The guy who stole my diary just died.
My thoughts are with his family.
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette
...................but it just went in one ear and out the other.
It's important to have a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote", my best friend might still be alive.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids,
yet she got pissed when I stuck a can of green beans in her garter.
The bum on the corner had a tattered, worn out cardboard sign with,
"Anything helps" written on it. I felt bad, it was cold, starting to rain.
I just bought a large meat lover's pizza. As I pulled over to talk to him from my warm car.
I put the window down, opened the pizza box. Tore off the top and handed it to him and said,
"I know things are tough. Take this. Make a new sign."
Do you know what they call Marines on a Submarine?
Passengers
Our business professor was lecturing about different ways to bill customers. He asked,
"Who can give me an example of a system where you are billed before you actually receive your goods?"
One student piped up, "Tuition!"
They just opened a Black-Mexican owned restaurant in town.
( Nacho Mama's )
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Rodney Dangerfield : My dad took me hunting, he said,
"I'll give you a three minute head start !
My dad tied me to the hood and put the deer in the car !
I told my dad I was going to go ice skating at the pond, he said,
"Wait until it gets warmer "!
Every morning before school, mom would give me 8 quarters for lunch.
...............and every evening I'd sit on the toilet trying to pass them.
They say that ignorance of math is growing
exponentially............................whatever that means.
Well, yes, I am dressed for inclement weather.
I'm wearing a house.
Spread the word.
OK.......................W..................O................R....................D
