her blank stare told me it went right over her head, the Doctor on the other side of room, however ....lost it.
Although we've been married 47 years, my wife and I have sex almost every night.
We almost had it on Monday, we almost had it on Tuesday, we almost had it on Wednesday.....
Two old guys were chatting.....
One said to the other:
"My 85th birthday was yesterday. The wife gave me an SUV".
Other guy responded: "Wow, that's amazing!!.....
Imagine, an SUV!!.. What a great gift!"
First guy: "Yup !!.... Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
I'm in a Walmart parking lot Watching a woman
Who can't remember where she parked her car.
Every time she holds her remote in the air I honk my horn.
Sad to report..........................
I "came" in a distant fourth in this year's World Masturbation Championships.
I thought I could defend my crown again this year, but I just didn't have it..
I'm still trying to come to "grips " with the loss.
Jack Mehoff was the eventual winner. It's tough to compete against these young "up and comers."
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks its head out the window...
Doctor: I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?
Patient: I was just following your orders, Doc.
Doctor: Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order.
Patient: You told me to avoid people who irritate me.
AI
