I am a man of my word.......................
...........................and that word is "useless."
Teacher: "What's your name ?"
Student: "D....D....D......David."
Teacher: "Do you have a stutter ?"
Student: "No, my parents do."
How are friends like snow ?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
Cannibal: Someone who walks into a restaurant
and orders the waiter.
My one regret in life.................
....................is that I'm not someone else.
My Dr. told me to "eat less fatty."
"So I should avoid things like cream or fried food?"
He clarified, "I meant that you should eat less, Fatty."
Someone stole my mood ring...
...I don't know how I feel about that!
Someone stole my camouflage clothing and my wheelchair.
They can hide, but they can't run.
I once sponsored a walk for charity.
I made so much money, I called for a taxi.
I went to a body shop yesterday.
I opened the door to the place, poked my head in and said, "Thanks, but I already have one."
I wonder what the word "dots" looks like in braille.
I was wondering....................
How fast does a Zebra have to run before it looks grey ?
After fifty years of wondering why he didn't look like his
younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve
to ask his mother if he was adopted.
"Yes, you were, son," his mother said as she started to cry
softly. "But it didn't work out and they brought you back."
The Spice Girls reunion tour
(with special guests Salt-N-Pepa) was just announced.
It will be called the Allspice Seasonal Tour, presented by Old Spice
A man is lying on the operating table, about to be operated
on by his son, the surgeon.
The father says, "Son, think of it this way: If anything
happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
I'm considering moving to Mongolia..............
.....................even though it has its pros and Khans.
Where did french fries originate from ?
Greece
I had a dream the other night. I was in the Old West riding
in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulled up to
the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse
pulled up on the right.
The man leaned down, pulled open the door, and jumped off
his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opened the other door
and jumped onto the other horse.
Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was all that
about?"
He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."
